Read Dyuman's correspondence with The Mother - related mostly with the management of the Dining Room from 1929 to 1937.
The Mother : correspondence
THEME/S
This book contains the Mother's correspondence with twelve disciples; eleven were members of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram. Each correspondence is presented in chronological order, with the question or comment of the disciple provided whenever possible. The names of the disciples have been given since they have all passed away. A brief life-sketch of each disciple appears at the beginning of his or her correspondence. Ten of these correspondences are entirely in English; two are largely in English, but have a small number of replies in French, which appear here in translation. Further details are provided in the Note on the Texts at the end of the book. The reader should note that the word “new” in the title of this book does not mean "published here for the first time”, but rather “not published in the Collected Works of the Mother and therefore new to most of its readers". The Collected Works was organised and published around 1978, at the time of the Mother's centenary. Forty years have passed since then, and a number of new correspondences have come to light, including those in this book. Most have been published in the Ashram's quarterly journal, Bulletin of Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education, but since the Bulletin has a limited readership the correspondences will be new to most readers. The twelve correspondences in this book supplement those published in Collected Works Volumes 16 and 17.
Born on 19 June 1903, the Gujarati disciple Dyuman (Chunilal Desai) joined the Sri Aurobindo Ashram on 11 July 1927 at the age of twenty-four. From the beginning he worked in the Dining Room, serving rice and purchasing food. In 1930 the Mother placed him in charge of the Dining Room, a position he held for more than sixty years. He also started Gloria Land, one of the largest Ashram farms. When the Ashram Trust was formed in 1954, the Mother appointed him as one of the five trustees; later he became the managing trustee of the Ashram. Active till the end, Dyuman passed away on 19 August 1992 at the age of eighty-nine.
Dyuman's correspondence deals largely with the management of the Dining Room from 1929 to 1937.
Mother,
I had no intention of violating Your orders. The wiping was already finished by the time I received Your last order at 5 p.m. or so. Mother, I am at Your feet for any punishment for violating Your orders even unconsciously.
Why punishment, my child?
I never thought of such a thing! I never thought even that you had violated any rules. The whole thing is a misunderstanding.
You must know that I trust you and have full confidence in your earnestness and your goodwill. It is on that ground that we are working together and also that I let you know whenever there is something that has to be corrected.
Never doubt my love.
12 June 1929
Dyuman,
I quite appreciate the spirit in which you have made your proposals.
But there is one thing you have not quite grasped. And this you must get clear and keep in mind. The organisation of the Ashram is certainly not a fixed mental construction. It has been left plastic so that it may be a growing and progressive creation expressing more and more of the Truth.
But in this growth and progression every detail is fixed by my will; it is not chance or a fortuitous arrangement.
28 March 1930
A lady sadhika is working with me. How should I behave towards her? Let me know in words, if You please. I have often put before You how I behave and work and You know all about me. When we work together, we forget all except the work for You and how to do it in the best way.
It is well understood that you must meet only for the work and at the time of work. If while working you forgot everything except the work it is all right. But always be careful to avoid all vital interchange.
5 July 1930
I attended the French classes, junior and senior both. Now the question comes to me: Why not read Vedic hymns rather than French lessons? Whenever I go to the library, I do not find any books to read except Sri Aurobindo's and from them I read only on the Vedic hymns and The Secret of the Veda. No doubt I have taken other books, but hardly a few pages 1 have gone through.
I would like to know which is more near and akin to me, and I shall follow You.
Do not narrow your mind. You can find help not only in the "Veda" but in all the writings of Sri Aurobindo.
Why not learn French if you feel inclined?
1930
The more you treat R like an invalid, the more he will become an invalid. He must not take all his fancies for needs and I do not see why he should not be submitted to the same discipline as the others.
He can get his meals earlier if he requires but he must not enter the dining room at will.
Don't starve yourself. You are working hard and need food. By not eating enough you would lose your strength and the work would suffer.
All who serve the meals or prepare curds, etc. must, while they are doing this work, cover their hair with a cloth tied like a turban fully covering the head.
Never kill lizards; they are most useful creatures. Without them you would be devoured by the insects.
When P handed the monthly Prosperity things to me I thought: "What will Mother do if the stock of toothbrushes is exhausted? Mother must have this one—it goes to Mother."
I have taken already my precautions. Since more than four months I am using my finger as a toothbrush and find it quite convenient. So I am sending back your toothbrush. If you have no use for it, you can return it to the stores.
2 February 1932
Nolini brought me the typed message sent by You. I have read it again and again. It is the strongest letter I have ever read. The last few lines about Your children's disobedience and disregard for You are heart-rending. Though the letter is not addressed to me and though You do not make me responsible for this dramatic catastrophe, I cannot shirk it.
The letter is not from me but from Sri Aurobindo.
Last night I was going to write to You: how can I pay You the price of the 250 items?
I do not see why you should have to pay for it. We do not consider you in fault.
I will give You the easy chair and iron bed, and if that does not suffice I will send to You the trunk with some clothes given by You.
Send me nothing. I want nothing. Keep the bed, the chair, the box and the rest.
My first thought was to give up half my measure of milk for one year.
Certainly not. I find that already you are not eating enough and would like you to eat rather more than less.
Mother, disregard for You? Disobedience to You?
I never said that you did disregard or disobey me.
If this is the case, it is all the same whether I am here or elsewhere. Why pain You by gross darkness?
This is quite absurd. I am not pained.
No longer will I trouble You with writing "Thy child".
I never objected to your writing "Thy child" and expect you to do it always.
Mother, let Your Will alone be fulfilled.
This is quite good. And I trust you will do it.
In fact I sent the letter to you so that you might use it to show to people if necessary.
4 March 1932
I find no good use for this lace except to give it back to you. When holding your hair together, it will remind you of the Divine's unifying action and thus be of double use.
28 March 1932
This bowl has been put on the fire by somebody and is now spoiled. Who this somebody is, is not known.
It is a great pity, because the best punishment would be to serve his or her meal in the bowl!
7 June 1932
Why were you so serious, almost grave, at pranam this morning? Is it that you thought V was occupying your place? It is not so. He had asked permission to sit behind you after I had come, and we had agreed.
Let no cloud come over you and keep our love ever present in your heart.
19 August 1932
My child,
Be quiet, peaceful, strong. Nothing is impossible with a quiet strength, the Divine's Grace and the Mother's blessings.
With love
22 November 1932
For the bread problem. All those who want their usual number of slices must be given them, part from the Ashram bread and the complement from bazaar bread.
I suppose you will easily calculate how many bazaar loaves are to be bought daily.
P.S. You can scarcely ask people to take rice instead of bread as those who take bread generally do not want rice.
3 December 1932
I cannot understand why you have got so upset, for I have been conscious of nothing unusual except a little more concentration because of S's accident (she has broken her arm by falling yesterday). I found it quite good that you should sit at that place so long as she cannot occupy it herself, and I have no objection to your removing my sandals.
So cast away all disturbance and recover your normal balance.
With my blessings
December 1932
I have an impression that the visitors are arriving with a big appetite and that they may find our dishes somewhat small. Consequently I have increased the quantity on the "menu".
14 February 1933
I hear that your clothes are torn—this won't do. But I have no long dhoties. I am sending you 2 pairs of shomins. Instead of cutting in the middle (where there is the mark), cut them as long as needed to wear them as dhoties and with the bit left I suppose you can have a punjabi made by Kanai. This will do for the moment until I receive the new cloth.
16 February 1933
Why were you so serious at pranam?
Don't let anything from outside approach and disturb you. What people think, do or say is of little importance. The only thing that counts is your relation with the Divine—and from that point of view you have nothing to worry about, all is all right.
And never forget that we love and trust you.
30 April 1933
My dear Mother,
P and I went to Aroumé [the Ashram Dining Room] today. We find the existing kitchen an impossibility. To change it we will have to spend time and money. We can put the kitchen somewhere else, as I am showing here in the plan.
The room which has an opening towards the Governor's house can be turned into a kitchen. It has tiles on the roof and glass ventilators for light. We can put the ovens there. As for the smoke from the ovens, we can put up a chimney. The food we can carry to the serving room. The kitchen vessels we can wash in the kitchen itself.
Unfortunately the latrines are next to the kitchen and also a new gutter. We can close the gutter and cut off the view of the latrines by planting a creeper.
I do not think this idea is at all practicable.
First, the greatest objection is the neighbourhood of the latrines; to hide them or to shut a gutter does not prevent the flies from going freely from the latrines to the food in the kitchen.
Second, X was very particular that we should not misuse these rooms. I do not think he would agree to turn them into a kitchen.
Third, to put a kitchen just under the windows of the Government House, sending them directly all the smoke of our cooking, is just the best way to get us into trouble.
Fourth, it is a long way to carry the food to the serving place.
Fifth, there are many other minor inconveniences.
Sixth, you cannot judge the existing kitchen so long as it is not thoroughly cleaned and repaired. If it is not sufficiently ventilated and if there is not enough light, we can put in a new window. I am ready to do it at my own expense if necessary.
4 December 1933
(Around this time Dyuman suffered a nervous breakdown due to overwork. It took him about four months to recover. A number of letters in the following pages refer to this condition of nervous exhaustion.)
I would like you to go to bed now. I am sending you a hot tisane which is expected to make you perspire.
As I am not sure that you have something sufficiently warm to cover yourself in bed, I am sending you a cover.
18 December 1933
About the Aroumé accounts, I shall make one account for You and one for the accountant.
You can ask S to lend you his books, it will help you to learn the words; 3 books only: menu, entrées, sorties. The description of all that has been used in each dish is not necessary.
c. 24 December 1933
Instead of so many books, can there not be less?
If you put entrées and sorties in the same book, you can have two books only; but it must be very clear, so that I can see at the first glance.
There is no peace and happiness in my being. What has happened to me? It was seven years ago, when I was in the hospital, that I took the final decision: I am here to live at the Feet of Sri Aurobindo; it is my only life.
Today there is a great struggle in me. I hope it will not lead to misery, trouble, peril and difficulty. My body falls down as if it is dying. Mother, my heart is completely broken today.
What has happened? I am anxious and want to know. Anything wrong physically? Of which heart are you speaking? and why? Is there any exterior cause for that? My love is anxious and wants to know all about it.
25 December 1933
My Mother,
Bless me with Thy Love. I now go out of this compound for the Divine Work, protected and surrounded by Your Love and the Love of my beloved Sri Aurobindo.
My Mother, though I shall be working outside, I am ever Thine, ever at Thy Feet.
Why do you speak of working outside? Do you think that any house of the Ashram is outside our atmosphere, even the most material? Here or there it is just the same: I am always close to you, helping you, supporting you, working through you, and it is not a few yards more or less which can make any difference for that.
4 January 1934
S wants to work with me. But she will not be able to bear this atmosphere and will easily get upset. I am altogether a different person in my room than when I am at work. She had not seen me at work: quite upright, honest and full of justice. She must become more quiet and calm and get firmly established in the faith before we give her any work.
I fully agree with you in this. She is not yet ready for that, and it is better if she goes on with her paddy work. She might be given separate work from the two others to avoid all clash.
10 January 1934
Let a wide and deep peace settle in you, my child; it will give you rest. As far as your body is concerned, I wish that you should go to the market in a push rickshaw. I am sure that it will do much to lessen the burden of fatigue. Some monthly arrangement can easily be made with a pushwalla and it will be, on the whole, quite an insignificant increase of expense. It seems that the peon who worked some time for the Ashram could do that. You might speak to him and find a suitable arrangement.
I am quietly happy. Now I go to bed at 10.20, to rise in the morning with Your Vastness and Peace.
If it were possible for you to go to bed 20 minutes earlier, I would like it very much.
13 January 1934
I have learned that N is not remaining healthy at present. I would like to stop her work at least for a week, to let her rest.
I do not think it advisable to stop altogether N's work. It would not be good for her. If she feels tired she may do less, but she must remain occupied.
22 January 1934
S wanted to spend 20 minutes with me. That is not possible—not even 10 minutes regularly at a fixed hour. It is nothing but a vital demand on me; I cannot satisfy that. I can give her 2 or 3 minutes and not more.
It is not at all advisable to let her encroach like that upon you. The more she will get, the more she will want and finally, if she could, she would swallow you up.
Mother, I do not think that I should go to call her; if she comes to me I shall receive her. What do You say?
Keep quiet. You must not go to call her. She wants to annex you; this cannot be tolerated.
c. 25 January 1934
I do not understand this Yoga. I know only this: To be one with the Mother and to live and work for Her; this is all.
Why are the Ashram inmates hankering after food? Why this big fuss over eating? Why are we breaking our heads due to vital desire, ego, pride, self-will, mental ideas and preferences? I do not follow all this and am unable to understand.
Mother, my heart was filled with such feelings; it was restless and unquiet again. But now I am quiet and happy. All these feelings have passed away.
This is very good. Indeed, if you want to do your work with a clear mind and discrimination, you must never get upset—whatever happens. This is a very important point.
26 January 1934
When I wrote "your work", I meant "your working", still more clearly "your carrying out of my work". I know that your aspiration is to become more and more fit to manifest the Divine's Will. That will never be forgotten or doubted. It is understood once and for all. And whatever I tell you to be or to do, it is from that point of view that I tell it.
27 January 1934
Seeing the work of the Building Department at Aroumé, I found so many faulty repairs. [The disciple noted several defects in the carpentry, painting and masonry work.] Mother, we spend plenty of money, but get a very bad result. We do some work, we find faults in it, we break it, we redo it and it comes out as something else. Labour, time, money and energy are wasted, yet we do not get what we require.
For all that, the change can come only from within, when the consciousness of each and everyone will be changed.
28 January 1934
These are the books I tried to write. Certainly I shall give You all the information in detail.
I thought you were writing the books and not sending them. That is why I asked for them. But if it is to add to a work already somewhat excessive, I do not want it. You will let me know only if there is something of importance.
Is there no way of arranging the work so that you might take a little more rest? It would please me immensely.
January 1934
S, the new visitor, came for work today. She cut the vegetables, then did not even wait to clean the knife she used. At noon she is expected to stay up to the finishing of the cutting, that is, to put aside the peelings for the bullocks, to put away the knives etc. in the cupboard and do other such works.
I think we cannot ask that from her in the beginning, at least. If she truly wants to do work she will ask you what to do and how to do it, and then things can be explained to her, leaving her the choice to do or not to do. She is only a visitor and cannot be treated as the permanent members are.
4 February 1934
Newcomers staying in the Ashram houses come to the Dining Room for food. But what about people staying outside the Ashram, in hotels and private houses?
Is it not easier to let them eat in the Dining Room as food cannot be sent to the hotel? That is why I said that they could come to the Dining Room. But it may be better to give them food in the late-comers' room to prevent their mixing too much with the inmates and ... their bad habits!
7 February 1934
I am quietly happy, though I still have a cold and headache. This physical disturbance is sure to go away. And I am joining in the work. Mother, let me be out doing my work; it will be good for me. I defy all attacks on the body.
One day of rest from time to time is not a bad thing—but it is better to get rid of the cold and headache as soon as possible.
8 February 1934
Often I get colds and fevers and am obliged to remain in bed for some time. During and after each illness my body becomes weak and faints.
How is it that I often have illnesses and my body becomes so weak? I feel that it is not as strong as it ought to be for Your work. I had high hopes and expected much from the body, but it has failed.
Your body is all right, but you are not giving it enough rest and food. I will have to ask you to be more careful on these two points because I want to make it strong and healthy, but regular rest and nourishing food are indispensable for that. I would like to give you one orange for orange juice every day. The best time would be when you rise. For that, if you give me a flask, I could fill it in the evening and send it to you before you go to bed and you would take it in the morning when you wake up.
9 February 1934
The cartman could not get a coolie to help him transport the kerosene. Not minding the load, he dragged the cart to Aroumé. While going up the slope at the gate, he was thrown back with the cart. I was there just in time to help. He gave me back the two annas I had given him for a coolie. Seeing the work he did, I gave one anna to him, as he deserved it. I would have paid two annas to a coolie.
You could have given him the two annas.
10 February 1934
1 have asked R to see whether corn flour is available in the European shops. This will be the best corn flour. We can no longer give You Your food prepared out of bazaar flour full of insects, old and kept out in the open. I shall put an end to this business.
Yes, it is better to stop that bad flour.
12 February 1934
I hope that You will not hesitate to tell me anything required to be done during our crucial Darshan days.
Be quiet and confident, it is all that is required.
Blessings
19 February 1934
Dear Mother,
All kinds of bad suggestions about myself come and pass away; I have no time at present to pay attention to them, but every possible thing tries to enter: (1) I am bad; (2) I am fallen; (3) the body is a failure; I would like to give it up; (4) I have received nothing, progressed nowhere; and many more such things.
All this is mere nonsense and falsehood and nothing more. You do well to pay no attention to it.
22 February 1934
The fever is over. I am quite all right. Tonight I will drink the decoction again and I am sure I will get up 100 percent cured. My Mother, You are with me and our relation is now more close, more compact and more loving.
Certainly our relation is bound to become more and more close and strong and intimate.
Only your insistence is on the work—and my insistence is on your health first.
I have just heard somebody coughing. Is it you? It seems to me that, until you are quite free from this cough, it would be better not to rise before the sun rises; because these early morning hours are very cold and that helps in prolonging the illness.
My love and blessing are constantly with you, whatever are the circumstances.
3 March 1934
Dear Mother.
G has sent to me four annas through the doctor to buy oranges for her from the market. Shall I bring them?
Yes.
The doctor tells me that she wants to eat soft khichri. I said: "Let her eat sago conjee, bread and milk. If you go on giving food like khichri, there will be no end to it; people will go on demanding special things, you will not find people to cook them and then you will be in difficulty."
Your answer was quite right. This special diet for each one is an impossibility. You can send her the oranges, saying that I am sending them.
With love and blessings
5 March 1934
Why are you not taking honey and butter? They are both good for your health and will give you strength. It is light and wholesome food. For cough it is recommended to drink very hot milk sugared with honey (2 teaspoons in a cup of milk). Or the drink that P prepares for you can also be sweetened with honey.
What you say about my trust in you is quite true—and that in itself should give you the strength and the courage to do what is needed to get completely cured.
With love.
Resist all depression, it is just the thing that would delay your cure. If this cold is not gone, I want you to take rest tomorrow (Saturday) and on Sunday I shall see you at 11 a.m. to set things right.
Our force and love are with you.
16 March 1934
(Regarding the disciple's physical condition. He had a headache, sore throat, fever, and suffered from general nervous strain and weakness.)
To get over this attack soon, one thing is needed: remain quiet, calm, peaceful. Do not get upset, do not fear, do not get restless or impatient. A quiet, firm trust in the Divine's Grace is the one thing needed.
The anxiety of the mind, the restlessness of the vital delay the cure more than anything else.
Our love and protection are always with you.
21 March 1934
I feel hungry and I eat. My weakness is decreasing, I feel. The doctor told me: "Because you remain confined in your room, there is this weakness."
I am very happy to hear that you are all right. It seems to me that if you walk for some time in the garden, it will help to make you recover your strength.
22 March 1934
I walked in the sun from 10 to 11.20 a.m. It was all right as long as I was out in the sun, but no sooner did I enter my room than I began to get cold on the body. I remained lying on the bed up to 12.25. I found that there was fever in the body. I took some food, covered myself tightly and slept. At 1.30 I was completely wet with perspiration, yet the fever was still there and the shivering of the body. Again I covered myself, again perspired and after the third perspiration at 3.30 all was cool, no fever, no headache.
Today I am quiet, Mother. But a suggestion passed: Why write such things again and again to Mother?
It is better to write always whatever happens in your consciousness and in your body also.
What you had felt like fever and the consequent perspiration is simply the working of the force to throw out what remains of the illness in you.
It is good that you are becoming quiet. You must teach your body to be quiet also and to have full confidence. Then things will become all right.
25 March 1934
In the afternoon, I perspired so much that all the clothes on my body were quite damp; and like yesterday, there was that kind of fever, but after one hour's walk in the sun I was fresh and full of strength.
When You look at me from the roof, my body gets heated. Even when You start from Your room for the roof, it begins to heat up; the eyes burn and my whole body is as if on fire.
You need not worry, it is the fire that is pushing the illness away.
My well beloved Mother, at each moment You remind me of Your love and affection; and to You my difficulties do not seem to be so severe as they present themselves to me.
I am not at all anxious and find nothing so very severe about it.
You have strained your nerves to the utmost and nerves require time to recover, that is all.
26 March 1934
When I started turning myself towards God 22 years ago or so, I never imagined that this could happen to me, not even when Sri Aurobindo openly questioned me: "Who has given you this Yoga?"
Now it has happened: that unfailing confidence and courage got shaken, and I had a breakdown. Yet in all this nervousness, my love for You, my faith in You and our relation is just the same, or rather, we have become closer. You have treated me like a sick baby—Your baby—and it is Your love that is curing me.
Yes, you have only to keep your faith unshaken and to be patient—everything will be all right.
We are not speaking of work just now, because we want you to rest quietly without any worry—but we have no intention of changing your work. It is waiting for you and you will take it back as soon as you are quite all right.
Mother
All through I have felt Your Love. You have given me a long rest, and in fact the body does need to rest still more. Even when I speak, I get high and rapid breathing—a kind of fatigue comes to the lungs.
O my dear Mother, heart of my heart and love of my love, as long as You are with me, I am fearless. You have given me today a true and solid confidence and my entire being has taken refuge in You.
I will work outwardly, but inwardly I will always be in Your deep and infinite peace, in Your ice box of Eternal Peace.
I am so happy that all the clouds are gone. Now only some time more of rest for the body to recover completely and all will be all right—with something gained that was not there before.
27 March 1934
Some people tell me that my condition is the result of too much strain. No doubt the nerves got strained and then came the breakdown of the body, but I have lost nothing thereby—I have gained. Strain or no strain, I have not lost my Mother. Mother, we have lost nothing. You have gained a child who knows and understands You better, and I have gained my Mother; I have Her love and She presides in my being actively.
Yes, we have lost nothing, on the contrary, we have gained much.
28 March 1934
I feel that the persons who were connected with me in a personal relation are definitely wishing for my recovery. What will be my relation with them when I shall be out? Mother, You will settle it, and I shall obey You.
The most important thing will be not to allow them to eat you up as they used to do before.
Mother, I am quite at rest and the days are passing so quickly.
Yes, rest, rest, rest—be quiet and gather strength and force, not only to do work but also, chiefly, to achieve the Transformation.
30 March 1934
I pass the day in Your Love and Presence. All through the day we are together, and at each moment this becomes more and more real and concrete: to live in You is the Truth.
This is very good and a promise of complete victory.
My love, my blessings, my presence are always with you.
4 April 1934
D came to me this evening and told me: "J is forcing me to wash the mats. Can they be washed with soap? Can they be washed?" I told her: "No, they cannot be washed; at the most you can put them in the sun."
It seems that they have become very dirty with vegetable droppings, salt, etc. I do not think we can keep them like that, they would begin to smell horribly. A wet cloth might be passed over them, at least, and they must be placed in the sun.
My body is increasing in bulk and volume, my physical consciousness or outward consciousness is growing in Your consciousness. The growth of my body depends upon this external consciousness growing in You.
It is all right. I think you can put on a little more flesh without any inconvenience.
Love and blessings
5 April 1934
I have no confidence in the body; it is too sensitive. I cannot be rash. I still fear to drink cold water from the kuja, I go to the filter each time for water. I cover myself before going to sleep.
A fear and a feeling of weakness have entered the body, but this fear and this feeling are not true. They are falsehoods that are to be shaken away and replaced by the contrary conviction and feeling—the conviction that the body will get stronger than before and the feeling that the physical strength, like the rest, belongs to the Divine and that there is no reason why the body should not receive it in plenty.
8 April 1934
Now I realise that if I could love You with all my being and keep Your Presence in every single cell and atom, it would not be an inferior work to any outer work or activity.
My dear Mother, do with me as You want. I remain completely quiet, obedient, surrendered and cheerful.
Yes, keep quiet and gather peace and strength. When the time has come I shall ask you to start work again and you will see that it will be done quite smoothly.
With love and blessings always
Quietly happy and at rest. The body is becoming strong, and it will become more so. Tomorrow I finish my last bottle of honey.
I think that soon we shall speak of taking up a little work, very little work only to begin with. I shall call you once before so that we may speak of it fully.
12 April 1934
In spite of some of the things I have been hearing about Aroumé and the work there, I am quietly happy. I feel that things are going to change and get better. I leave them to You.
It seems to me that things have gone on fairly all right during your absence; it is not at all so bad as it could have been. I intend to see you on Friday the 20th at 11 a.m. We shall see what is to be done at that time.
13 April 1934
Today the head is strained—by what I do not know. I feel a great heaviness on the head, as if the whole sky has come down. The body does not want to move, it asks only for rest. When I sit down my eyes close by themselves; at once I feel still, quiet, as if frozen, yet full of life within.
Be very, very quiet, do not think about what the work will be. This week take complete rest, and sleep as much as you feel inclined to sleep. It is perfectly strong and rested, with the head free, that you must take up the work again. It is very important that the head should be neither heavy nor strained.
14 April 1934
S bought 24 kg of potatoes yesterday. Out of that, 9 kg were not good. Of course they will be utilised in parts.
Bad potatoes are very dangerous and have a nasty taste even in the "good" parts. It might be better not to use these spoilt potatoes.
Last night's salad (cucumber and potatoes) was so very good that I thought during the hot season we might try to have salad twice a week.
16 April 1934
Beloved Mother,
I remain completely quiet, calm and open. And if this outer consciousness remains a block and does not give way like an obstinate horse, we shall patiently take it into our control, make it submissive and allow the Divine Will to manifest.
This is quite good.
Do not get bothered with the recurrence of the "cold". With the influenza it is almost always like that. But finally it will get cured.
17 April 1934
Dear Maman,
When You asked me: "Do you take S with you in the push rickshaw?" I said "No." Did You mean that I may take him? Or was Ito take him?
1 thought that if he went at the same time as you go to the market he might feel it an injustice that he should have to walk when you are sent in the push. But if he goes after you this question does not arise.
21 April 1934
This auspicious Darshan day has given me a new life, a new consciousness and a new aspiration. I feel that a force of transformation has gathered and it will transform me. I bow down to Thee, dear Mother, and with Your Love and Blessings I begin the new life.
Yes, a special protection accompanies my blessings today and a certitude of Victory is included in my love.
24 April 1934
I am happy to be working again. All Your Love, Grace and Protection are with me, Your Presence is in me and, Mother, surely the Divine Grace shall manifest.
Keep this quietness and this faith, let nothing disturb them. If there are things to be changed, do it slowly, not in a hurry—time is a great helper when we know how to make use of it—and change only what is quite indispensable. Rules must not be too rigid—the Divine's working needs suppleness and plasticity—and for the workers, a too rigid rule is a big strain for the nerves. It is only when the liberties taken are dangerous and harmful that they must be checked.
And be sure that all will be all right.
I am quietly happy in Your love and confident of being as the Divine wishes because You will make me so.
I am quite confident that you will be more and more as the "Divine wishes" and that all will be all right.
B gave me a bag of paddy from Chidambaram; we shall have this rice cooked for the whole Ashram on the 29th.
Will you remind me of it on the day so that I may put special care in tasting it.
25 April 1934
N often comes to me for work. If You like, we can give him the kerosene work. He will keep the account and give it to me daily; this will be a check upon him. I do not fear that he will misuse the articles entrusted to him. With a ray of faith that he may be changed, I submit this to You.
Did you speak to L about stopping the kerosene work? How does he take it? This is an important point.
If we give that work to N it must be with a very strong warning that he must be absolutely scrupulous, that any breach of trust would be taken very seriously. He must give regular accounts daily which will be submitted to me.
All love and blessings with you.
I hear that A's salad leaves have been thrown in the dust bin! What a horrible wastage! So many people would have been glad to get them, it is such wholesome food! I cannot understand such a thing.
If it was too much work to put them in the general cooking, at least they could have been given away. S would have been so happy to get them. I hope that in future such a thing will not happen again.
26 April 1934
In the kitchen, H and P work hard and without any reserve. If ever You have a worker of Your choice for the kitchen, I pray to You, please lighten the work for them.
The difficulty will be to find somebody whom they will agree to take inside the work. I do not want fresh quarrels. If you have anybody to suggest, I shall very willingly arrange.
With patience and persistence everything will become all right.
I have taken my seat in the heart of my child and my blessings are with him.
7 May 1934
O my beloved Mother,
Surely You are giving me a bath in Your Love.
Whatever people may say of me—good or bad—I have my dear Mother in my heart, holding me close to Her bosom. I know also that when dangers are outside, when there is bad will, my Mother keeps me under Her wings and then nothing can touch me, nothing can affect me.
Yes, my child.
You are always in my arms, bathed in my love which must be the strongest protection against all attacks of any kind. Keep your entire faith and confidence: we shall cross victoriously through all difficulties.
13 May 1934
D asked for less curds, but J served her the ordinary cup. She began to return the cup, but he would not take it, so she left it on the table. Then he asked her to get Mother's sanction if only half a cup of curds was required. D complained to me about all this. I said: "I shall see tomorrow."
Truly we cannot interfere in such petty things. Those who constantly forget that they are not here to lead the most silly ordinary life cannot expect us to deal with their stupid quarrels.
27 May 1934
O Lord Buddha, the forces of Mara attacked You, but You were unshaken, concentrated, calm, quiet, peaceful; then the Light descended, the hostile forces disappeared and there was peace on earth.
O Mother, let us all remain consecrated to the Truth, always peaceful, calm, quiet and unshaken, unmoved by any circumstances, and the hostile forces shall vanish.
Yes, this is excellent. It is by a quiet, strong and persistent peace that the true victories can be won.
28 May 1934
My Beloved Mother,
My entire being takes refuge in You and at each moment feels You as the Reality.
I always keep you in my arms and will carry you through all difficulties.
29 May 1934
Let my entire being remain turned only towards You.
Be very careful to remain always calm and peaceful and let an integral equanimity establish itself more and more completely in your being. Do not allow your mind to be too active and to live in turmoil, do not jump to conclusions from a superficial view of things; always take your time, concentrate and decide only in quietness.
My love and blessings are always with you.
30 May 1934
I am tired of my nature. I must rise above it if I want to fulfil the work. Again and again it knocks me down and tries to drag me into an unquiet state full of doubt, lack of confidence, and ego.
Mother, lift me once more out of this turmoil in my nature and let me breathe in the free and vast air of Your infinite Love.
It is not in one day that one can overcome one's own nature. But with patience and enduring will the Victory is sure to come.
1 June 1934
I actually see the waves of hostility against me, yet I am quiet; my being remains firm, poised and concentrated in Your Love and Presence.
Yes, be quiet. We have only to work patiently without being disturbed by anything and keep unshaken the faith in the inevitable Victory.
6 June 1934
I asked for tamarind on behalf of the ladies, to use for cleaning. He told me a long story about Your sanction for the tamarind, so I gave it to him. I still hold my view that lemon skins are sufficient, but these ladies have their own ideas. Tamarind cleans faster than lemon, which takes more work and which they do not want to do.
The advantage of the lemon skins over the tamarind is that lemon skins do not spoil the hand—on the contrary—while the tamarind will bring crevasses. But let them have the experience of it.
Mother, L and I have a nick-name now: Pagal, which means madcap.
Do not mind the stupidity of others.
8 June 1934
The Divine Consciousness descends, fills the earth and penetrates deeply. It is sure to bring about the complete recovery of the earth.
You have worked out many things in me within these few days; You have given me Your patience, quietness and peace, an energy that works and works and a firm faith in the infinity of time.
Yes, the certitude of the Victory gives an infinite patience with the maximum of energy.
Always with you
9 June 1934
I do not find it difficult to deal with F. I believe that I can exert a good influence upon her and bring her back to You. Arrange that we may come in contact with each other under the pretext of work or anything You like. I know that if I go, I am surrounded with Your love and protection. I dare to do so because You have kept me in the protection of Your love.
It is true that the divine protection is always around us, but it works completely only when we are faced by dangers which were unavoidable; that is to say, when doing some work for the Divine if dangers suddenly rise on the way then the protection works at its best. But to take up some work that is, after all, not at all indispensable and not even surely useful and which is extremely dangerous, counting on the divine protection to save us from all possible consequences, this is a movement which is like a challenge to the Divine, and the Divine will never agree to it.
I will explain myself—if it were indispensable that you should learn her work (which is, in fact, not only not indispensable but absurdly useless) and if F was the only person who could teach you (which is not the case, because H knows almost as well as she does) then we could overlook the very real dangers that await you by meeting F regularly, and this meeting could perhaps, with the Divine's help and protection, have some good results for E
But to pretend to learn the work only with the purpose of acting on F's character, is putting a worm of insincerity in the very seed of the action and can only have disastrous results.
10 June 1934
The work at the Dining Room is being done and it will always be done; the cupboards, floor and cloths there are cleaner than at any other place. But something else must be done now: we must rise above falsehood and our false nature.
Yes, this is the important thing. Once falsehood is conquered, all these difficulties will go.
22 June 1934
Formerly, the wood pieces bought for cooking used to take a long time to burn—it was slow cooking; but the fire from these wood-shavings is quite strong and cooks quickly. Personally, I feel that food cooked under a slow fire is good in taste and good for the digestion also.
I am tasting the food both morning and evening and find it quite good in all ways. As for the fire some things need quick cooking, some need slow cooking. In the last case you might add a few pieces of wood to the shavings in order to keep a slower fire.
Mother, I would like to know who are the persons having the stomach ache, for I may be able to trace something. The water used for cooking is always filtered and passed through a piece of cloth. Since a very long time, we clean our pans and vessels with ashes only—fine and sieved. Is soap required?
No, soap is not required and I am sure that nothing is dirty. As for the people who had stomach ache they are of several kinds and most of them are not taking food from outside, but it may very well be the change of weather and that they have caught cold in their stomach. There is nothing to worry about, I am sure.
24 June 1934
Today I was threatened with clouds, dark clouds; but now all that has passed away quietly. Mother, forgetfulness of Your Loving Presence, even for a few minutes, brought such a deathlike condition—it was quite unbearable. I felt so relieved when it passed away.
I do not understand how clouds can come to you now and am quite sure that they cannot remain at all. You must have caught it from somebody. Be careful to always keep the living Presence and Protection around you when you speak to people.
With all love always.
26 June 1934
I worked with C or rather I replaced him for a few minutes. I felt so happy to see him. You have joined us as friends for Your work and taken us to such a state of conscious understanding, knowledge and love that misunderstanding, disharmony, intolerance and anger have no place.
What you say is quite true. There is a deep and true Consciousness in which all can meet in love and harmony.
28 June 1934
The 14th of July 1 is coming. The roads on both sides of Aroumé will be filled with crowds of people and there will hardly be any space for people to pass, especially in the evening. I propose that the inmates finish their dinner early, a gate-keeper be put there all through the day, and the gate be locked from inside at 7.30 p.m. I do not fear the public rowdiness, but it is better for us to be on our guard.
Yes, it is better to be on guard. It may even be better to close completely the front gate (except for letting in and out the cart) and to open the door of the waiting room on the rue Francois Martin, with somebody keeping that door. Moreover the terrace of Aroumé will be a wonderful place for watching the fireworks. All those who want to see them must be allowed to remain there and go away together by the back door when all is finished. When they are gone M will bolt the door.
A suggests that the ladies need not go for their food that evening—it can be sent to their rooms in tiffin boxes.
I do not see at all the necessity of these precautions, if things are arranged as I have explained. Moreover, some of the ladies may like to see the fireworks and if they go and come with somebody to accompany them, there is no possible danger.
1 July 1934
My dear and beloved Mother,
Today I was very badly disturbed—the disturbance of all those ladies was rushing upon me. I refused to listen to anything; I said to myself: "The Divine is the Truth; the same Divine element is in all. See that, live that. Harmony, love, peace and happiness is the life of the Ashram."
I am happy to see that you have kept the right attitude and remained unshaken by these superficial and silly storms.
Always with you in the love and the protection
6 July 1934
The serving room has become a place to read the newspapers. Can it be allowed? Had there been the works of Sri Aurobindo or Your "Prayers", it would be all right. But novels, monthlies and dailies—how can they be read there?
I suppose it is difficult to interfere in this matter. If the readers don't feel we cannot impose it upon them.
7 July 1934
It has always seemed to me that I do not know the meaning of Bhakti. But like a river, my entire being flows and flows towards You. This is all that I know, Mother, and I wish that it may flow more and more, rise in floods, break all limits and disappear once and for all into Your Love.
This is bhakti and nothing else.
10 July 1934
When the servant K comes to fetch the empty tiffin-boxes, he opens them and eats anything that is left or takes it away. I have asked Amrita to tell him not to open the tiffin-boxes at all: his business is only to remove them. A will speak to him tomorrow.
What happens to all the food taken back in the tiffin-boxes? Is it distributed (and first to the servants working in Aroumé) or is it thrown away? If it is not distributed I do not see why this poor man should not eat if he is hungry. Most of the servants refuse to take the food that is left; if one takes it why refuse it to him? Perhaps when the boxes come back to Aroumé all the food is mixed up and becomes uneatable. All this is to be seen carefully, before deciding anything.
14 July 1934
The ants trouble me too much; they cover up the butter in my room. I have no jar or bottle, so I keep the butter in the butter-tin itself.
For the butter you have only to take a deep dish filled with water, you set an empty tin in the middle and place your butter on the top of the tin.
18 July 1934
M does not feel inclined to give cow-dung. He asked me: "What will you do with it?"
I said: "I shall mix cow-dung, sawdust and charcoal dust, and prepare balls for fuel."
"From where do you get the charcoal dust?" he asked.
"From S," I replied.
He told me: "I ask and ask him for it, but he does not give it to me. If you give me charcoal dust I will give you cow-dung, as much as you want."
Mother, if You want to give him charcoal dust, certainly it can be given.
The charcoal dust is absolutely indispensable in the balls if you want them to last long and give good heat without having too bad a smell. But S has much more charcoal dust than you can use; in fact there was one time when he was giving or throwing it away. So there will be surely enough charcoal dust for the balls and to give to M also. If you need a word written for S, I shall give it.
20 July 1934
I am not so sure of getting plantains. If they are available, they will be the plantains You saw today, kept until tomorrow. If they are not available, shall I return without them? And I might put a notice written on the slate in Aroumé: "No plantains in the market."
It is difficult to put up such a notice if there are actually some plantains in the bazaar. It is only if truly there are none that you can say so.
22 July 1934
Will the day not come soon when I work for You, my dear Mother, and You rest completely on Your sofa; You bring down the Divine unmanifest and we work and manifest You.
This is a point which is impossible for me to answer just now. With all love and blessings always
23 July 1934
All submission to Thee, all love for Thee, a complete merging, a total disappearance in Thee. Today an unconditional surrender of my entire being rushes out in floods to Thee.
Yes, my dear child, I know that your surrender is quite sincere, and you know also, I am sure, that my trust in you and your future is complete.
All love and blessings to you, always
I got 200 plantains quite unripe. I am distributing them tomorrow morning with a hope that inmates will preserve them for one day and then eat them.
Perhaps you could send a notice saying that the plantains are unripe and have to be kept as nothing else was available in the market.
24 July 1934
Beloved Love,
Surely I know Your love, Your affection, Your trust in my future—it is bright, brilliant, luminous. May all my love be for You, Mother.
Look in front of you with a wide, quiet, strong peace and advance steadily. All will be all right.
25 July 1934
My consciousness is getting changed. I see and realise Oneness, Union, Harmony. You are in each one of us and You shine in all. I feel You, Mother, Your Love and Your Light.
It is your own consciousness that is growing and changing, and it is very good.
All love to you, my child
28 July 1934
The entire adhar must be perfectly strong—quiet, at rest, in peace, unmoved, undisturbed, steady, perfectly balanced—before the Divine Realisation takes place.
Yes, all this is quite correct and it is indeed this deeper Peace that must establish itself in you.
With all love and blessings, always
29 July 1934
Yesterday K took R's mother to Aroumé. In the godown she asked H: "Are you married? Where is your husband? Have you got a child? How big is it?"
How imbecile!
K told H: "Do you understand what she says! May I tell you?"
H replied: "I understand, no need of your speaking."
Mother, it would be better not to have visitors when we are at work; and nobody should be taken to Aroumé at the time of serving and eating. They must arrange with me previously.
Quite right.
A notice can be put up to this effect, that Aroumé cannot be visited without a special authorisation of the Mother and previous arrangement with Dyuman as for the hour of the visit.
With all love and blessings
4 August 1934
A of the Washing Section asks me to help him. He says: "The Mother has written to me to be very careful about the flies so they may not gather, etc."
Yes—flies are very dangerous, just now more than ever.
When the Washing Section is working it puts the inmate's vessels in water immediately; but when the inmates go for their food at late hours, their dishes remain in the open and flies gather on them.
No dishes must be left in the open as an attraction for flies. If they cannot be washed at once, they must be dipped in a tub full of water—this is very important.
It is better, these days to wash every day with "chlorure de chaux" the floor of the kitchen, the serving room and the dining rooms. The serving tables too.
8 August 1934
My Beloved,
D prepares syrup to put in Your juice out of the ordinary sugar supplied by R. Would it not be better to use the Taikoo packets of China sugar for You?
It is not necessary; the other one gets quite clean by the boiling and filtering.
My dear child, I am always with you in all love, protection and trust.
16 August 1934
All Love to You. May things be more quiet, more calm, and may You have a full rest.
In the present condition of things at large, we must be satisfied, I suppose, with the inner rest which is always there, untouched by any exterior turmoil.
17 August 1934
What to do about the potatoes and onions asked by the ladies? I have not been able to find a solution, though several times the idea has passed in me to buy them from Madras.
There is cholera in Madras too, worse than here. I would rather they did not use onions as, of all vegetables, it is the one that catches most any infection.
18 August 1934
I am informing the persons who cook for You about the onions. What shall we do for the kitchen then?
They must not be kept but used soon after buying, peeled only at the very moment of use (this is very important) and very well boiled.
Always near you, in the help and the trust
19 August 1934
The beauty of the seasonal vegetables: [the disciple lists the ingredients of two pumpkin dishes]. The things are fresh and good and cheap.
It is all right provided there will not be pumpkin at each meal.
23 August 1934
H read the note of D for the white pepper. She told me: "Why buy a bottle! Bring the white pepper, I shall grind it as fine as a bottle of Morton pepper ground in London. It will be quite fresh for the Mother."
If it is truly not too much work, certainly I like better to have it prepared at home.
30 August 1934
At D's kitchen I saw the potatoes and told her: "These cannot be used for Mother." When they are going to rot, they become soft, and she calls them flowery potatoes. I explained to her the whole thing.
If it is a question of the uncleanliness of the market, I wash and rinse the vegetables required for You in water mixed with a few drops of vinegar.
You are quite right and the market vegetables are far superior to what she gives us, especially the brinjals which seem to be made of straw.
31 August 1934
There is nothing that can stop my union with You. Boils or no boils, nothing can prevent me from merging into Your Love. I am experiencing daily that You are bearing me in Your arms and heart. Love, love to Thee, dear Mother.
Surely these boils will soon go and you will be quite well once more.
All my love is there to work this out.
4 September 1934
Why so sudden a change in my condition, I wonder? I was quite in a normal state this morning, and in the twinkling of an eye it all got changed and I was before You in a changed condition. Whatever it may be, I have learned many lessons today, Mother. The movements that were loose and scattered have become controlled and concentrated. Mother, in spite of falls and blunders, with a certitude to become as You wish.
There is no fall and no blunder and I do not know why your condition got so much changed. But if it is for the better I am very glad. Of course one has always something to learn and a progress to make, and in each circumstance we can find the occasion of learning the lesson and making the progress.
If you feel more concentrated than you were, it is a very good thing, especially if it is a concentration on the Divine, wanting more and more to avoid all influences except that of the Divine and to accept to be moved only by the Divine's will and no other. You said today that it is the end of making remarks to one another on people. Surely the day when the inmates of the Ashram will stop making among themselves remarks on the others, when all gossip will stop, it will be a blessed day and our work of realisation will be made much easier.
What you see, what you observe, you must keep for yourself and say to nobody except me.
Once again, be the giver of example to the others—show them how a true sadhak must be.
I trust that you will do it and all my love and force are with you for this accomplishment.
11 September 1934
Surely You will tell me if Your trust in me gets shaken, if Your love is not responded to.
You have called forth this being to live in the Ashram in the Light of the Divine, with the head filled with the Presence of the Divine, the heart filled with Your Love, the vital filled with the dynamic Force of the Divine for the execution of the Divine Will.
O Mother, O Lord, may You possess this being, may it come forth and live exclusively in the full splendour of Your Love and Light and Truth.
This is my prayer to the All-Gracious Divine.
Your prayer is heard, your ardent aspiration is receiving the proper response. Our trust and love are always with you and our Light and Consciousness to enlighten, transform, perfect the whole being.
With all our blessings
One thing surmounts all difficulties in me: it is that my faith, confidence and trust are never shaken. This condition of faith is solid and unbreakable; it is an eternal faith, a loving present from the Divine. I am sustained by a vast faith in You, my loving Mother, and in my beloved Sri Aurobindo.
Yes, it is your faith and love that carry you through all difficulties to an ultimate Victory.
With all my love and blessings
14 September 1934
I am quiet and happy. One prayer: may this hostile attack pass away and let all of us remain sound.
My dear child, be sure of our trust and love. Our help and protection is over all so that all trouble may come to an end.
15 September 1934
My dear child,
I do not understand how what you propose can help. The work you are given, the life you live must be the work and the life of a sadhak, not that of a coolie. If you were treated or lived like a coolie and not as a sadhak, this work could never be done by you.
Moreover I do not see how your renouncing the things I give you could in the least cure the discontent of A and those like him.
The true attitude is neither to be an ascetic nor to indulge in desire. The true attitude is to take in all simplicity what I give, to be perfectly satisfied with it and neither to ask for more nor to refuse what is given. This is the true example to give, the one that can help the others towards a better understanding of their duties as sadhaks.
Nothing can cure A except getting rid of this making desire and the satisfaction of desire the principle of his life.
Now, if he truly wants to stop the cleaning of the kitchen vessels, I suppose that you will be able to manage in another way. But first you must ascertain from him that he truly wishes to give up that work.
Remain my child, simple, quiet and content, and all will be all right.
5 October 1934
Let me tell You, my dear Mother, I am completely quiet all through, though there are direct accusations against me, and I feel happy to inform You that a better understanding is coming.
It is bound to come if we stand firm in the right attitude.
My beloved Mother, I accept You, I receive You, I have You in my heart always. My dear Mother, may Your Love manifest.
Yes, I am with you always, in the heart of your heart, in unshakeable Consciousness and Love.
11 October 1934
I heard that D, B, N and G have all made accusations against me. But that does not matter. I am quite happy—happier and more firm and quiet than ever before. There is one thing that has given me quietness and kept me at rest: Your confidence, Your Love, and my faith in Your Love.
Dear Mother, the entire thing is ending and I have full hope that there will be better understanding and a little more peace.
So long as all these women are living in the vital consciousness—as they do—they are bound to quarrel, to be jealous, envious, spiteful, depressed, and the rest. The best is not to pay much importance to it—because in fact it has none. You set things right, the next day they go wrong again, because the seat of their consciousness is not changed. Even if they turn to the Divine, they will turn in the same spirit and with the same reactions: competition, strife, anger, jealousy, spite and the rest.
It is the consciousness that must change its seat and get out from the vital to a higher or deeper place.
When they come to you, you can tell them that all these stories have no importance whatever, that they are the ordinary reactions of the ordinary life and that surely it is no use coming here to live in that ordinary way. They must make an effort to rise to a higher and truer, to a more disinterested and unselfish consciousness and there they will see that all will be all right for them.
As for you, I am happy that all this turmoil left you untouched. Indeed it must be so more and more and you must yourself look at all these things from the light and equanimity of a spiritual consciousness filled with the Divine Presence and Love.
Our help and trust are always with you.
12 October 1934
This morning, when H and P were frying the balls for vegetables, this thought passed in me:
We come here to stay. Suppose we are put to the test? We are put in a big pan filled with oil beneath a very strong fire, and we have to sit in the pan, calm, quiet, unmoved and completely at rest. Those who pass the test are allowed to take up the Yoga.
It would scarcely be a test. The moral courage and endurance are often much more difficult to get than the material courage and endurance.
15 October 1934
My task is more difficult now. When A comes to me, he hardly speaks about the work at the Granary. But he can freely talk on subjects unnatural to me: the world, its curiosities and many other things. I am really puzzled over the matter.
Let him talk, you need not answer. Simply keep living in you the thought of the true consciousness and the will that he should awake to it.
18 October 1934
During the monsoon rains the servants failed to show up and we inmates volunteered to distribute the food and carry the dishes to the other inmates. Shall we not go on like that?
Yes, it will have to be done. People cannot go without food.
21 October 1934
I am happy because I am always supported and carried by You. So often the workers come to me and play a drama and fall into gloom. But I am happy, my dear Mother, so the gloom passes away from them and happiness and peace pervade.
Yes, it is very good—happiness is as contagious as gloom. And nothing can be more useful than to pass on to people the contagion of a true and deep happiness.
25 October 1934
My entire being remains more unmoved than before, more unshaken, more undisturbed, more unclouded by circumstances, conditions and gloom.
Yes, this is good—and this equanimity and poise must go on increasing until perfection.
Our help, love and trust are always with you.
26 October 1934
Not a pleasant information: this evening at 6.00 I broke the porcelain handle of the window-spring. I am very very sorry for this unpleasant incident.
It does not matter, they will replace it by a brass one—it is truly a very small incident without importance.
Always with you my dear child, bringing you peace, help and protection with an unshakeable love.
28 October 1934
Surely Your Love is unshakeable and always You love me. Surely I shall advance with You, as fast as Your Love permits. I am once more firmly poised on a better plane than ever before. After a little shaking and crying my equanimity has become more strong and unshakeable—because of Your unshakeable Love.
Your love fully answers to mine.
Yes, my dear child, it has, indeed, been a true and great progress and your feeling of having emerged in a new light is true; rather it is a new light which has descended in some parts of the being still obscure and brought there a Certitude.
Love is, in truth, the Victor.
29 October 1934
M took no food last night, this morning and this noon. Is he not well?
I know nothing about M not eating, but perhaps it is in protest because I made him remove plants which he did not want to remove (the plants were injuring the foundations of Cocotiers house). But now if the men also will start a hunger strike when I do not do exactly what they want me to do! then ... Perhaps you might speak to him and ask him why he did not eat. Do not mention my supposition—let him say what he has to say.
30 October 1934
A few days ago S put a demand on me: "Come to Canal House daily."
I told her, "It is not possible."
Then she said, "Once a week."
I replied, "That too is difficult. All the same I shall try but it will not be regular."
"I want to come to you," she said.
"All right, at 11 a.m. when you come for your flowers."
I have not said, "Do not come to me," but when they try to bind me tight, I always find it very difficult.
She has passed through a difficult time and old movements have come up again trying to drag her back to ancient errors; that is why probably she was wanting to see you.
But surely she will be all right again after some time.
You are right in letting nobody catch hold of you, it would be very bad in all ways.
7 November 1934
S of the bakery came to me this evening and told me: "Why do you give us hard bread now? Why do you keep the stock? You can give us fresh bread daily." I explained to him the problems of the rise and fall in consumption each day and the need to keep some stock.
I suppose things can continue as they are now. But do you not think it would be fair to give to S and the bakery people a loaf of fresh bread every day? They have all the work and hard work too; they must at least eat their own bread when it is quite good.
9 November 1934
S is again badly disturbed. When I am frank, there is difficulty; when I remain silent, there is also difficulty. Give me a middle path, such as Buddha found.
Do not worry—whatever you do will always be criticized. So the best is not to pay any attention to what people say and to go on one's own path according to the highest light one can get.
With all love and blessings always
10 November 1934
My dear Love,
Physically, I am much better; the throat also seems to be better. I hope to be quite all right.
Let the light, the force, the consciousness flood your whole being and give you the strength to throw away at once the attack on your body.
11 November 1934
I had a little fever today and the throat is had also. Perhaps it is due to a sudden change of weather and it will be quite all right in a day or two. My dear Mother, I do not accept this fever or this cold. It has to go away.
Certainly it must go at once. But why not have your throat painted by P as he did it for you before?
Do you have something warm to cover yourself in the night? If not tell me, I shall give you a rug. It is in the middle of the night that the weather becomes cold.
Our love and blessings are always with you.
12 November 1934
The condition of the vegetable market is exceptionally poor. Nothing can be found in quantity for us. Prices have gone up more than double and for certain vegetables 5 or 6 times.
For the money we must accept the necessity of the expense, but we must be strict about the quality of the food. We cannot give bad or spoilt things.
13 November 1934
M told R: "Why not ask the Mother to get biscuits prepared for your son in our Bakery?" R told me: "Will you ask the Mother and take her permission to get the biscuits prepared for the boy? I shall pay you the money." I did not answer him.
I told M: "Do not make such statements. We do not do such things, it is altogether new. We shall have to write to the Mother first before we take up such things."
It is quite impossible to tax the Bakery people with such extra work and to do business with their work.
14 November 1934
You have told us: "I have come to fight and conquer."
Accept me, my dear General, as Your humble soldier. I carry Your banner of Truth and Light. I accept no defeat.
A decisive Victory is crowned upon You, my dear Mother. Divine Love is the Victor.
Yes, my dear child, you are my good warrior and you will have your share in the Victory.
16 November 1934
The last two days, when I was on the footpath of Aroumé, I got a rising of temperature in my body and a bad head; this morning it was worse and I was pushing and pushing it out.
Today I cleaned M's bottle with sweets and was bringing it to You from Aroumé. I held it tight with a consciousness that it must not fall. It did not slip, but jumped out of my hand; twice I grabbed for it and the third time it went out of my hand onto the stone steps of Aroumé and broke into pieces.
The bottle itself has no importance, but why these attacks on me when I go to Aroumé? It did not stop there. Some hostile force wanted to send me away from the Ashram, it wanted me to tell You: "Mother, I want to retire; make me free from Aroumé and the Aroumé workers."
My dear Mother, the hostile forces are taking a little pleasure in troubling me, but I accept no defeat, I do not become weak; I am up and up and on and on, forward with full strength, zeal and confidence in myself and in You and in the final Victory of the Divine Light.
Yes, fear not.
The attack is not on you only but on the whole place, because of the approaching darshan.
We have only to say—in perfect peace—to these adverse forces: what you are trying to do is perfectly useless—you can in no way interfere with the victory of the Divine.
All love and blessings to you, my dear child
19 November 1934
In all love for You, I disappear in You, and You alone live in me. My Mother, I am Thy child.
With all love to you, my dear child, I take you in my arms and keep you in my heart.
20 November 1934
This evening I wished and wished for a being to come, a being who has risen above all lower nature and is completely merged in the Divine. My dear Mother, there are such beings somewhere above; may they come down and serve You and manifest Your Love and Consciousness.
If they took a body, they would at the same time take upon them the human nature and all its difficulties.
27 November 1934
My entire nature is changing and will change more and more and reach its perfection. I wish to be a happy transformed being, only so that I may be at Your service.
It is true that you are advancing rapidly towards the goal My love is accompanying you on the way.
28 November 1934
Today S tells me: "I want to work with a winnowing fan also." The day before yesterday she definitely told me: "Only husking and nothing else." When she goes on with her whims, it is rather difficult to go to the others and make changes in the work.
One thing I wish to know: do You want her to husk and do all other work?
What can I say when she agrees to one thing and the next moment she wants another one.
30 November 1934
Mother, my Mother, may the Divine Peace descend upon earth. May the Divine Peace descend into each heart. It is only in Peace that the Divine shall manifest and spread the glory of His Divinity.
My Mother, I ask for Peace, Peace and Peace.
Yes, Peace is the indispensable basis. Our peace, love and blessings are always with you.
I read Sri Aurobindo's notice about You. I read it again and then read it once more.
My Lord, the Mother has no rest; may She have some. Lord, grant that wherever I go and move and work, there may be nothing but peace and happiness.
My dear Mother, this is my humble prayer to the Divine: may You have rest.
Just now, I am resting quite all right. Surely the best way to help is, indeed, to be peaceful and happy. And if peace and happiness were spread in the Ashram much of the work would be saved.
1 December 1934
I am quiet, happy and filled with Your Love, the Love that is a great victorious force.
Yes, love is the great Victor.
2 December 1934
Ah, the moment we remain fully conscious and vigilant, all our difficulties vanish—they cannot stand! It is impossible for them to face the flaming fire of the Divine. Grant me full consciousness, complete vigilance and that flaming fire.
Surely you will have more and more the divine fire of progress and purification burning in your heart.
With our love and blessings
3 December 1934
Happy am I that You are in my heart; Your Love and Light surround me.
Yes, I am always in your heart and the peace, protection and help are constantly surrounding you.
7 December 1934
This evening at 8 p.m. a very strong giddiness came in my head and began to make me unconscious. I sat down for a few minutes and it passed away.
Why do such things happen? I know why: in 1935 we enter the Eternal Consciousness, a consciousness of complete peace, joy, harmony and happiness. In order to obstruct this, such things come.
To be quiet and fearless is the condition in which these adverse forces can do no harm at all.
8 December 1934
Mother of my heart,
Awaken the unawakened parts in me. Make me integrally conscious of Thy Presence, the Presence which will lead me to an integral and perfect union with Thee and make me live as a brilliant portion of Thyself.
Yes, your prayer will be granted.
Always with you, day and night, in the action and in the rest.
10 December 1934
D has taken so many photos and there is now an album. People ask me: "Where are you?" I answer:
"In the heart of the Mother."
I have only one place, and it is Your heart.
Well, you have lost nothing from not being photographed because the photos are far from good!
And surely it is better to be in my heart (where you actually are) than in an album ...
18 December 1934
S has not taken her evening food, for reasons she knows. I do not, but most probably I am the culprit.
I do not think you are the culprit. I must be the culprit because she wanted to embroider a crown for me in gold and I said that I had no gold thread that I could give, which is the plain truth.
All these moods are absurd, and the best thing is not to mind them at all. A perfect equanimity is the strongest power.
19 December 1934
May S have submission and love for the Divine, may she be filled with gratitude, may she progress in the sadhana.
I shall add: may she have a simple humility, because that is what she needs most.
The Divine Grace is infinite. O Mother, grant me a perfect receptivity. 1 give myself to the Divine.
Yes, my dear child, it is with the widening of the consciousness and the one-pointedness of the aspiration that the receptivity increases.
23 December 1934
I don't know how far it is true, but I feel that I am a being who has come down upon earth and taken up the human form only to manifest the Divine Will. I am eternal, unborn and immortal.
Let me tell You, after having this consciousness I feel myself untouched by anything and I find the strength of the lower life completely broken.
Your consciousness is quite true and I am happy you have come to realise this. Keep this consciousness in all humility towards the Divine because such is the condition of an integral realisation.
Our blessings are with you.
May You rest, and the best way of giving You rest is for me to rise above the lower nature and progress in the Divine Light so that I may live only as a spark and ray of the Light.
If each inmate determines to do this and progresses, surely, my dear Mother, You will have more rest and ease.
You are quite right, the only thing that can give me rest is that each one should take the right attitude and progress.
I am much better today.
25 December 1934
Seeing You this evening, this prayer arose in me so fervently: "O Lord, may my Mother get completely cured tonight." Surely had we been devoted to You, a collective prayer and aspiration would have arisen, instead of the sneezing, yawning and coughing. How nicely we receive You! You appear on the steps, and we begin this noise.
My dear Mother, may a collective and concentrated will be created, a will consecrated to the Divine for the manifestation of the Divine Love.
My very dear child, yes it is quite sure; if many could think and feel like you, things would become so much easier and so much time would be saved!
All love to you
27 December 1934
C says the light in his section is too high. A says the light in his washing department is too dim. Others say the light in the dining halls is too dim. They ask me to put in more powerful bulbs.
The bulbs in the dining halls cannot be changed. The two other things have been arranged.
The kitchen has two bulbs. I think one can be put aside and used only when necessary.
It is better not to take away the bulb. It can create some mischief in the electricity.
c. 1934
A takes extra bread and gives it to the gardener and his daughters. He gets slices from the tiffin-carriers of others and this too he gives to them. If he asks for more slices, it is secretly for this purpose. I do not think we can allow such things to develop.
Give him the number of slices he used to take and nothing more. If he asks why, you have only to answer, "Mother's orders."
People are complaining about milk spilling in the tiffin-carriers. When the carriers are opened, we fill them like this: bread comes first and we put it in the bottom pot. Then come the vegetables; we put them in the next pot. Last of all conies the milk and it goes in the top pot. Now when the carriers are sent off on the cart, the milk sometimes drops down by the jerks of the cart and spoils the vegetables and bread. So people have begun to ask for the milk to be served in the bottom pot. This means at least four times the labour and time for the workers.
In my heart I feel that if we give food, why not give it in a better condition? But my mind refuses to yield; it says that those who are so particular should come and take away their carriers themselves.
Mother, please decide for me.
It seems to me that it is only a question of organisation of the work. Why not have all the pots of each tiffin-carrier spread in a row, in the order in which they have to be placed afterwards, like this: 1 2 3 4 (1 is top, 4 is bottom)?
Logically, 1 must contain bread
2) ” ” vegetables
3) ” ” rice
4) ” ” milk or curds
Each thing is served in the corresponding pot as soon as it is ready (that is to say, bread first, vegetables afterwards, etc.) and the tiffin-carriers are remounted only when all is served, which allows the milk to be put at the bottom.
I hope I have been clear in my explanation about how to deal with the tiffin-carriers. Of course two minutes' practical demonstration of how to do it would make it clearer and easier to understand. If something is still obscure, I shall call you and explain how to do it. The only objection you can make to my proposal is the space needed to spread 50 to 60 tiffin-carriers. But perhaps it is quite possible to manage the required space.
The old plantain vendor has vacated the market and a new man has opened a shop now. This morning the old vendor sent the plantains directly to us and he wants to continue this way. But when I went to the market I saw the new merchant. He will bring the rate down to 10 annas per 100 plantains; this includes home-delivery and the selection is ours. The old vendor was charging 12 annas for 100, plus coo-lie charges.
It is better to put them in competition with one another, not only for price (I do not see why we should pay more than 10 annas when we can have them at that price) but also for quality. And for that we must try the new man and see how he behaves with us and what is the quality of his goods.
1 January 1935
D is suffering badly from cough and has a fever, so she has become weak. I think perhaps, it would be better if she does not move out much and takes rest.
The remaining at home brings depression and it is the worst thing for this illness—but she must not do hard work, and remain in the sun and the open air as much as possible.
3 January 1935
Today K cried and cried for one hour in my room, for reasons I do not know.
If only she wrote about it and said the reason—if there is any—of such an upsetting, she would be cured at once.
5 January 1935
J is so disobedient that he breaks the Dining Room discipline at each and every step. He allows M to take home food in the D. R. bowls. She has been given a tiffin-carrier, so there is no reason why the D. R. vessels should go out.
Of course, it is not good for the D. R. vessels to go about like that. But I suppose, in this case, it is a choice between a break of discipline and the shouts, screams and tears of M!...
7 January 1935
Serving food to the inmates after fixed hours: for the late-comers, breakfast goes up to 10.30 a.m., lunch up to 3.30 p.m. and dinner up to 9.30 p.m. There are nearly 40 late-comers. And they go on asking for slices of bread. People take more slices on one day and the next day they return them. What shall we do with the slices afterwards?
Dear Mother, money-lending is also going on in the Ashram! I thought that You alone deal in money.
Yes, people are irregular, fanciful, unscrupulous, undisciplined, disobedient ... but there is only to keep a steady, quiet will and to be patient—all that will come to an end, one day.
I am always with you in your advance towards realisation.
The condition of milk: we are not sure of receiving the required amount of milk in the morning, yet people come forward to take 2 or 3, even 4 cups of milk in the morning. This makes the D. R. workers nervous and anxious about the noon-time distribution of milk. Suppose I get 3 cups of milk for the whole day, and I begin to take 2 cups at one time—it creates a disturbance in the distribution for the D. R.
I understand that it is very difficult for the people who serve and that the inmates are very exacting—but on their side is it not that the servers are anxious more for their own convenience than for that of the others?
My dear Mother, I ask for more patience, more quietness, more peace and for a more perfect equanimity.
Yes—for the growth of equanimity one must learn to see things from many points of view and especially from the point of those who oppose us—not in order to agree with them but to understand better their point of view. Let the peace and a quiet strength always inhabit your heart and your head.
11 January 1935
Make me constantly a sadhak of the Yoga. May I remain a sadhak all the time and not only when I come to You for Pranam.
Indeed this is a very important thing for everybody.
So often I receive things from You. An orange, some butter, a biscuit or a cake are daily gifts.
Yes, I am sending all these things to you with the idea of making your body quite strong.
Our help and protection are always with you.
13 January 1935
We tried to bring S to the Dining Room for his food, but he insisted upon the tiffin-carrier and he got it. A the same. So too G, who has a brother and wants to take food for him as well.
One more candidate for a tiffin-carrier: D who complains that if he goes to the Dining Room he meets M and B, and he does not want to see their faces! ... I have answered nothing to his demand. You will do according to the possibilities.
18 January 1935
On this coming Wednesday, we are thinking of preparing Halwa. Now that it is a routine dish, shall I try it once without cashew nuts and raisins?
Will it not be a little tasteless?
19 January 1935
G's brother has gone to Madras, so G is sending a small girl to Aroumé to fetch the tiffin-carrier for him. His brother was a big man and after going to Gujarat he has become still bigger!
I don't know if the man is too big but surely the girl is too small to do that work.
21 January 1935
A wave of threats—such as going on hunger-strike and not attending the meditations—has entered the men-folk from the ladies!
Many men did it long before the women began.
At 9.15 a.m. I saw D jumping at the compound wall of the Governor's House to pluck some flowers. He plucked or rather robbed a bunch of flowers.
This is extremely serious. You must tell him that A went to prison for a similar thing.
This is how we bring troubles for us and for You! I am much pained by that.
I hope you have told him that it must never be done. If he does not listen to you I shall have to write to him that if he does it once more I shall send him away from the Ashram.
My love for You is too little, too shallow. My self-offering and devotion are too flat and full of turmoil. My consciousness is too clouded, not clear and transparent.
My dear Mother, 1 know this, yet I know also: there is a certitude of Victory and Realisation.
It is all right to see the imperfections and deficiencies but only on condition that it brings a greater courage for a new progress, an increase of energy in the determination, and a stronger certitude of victory and future perfection.
I have deceived myself and You all along; I am filled with imperfections and lower impulses. I boasted of my purity, but now I see that it was all boasting, full of pride and ego.
Dear Mother, make me vividly conscious of all my defects and imperfections. I lose neither courage nor heart nor strength. My strength is You, and in You I rest.
Everything will be all right in time. There is only to keep up a patient aspiration and an unfailing confidence in the Divine Grace and its assured victory.
23 January 1935
Y saw the cupboard to be repaired and told me: "This is quite the old pattern; even if I repair it, it will not be safe. Ask the Mother for a new one."
I told him: "I have no heart to reject the old one."
He said: "It is your economic nature that goes on using the old one. Everybody is giving away the old furniture and is asking for new."
My dear Mother, let us use what we have. This attitude of Y is a very big drain of the Ashram energy.
Yes—it is quite a wrong attitude.
24 January 1935
K told me: "Sometimes when the flow of Light comes down from above, I say: 'Not now, let me finish this work.—
I said: "Never do that. Receive it, welcome it, allow it to come. It is the physical consciousness that wants to have its own old nature."
Surely what you said was right. Moreover with a little practice the light can be fully received and still the work go on. But this condition comes later.
28 January 1935
An Aroumé servant asked for half a day leave for tomorrow morning. I told A I need a replacement, but it seems he does not have sufficient hands and cannot spare a man. If a servant comes to do part of the work, it is all right. Otherwise, we can manage with what we have quite easily.
It is better to insist a little with A—the difficulties come from inadequate organisation and by insisting it obliges them to make an effort and the difficulties get solved.
6 February 1935
Now You know H's absurdity, for she has written to You what she wanted to do today. 1 am happy that she is now free from that.
Sri Aurobindo has just read her letter to me—you did well to console her. These ideas of incapacity are absurd, they are the negation of the truth of progress. What cannot be done today, will be done another day—if the aspiration is there.
H has gone into a state of depression and despondency. To imagine, to invent, to justify and assent to falsehoods as the Reality and Truth—this is a chronic disease with many of us. May this nature of purely vital ignorance and physical stupidity disappear from the Ashram.
Surely it will be a very good thing when all these ignorant depressions are chased away.
7 February 1935
What's the matter in the Dining Room? Why do we take pleasure in coming into conflict with each other? Is there even one day that has passed peacefully until now? Why do we seek for power instead of consecrating ourselves at the feet of the Divine?
Save, save us, O dear Mother.
There is only to be patient—all that will pass one day. Perhaps in the state of their present consciousness they would find life too dull without quarrels.
Since yesterday I have been thinking of taking up the serving and distribution of food.
I do not think it is possible. I do not like that you should be bound by a regular work like that one. The rest would suffer.
My dear Mother, grant me an absolute loving consecration to Thee. Make me Thy humble and docile servant. And wherever I am asked to serve, give me gentleness and peace. Teach me to be Thy docile servant.
Surely you will do more and more perfectly your service to the Divine.
9 February 1935
I am often called a "miser" because of my resistance to outer suggestions. I am a miser! If I become generous and lavish, as the inmates want me to be—which is absolutely impossible—we must put aside not 16 thousand rupees for food but 30 or 40 thousand rupees. How shall we do so?
You are quite right and I do not find you a miser.
If I listened to what the people say, we should have been ruined long ago.
My dear loving Mother, make me more and more true and faithful to Thee. O my dear Love, may the Divine Grace alone manifest.
You have chosen the right path. Do not mind what the others say. In all love and trust
10 February 1935
My dear Mother.
Today I experienced that wherever I turned my eyes, I found You claiming all; I left all, ran to You, Mother, called You, threw myself at Your Feet, and I had all, and You.
This is a very good experience.
My dear Mother, always Thy child, make me Thy child, a true child.
Yes, my true child whom I keep always in my arms.
12 February 1935
Did you ask H how the work will be done if she leaves it? It is not fair to take up such a big responsibility and drop it like that, in a fit of bad temper.
20 February 1935
A display of tremendous energy: the lady workers of Aroumé worked from 5 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. This is not the first time; once they worked from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. at a stretch.
O my dear Mother, let the energy be consecrated to the Divine consciously; let it be a pure self-giving to the Divine.
Yes, with consecration the work can be done much more easily and happily. But nobody must be asked a greater effort than what he can do.
27 February 1935
O my dear Mother,
I am becoming more quiet and peaceful. It is peace and equanimity that have made my work easier and simpler and brought goodwill where there was bad will.
Yes, let the peace and the quietness settle more and more in you and everything will become easy in your work.
9 March 1935
The Aroumé servants are obedient and willing workers, never absent without informing me previously. Even when they are ill, they come and take leave. I think it is the result of my kind and gentle behaviour with them.
Yes, I am sure that servants behave according to the way they are treated.
10 March 1935
The negligence of C and A today reminded me of past cases where I and my fellow workers were treated like butlers and couriers. Happily, it passed away very quickly. We may not be close friends, but surely we have to cooperate fully in the work.
Yes, it is good to turn a difficulty into an occasion for a new progress.
12 March 1935
No doubt bad suggestions of every kind come and present themselves before me; but just as the clouds pass away and the sun remains unaffected, so does my condition.
The only saving factor is this: Your Love has penetrated into all the corners of my being. And it has gone deep down: there is a constant remembrance of You, my dear Mother. It is that which pushes me onward and carries me forward towards the goal.
Yes, my dear child, my love is always with you, around you, in you, and the protection, the help, the blessings never leave you.
14 March 1935
What should my attitude be towards H in her disturbances?
My dear Mother, let there be no attachment in me for others; let there be purely a goodwill and a heart filled with loving consecration to the Divine. If help or consolation comes from me, or rather through me, let it be purely a divine work.
Yes, it is like that that the help becomes true and effective.
To do at each moment the best we can and leave the result to the Divine's decision, is the surest way to peace, happiness, strength, progress and final perfection.
15 March 1935
A complete reliance upon the Divine Grace alone gives peace, happiness and joy. That is because the Divine Himself takes up the devotee and carries him or her in His arms.
Yes, the Grace is infinite for one who sincerely trusts the Grace.
Always with you, my dear child
What about R? What work will he do? He has not spoken to me about anything.
He has not been accepted as a permanent member and that is why no work has been given to him. He is married and has children and he wanted to bring the whole lot here. He has always lived on G's charity. We do not need this kind of people here.
21 March 1935
I heard today that due to somebody's ungratefulness the eyes of Sri Aurobindo have big red marks. My only wish is that the day may never come when You have them.
I also might have been ungrateful to You...
No, you have never been ungrateful and we know you will never be.
With all trust and love always
A full trust and confidence in the Divine Love saves a sadhak from all dangers and difficulties and gives him happiness, peace and joy.
My dear Mother, grant me a force that brings an integral and complete self-giving to the Divine.
Yes, it is a sincere self-giving that saves one from all difficulties and dangers.
28 March 1935
L was getting suggestions that she would become mad. It seems that many people said to her: "Why do you laugh so much?"—even when she was not laughing. I told her: "These are suggestions thrown upon you; you are not like that. On the contrary, it is such a nice thing, this laughter, a sort of great release and liberation."
Yes, she must not fear—it is all stupid suggestions and you spoke quite well.
31 March 1935
I want You to interfere in all my movements, whatever they are; and Your interference will be promptly responded to with love and submission, with an earnest will to change as You would like. I want You, I seek for You day and night, night and day—for Your Light, for Your Consciousness, for Your Force.
O Mother, come into my entire being, my smallest cell, the tiniest drop of my blood. Come, my dear Mother, and make the whole being Your seat.
My dear child, with all my love I take you in my arms as my own child and assure you that you will become more and more mine.
3 April 1935
We have to find somebody for the washing and wiping of vessels. I do not know who it could be.
It seems to me that the only solution is that A should work himself, instead of throwing all the work upon others.
6 April 1935
A big disturbance is hovering over the kitchen. Twice it appeared a few days back, but it was controlled. P has accused me directly of being unfair. I tried to explain to her each time, but the roots have not disappeared.
The best is to ignore all these petty things. To want only what the Divine wants in us and for us is the only important thing.
I thought I had a very pure relation with the inmates, but today I see that it was all humbug. There is a still greater purity to manifest and to live.
When I go deep down and analyse myself, I find the lower vital impulses, the animal impulses of ordinary human life and its instincts. These things have no strength to make me act physically but I understand now that they creep in and govern the lower vital nature in a very subtle polished form.
Yes, these things were to be seen. It is good that you have seen them; but now there is only to be quiet, happy and peaceful in a steady will that all the nature should be enlightened.
Blessed be the day when there will be peace, gentleness, kindness and the manifestation of Love.
My dear Mother, may the Divine manifest.
I would say: may the world become aware that the Divine is manifesting!
8 April 1935
The kitchen has not yet finished its troubles, and now the serving section has begun.
We are not trained to resist all evil, nor disciplined enough to persist after the Truth, nor cultured enough to live a quiet and happy life.
Yes, the suggestion of disturbance and dissatisfaction has become very strong and many respond to it; but we have only to keep quiet, very quiet, more and more quiet as an answer to the growing restlessness and stand calmly until the storms are over.
It is only a perfect Peace that can overcome all these excited fits ...
9 April 1935
G made a big fuss this afternoon. She was crying so loudly in her room that people could hear it on the footpath. I was passing that way, I too heard it and went straight upstairs and called to her: "G, keep quiet! It is enough. Keep quiet!"
She became silent and I went away.
Yes, you did well to interfere. We cannot tolerate these fits of hysteria—they turn the Ashram into some kind of asylum!
11 April 1935
Water supply: Aroumé consumes a good deal of water for drinking, cooking and washing. If it happens again like today that there is no water from the taps for many hours, what shall we do? We shall have to use the well. The water will be fetched from it, boiled, passed through a cloth and used for cooking, drinking and washing vessels.
It is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to use the well water (even boiled) for drinking—the well water of the town is contaminated by infiltrations—this means typhoid and cholera—and for cooking also it is impossible because the well water has a filthy taste and smell.
12 April 1935
S bought some things last month and did not pay for them. Today A gave me the money to pay on her behalf. After that I began to think: so many people are buying things in their own capacity. Do they all pay cash or do they remain as debtors? Can they not be stopped!
I have tried several times but never succeeded and the result was only that they began hiding things from me, which made their case much worse.
13 April 1935
Feeding animals in Aroumé: crows, squirrels, etc. come in a very big number. They not only eat up what is thrown to them by S, but also what is put for drying in the sun. When they eat up raisins and cashew nuts and spoil the sugar and such things, it is too much. I feel we should stop this feeding and lessen the number of animals in Aroumé.
Now that they have taken the habit of coming it may be difficult to stop them, but you may try.
21 April 1935
More peace brings more Light, and that sets everything right. O Lord, more peace.
Yes, it is in peace that the knowledge and the power can manifest.
24 April 1935
May all atoms and cells and parts of my being open to You, receive You, contain You. May You alone be the Sovereign Master. This is all my wish.
Surely it will be fulfilled as I am always with you.
25 April 1935
How is it that I read nothing, learn nothing! Some people learn languages, some learn painting, some learn singing; many read books on yoga and some are typing out Sri Aurobindo's articles in "Arya".
All that is for people who have a restless mind and need some mental occupation.
How is it I do nothing? This becomes a riddle to me at times, and I have no solution except this: it does not matter, let me have my Mother; it is quite sufficient if I have Her.
This is surely the best.
28 April 1935
In advancing towards the realisation there might come difficulties. I pass them over as the Mother's child; I begin the sadhana as a child of the Mother, I advance like that and even in fulfilment I remain Thy child, my dear Mother, a child of eternity.
Yes, you will always be my dear child and thus you will reach the realisation.
29 April 1935
Tomorrow I am finishing the medicine for boils. May this be the last medicine for me. O body consciousness, open yourself to the dear Mother and get yourself filled with Her Love.
Yes, there comes a time when medicines are no more needed, but that means that the body consciousness is quite opened to the force from above and that a strong unwavering will is established in the material.
With all love and blessings to you, my dear child
30 April 1935
I have seen this: the Ashram has no hostile forces; it is filled with the Mother. It is only when we open to these hostile forces, calling them in, that they come and disturb us. If we remained calm, quiet and open to the Divine alone, the life of the Ashram would undergo a very rapid transformation and there would be peace, joy and happiness.
This is quite true. The peace and the happiness are always there.
With you always.
Peace and an unshakeable equanimity are the firm basis for happiness, joy and progress towards the Goal. May it increase in me, in all of us in the Ashram.
Our love and blessings are always with you, establishing equanimity as an indispensable basis for the Realisation.
2 May 1935
My heart is filled with gratitude that You brought me here. You fished me out of the lower nature and kept me in the bosom of Your eternal love.
O my dear Mother, teach me to love Thee, to surrender to Thee; teach me to be Thine, more truly Thine.
Yes, I am keeping you in my arms and surrounding you with my love which united to your aspiration will take you to the goal.
6 May 1935
In Aroumé there are a good number of people having moods; none can say when these moods will come—they come without any reason.
Moods are all over the Ashram—they come from the obscurity and bad will of the physical mind. When the physical mind will consent to open to the light all these moods will disappear.
11 May 1935
Too frequently I meet people in their difficulties and bad conditions. In this state I go deep down within myself, and my being rises in a great and fervent prayer to You:
O my dear Mother, make me more and more selfless, completely selfless, filled only with Your Purity, Peace, Consciousness, Love and Light.
I am always with you and you will never call me in vain—our peace, love, help and protection will always answer to your call.
13 May 1935
There is misuse of filtered water in Aroumé; people are taking too much water in their tumblers and then throwing it away. No external rule can alter the situation; there has to be a change of consciousness and a complete consecration to the Divine.
Surely you are quite right—but we have to provide until the change of consciousness takes place!
Herewith a notice that can be put in Aroumé and also here near the filter.
14 May 1935
When anything happens to the body, it loses courage at once and becomes weak, helpless and full of fear. In one word, there is no peace and equanimity in the body consciousness. Not only the body but the entire consciousness gets clouded and veiled; there is no remembrance of the Divine in the physical consciousness and it is this that catches the illness and prolongs it.
Yes, this is quite rightly observed—but to have become conscious of it is a big step towards a successful transformation of the body consciousness and the victory over illness.
15 May 1935
Unless the body consciousness opens and receives the Divine Light, Peace and Consciousness, nothing of permanence is achieved. The body is the base, and upon that base the Divine has to work and construct a building. However much the vital and the mental are open and receptive, nothing can be said to be permanent if the body is not stable.
I am glad that you had the experience of the necessity for the body to open and to receive the divine Light and Will, as the mind and the heart does. This will do much for the increase of the resistance to illness and the capacity of keeping good health.
I am always with you.
I am always given to Thee and to Thy Work. Make me more quiet, make me rest in full peace amidst these hundredfold activities. I have to learn this more and more, and You have to teach me. Teach me, my dear Mother, to be more and more Thine.
Yes, I am always with you, teaching you the true action and the true consecration.
19 May 1935
The most important thing for me to do is to remain quietly happy, consecrated and concentrated on You, and to do what has to be done very sincerely and devotionally, not worrying about the future, but quietly aspiring very humbly before You.
Yes, this is the right attitude and the most sure way.
Always with you in an affectionate trust
27 May 1935
What did I see this evening when You were looking at me from Your window? I saw that my chest was as transparent as glass and that You were seeing Your own image there.
My dear Mother is always in my heart for eternity. My Mother, my Mother, my Mother.
This is a very beautiful and true experience. I am happy you had it. Yes, I am always in your heart—for ever with you.
28 May 1935
I fail to understand why there is so much antipathy against me in the Aroumé workers.
I do not think it is so bad as all that.
Three days back, as soon as I entered Aroumé gate from the market, a force ran through my neck, saying: "It would have been better if you had died."
Do not listen to all this rubbish. It does not come from the Aroumé workers, but from some hostile force that wants to upset you.
Yesterday when I was taking my lunch, a force wanted to send me away from Aroumé: "Go away, go away, you are not wanted here."
Same explanation as above.
And now M tells me: "I shall not be able to cooperate with you in this way, nor shall I be able to work with you." I do not even know what "way" he means.
My dear Mother, all is left to you. I rest happily and go to bed.
Yes, be quiet and do not worry about all that.
It is the same forces which want to make you believe that your co-workers hate you and make the others believe that you hate them. The mistake is to believe these forces—one ought always to answer them: No, it is not true, it cannot be.
30 May 1935
I thought that as I have grown bulky, I might not be able to work physically. But I find that I can work with a sustained energy, quietly and with a balanced mind. And I think You are quite happy to see me working.
Yes, I am very glad to see you working physically and am sure it will do you much good. I am glad also that your body is getting a little less thin. It was truly necessary to fill the holes!
Today I heard A and P quarreling. Afterwards, P told someone: "Prison life is easier than to work with A."
Would it not be better if you spoke to P? If he is not satisfied, it is better for him to tell it frankly rather than to complain hidingly.
1 June 1935
I have spoken to P very clearly: "Give dumb service; utter not a word even if there are whips on your back."
If you mean that there must be no quarrels it is quite all right. But he must feel free to tell me what he has in his heart.
"Work can never be done if there is no discipline! The Mother knows very well the person in charge of the work, and those who work with him have to follow his instructions." And he has agreed to that kind of work.
Let us see, my dear Mother. I wish that dumb service should be given to You by all of us.
I wanted you to tell him also that if he has any complaint to make or if he is not satisfied with his work, it is to me that he must freely say so.
My love, blessings and trust are always with you, my dear child.
2 June 1935
I, who was so social and friendly to all, am becoming more reserved day by day and relate to others only for the work or for business. Often the suggestion has passed in me that even with those I am somewhat free with, I should relate just for the work.
This is not necessary nor even advisable. You must feel free to speak to them and help them when they need it. Go on with them as you do—it is all right.
Grant me the strength, my dear Mother, to remain quite faithful to the Divine Will.
Yes, the strength is always with you to be always faithful to the Divine Will.
There is not a single worker in Aroumé who has not shown his or her bright side of love, devotion and service to the Divine. That is the light which shines in each of us; that I adore and through it I always feel in harmony with the inmates. That is what I put in front with my dealings with them.
Good.
Difficulties each of us have, some more, some less, but it is foolish to have contempt for someone having troubles. On the contrary, a sympathetic heart must go out to them in all goodwill and kindness, to help them out of their difficulties.
What you say is quite right and with this attitude there is no doubt that, sooner or later, the difficulties will vanish.
All love and blessings to you my dear child
4 June 1935
The work in our courtyard garden: as you saw, I can do good work as a coolie also, and though completely soiled with earth all over, I can remain Your child.
I was very pleased to see you enjoying your work. I hope you will rest very well this night and your body will get stronger and stronger.
I feel that it would be good for us inmates to do some sort of manual work—but the wish must come from within our hearts.
Yes, it is when it comes spontaneously from the goodwill of the heart that it is helpful in all ways.
I am quietly happy, with a greater confidence that the Divine Will is always victorious. The increased confidence gives me more strength, quietness, peace, patience and a force that serves the Divine Will.
Yes, with the growing confidence comes the growing force and the growing capacity to receive it.
6 June 1935
My dear, dear Mother,
I am happy with an increasing daily experience: My Mother is in my heart. She who supports me, guides me, loves me, She is the soul of this body and much more than that.
My dear Mother, I love You with all my heart.
Yes, you are truly in my arms, arms of love that always keep you close, very close to me.
At work two parties have formed—the quarrels go on daily and the smallest thing becomes a mountain. Both parties are quite dissatisfied with me because I do not take sides, I hear nobody and I put forth my case of peace and quietness.
What you are doing is quite all right. The most important thing is to keep an unshakeable quietude and peace. One day or another it will act upon them.
Desires, desires, have they no end? Yes, they have, the moment we turn towards the Divine and quietly aspire for Him, giving ourselves completely and sincerely to Him.
Yes, you are right. Keep a constant faith in the Divine's final Victory.
7 June 1935
Where You are, I am. And I have no place to go except into Your loving and affectionate consciousness.
Yes, my dear child, your home is here and I am always with you.
Beloved of my heart, soul of my body, whatever I am, good or bad, whatever I have or am going to have—all is Yours, Yours alone.
Given to You completely, my dear Mother.
Yes, you have given yourself and I have accepted your gift with trust and love, and I am always with you, my dear child.
10 June 1935
Mother, my dear Mother,
Grant me a complete faithfulness to You and Your work. Never let me accept the idea or suggestion: "Mother, I want to go; let me go."
Surely such a monstrous idea must never cross your mind—it is unthinkable for my love.
11 June 1935
You are my dear Mother; dearest of all, loveliest of all, You are my eternal Mother. It is the Divine's Will that I, a human being, shall turn into an eternal child of Your eternal Love. May it soon be fulfilled.
Yes, you are my true child, and I trust you fully. There is no possible doubt about reaching the goal—the Victory is certain.
There are many difficulties at work, but it does not come into my heart to send any worker away from Aroumé. I am satisfied with them, one and all; and I am confident that in spite of all these quarrels we are arriving at a consciousness where there is unshakeable peace and happiness and harmony.
Surely this must be hoped and willed and worked out.
My dear Mother, my prayer to you: may the day come soon.
Yes, may it come soon. All love and blessings to you, my dear child
14 June 1935
Things are becoming difficult to manage in Aroumé. The worker:: want to do things according to their wish and a sort of negligence has come into the work; there is idleness, laziness, indolence, unwillingness etc. Sincerity is getting clouded everywhere.
Today a thought runs on and on in me: O Mother, tell me, how much am I responsible for this condition in Aroumé and the quarrels between the workers?
I do not see in what way you are responsible for that.
So often in recent days I was going to get entangled in the network of bad disturbances, but as yet I have resisted it firmly. Now I ask for Your help, a help that completely removes all the disturbing elements from the co-workers, so that they may turn towards You.
Those who are sincere I can help and turn them easily towards the Divine.
But where there is insincerity I can do very little. And as
I told you already, we have only to be patient and wait for the things to become better. But surely I do not see why you should get disturbed and in what way your disturbance would help things to be better. You know by experience that there is only one way of getting out of confusion and obscurity; it is to remain very quiet and peaceful, firm in the equanimity and to let the storm pass away. Rise above these petty quarrels and difficulties and wake up once more in the light and the power of my love which never leaves you.
15 June 1935
In all clouds, all difficulties, all obstacles faith in the Divine is the only guide, strength and protection. It is faith in the Divine and love that save a sadhak and carry him beyond the dangers to a life of immortal bliss.
Fortify my faith, O my dear Mother.
Yes, never let anything cloud your faith in my love for you and in my constant presence and help. And rise high enough above these difficulties which try to seem big, so that you may see them as they really are, that is to say, very small and insignificant.
Once more I am out of the clouds of confusion and obscurity. A firm quietude and equanimity and a reliance upon the Divine has dispersed them. The Divine is my strength and force, and I live for the Divine alone.
Yes, my child, it is quite true that the Divine is the sole refuge. With Him is absolute safety.
16 June 1935
I have received a letter from H. I think that you also must have received one of the kind.
Yes, even two. I find this little girl truly selfish and heartless to behave like that just on the eve of your birthday.
O my dear Mother, this is nothing but an attack directly upon the Ashram kitchen on the eve of my birthday. The kitchen ought to have rejoiced, but alas, now it is gloomy and dark. We laboured for years—and what a letter I receive!
O dear Mother, may she be shown the right path and the right attitude.
We are trying our best—but ...
My dear Mother, as the Divine wills.
Let this day be for you the day of complete liberation from all that is not the Divine, let it be the day of your absolute, integral consecration to the Divine.
Our love, blessings and help are always with you and today they will be with you in a special way.
18 June 1935
May the entire Ashram rise above, high above the ordinary human nature, may it consecrate itself to the Divine Will and live for the Divine alone. The Divine is the Supreme Reality for the Ashram.
So may it be!
Always with you to give you strength and peace, light and love and to build in you an unshakeable equanimity.
This year is a year for a very deep and high progress for the Ashram. All those who are open to the Divine will move forward towards the goal.
And I humbly and quietly aspire to be in perfect union with the Divine Will.
My dear Mother, my heart is flowing with goodwill, good heart, sympathy and a constant prayer for Peace.
Yes, my dear child, your aspiration and your prayer will be fulfilled. Surely this year the Ashram will make a big step towards Peace and Harmony—and your union with the Divine Will will become more and more perfect.
19 June 1935
Make me an instrument of Truth! In Light and Truth and Consciousness alone can one hope to be a true and faithful instrument. Remove unconsciousness, enlighten the hidden parts of my being, bring them to the Light. Let my whole being be directly under the influence of the Light.
I am always with you, my dear child, surrounding you with light and consciousness.
21 June 1935
Grant me a sincerity which discerns the truth and upholds it, which discerns the falsehood and throws it out. It is simple sincerity that will purify my love for You, strengthen it, make it wide, vast and deep, and bring my being into a complete union with the Divine Consciousness—You. Increase the simple sincerity in me, around me, in the Ashram. This is my prayer to You.
It is, indeed, a very good prayer, deserving to be fulfilled.
23 June 1935
We tried our best to get good wheat suitable for our bread, but we could not find it. If we can add fine flour, which comes from America, would it not improve the bread? The market prepares the bread from that flour alone.
No, it will not do. J has sent two samples of bread, speaking of them as if they were raw and bad for serving—but I find them both quite good and not at all to be rejected. It is to be seen that now the servers do not go to another extreme and waste the bread!
25 June 1935
The sword of Damocles hangs over our kitchen. We shall have to remain alert, watchful, full of force, quiet and patient. My dear Mother, I am full of confidence in the divine Victory.
Yes, as you say, one must keep up the entire confidence in the Victory of the Divine—and this general Victory will include in itself the personal victory of all those who will have kept faithful and confident.
29 June 1935
There is an adverse force in the Ashram that goes from inmate to inmate and it wants only to destroy. When inmates leave the Ashram, it does not go; it only becomes more violent. If the inmates remain faithful and sincere, it is bound to go in one second.
I ask for the wrath of Mahakali, the intensest love of that warrior Mother, to chase away this obstinate force and free the Ashram from our everyday trouble.
The wrath of Mahakali manifests from time to time and acts all right, but the effect of it does not last because those who answer to the adverse force do not truly want to be cured. They are not sincere.
We have only to remain quiet and confident, unshakeable in our faith and trust in the Divine's Grace.
1 July 1935
I worked hard today in our courtyard garden and had a new vision: as humans are beings, so also plants are beings, and they too respond in proportion to one's love and affection for them. And if a sadhak with insight develops this, it will be a great help in the evolution of Nature.
Yes, plants have a consciousness of their own; they are very receptive and respond quite well to the force.
Always with you my dear child
2 July 1935
If there were even a little sense of gratitude in the hearts of the inmates, no one would dare to tell You: "I am leaving." May the Ashram inmates learn to be grateful and how down in gratitude to the Divine.
Yes, my dear child, you are quite right—but gratitude is a virtue of the psychic and very few people live in their psychic consciousness.
5 July 1935
The physical work done in our courtyard these last few weeks has given me a very nice training. But I saw people looking at us with contempt when we were soiled and working; it has given me a better understanding of where they stand. I wish we would realise that physical work is in no way inferior to meditation. In fact if we think of the manifestation, work will surely be an important factor for the new creation.
There is no doubt about that.
I am always very happy to see you work physically. A good material work not exceeding normal capacities, is most useful for keeping a good physical and moral poise.
13 July 1935
I had a disturbance, but it has passed away and I find that a greater consciousness has taken its place. It is the consciousness of peace in the vital, and it comes from You.
Yes, I had seen that you were not in your normal condition, but as you had said nothing, I could not speak. I hope that it is quite gone now and that you have recovered your true balance and equanimity.
I fully understand H's difficulties in the work, but I find no solution except that both the persons involved must rise above the ordinary nature and open themselves to the Force of the Divine. Her proposal to be relieved from the kitchen work cannot be accepted. I wish that the clouds may pass away.
Of course H cannot leave the kitchen. What you say is quite right; it is only by rising above the lower nature that all these petty things can be mended.
My beloved Mother, Peace in Aroumé, Peace in the hearts of all in the Ashram. For a beginning, I promise You that on no day will You find me not in my normal balance and poise of equanimity. Given to Your Love and Peace.
Yes, I feel sure you will always keep a good balance and poise, and equanimity will grow in you more and more.
My love, blessings and peace are always with you.
14 July 1935
I did not go for marketing today, but I had a long sitting with You during the Pranam after many months. There I realised more clearly that in truth we all belong to You and our true nature is one of Your peace, love, harmony and joy. I know for certain that one day we shall rise above the nature of quarrels, envy, hatred, jealousy, arrogance and pride.
Your experience is true, the essential nature is peace, harmony and love. I hope all will realise it one day.
This too is a training for me: to see how far I stand detached from circumstances, untouched by the jealousy around me and true to the Divine.
Yes, the only thing you have to do is to remain quiet, undisturbed, solely turned towards the Divine; the rest is in His hands.
17 July 1935
As long as the being does not depend upon the Divine alone, there can never be peace, joy and happiness.
Yes, this is true; it is only in union with the Divine and in the Divine that harmony and peace can be established.
20 July 1935
Beloved of my heart, always Your Love has protected me. Today I had the worst kind of attack and again Your Love saved me and gave me a new push towards the realisation of integral peace and equanimity.
Yes, I know from early morning that you were disturbed and my love did not leave you for a minute all day.
I am glad, very glad that you have recovered your normal condition.
21 July 1935
Now I have a friend and co-worker—it is You, my dear Mother. Even if the whole world goes against me, yet I know I have a friend in You. A friend, a guide, a Mother, all in one, and our union shall increase day by day.
Yes, this is quite true and I am glad that you have come to understand it fully.
G has informed me that she is again getting bad ideas; but she is not weak and has taken her food regularly. She is quite strong and keeping quiet.
It is all right, but if S and the others made less fuss about these "bad ideas" they would get them less often!
22 July 1935
Here is a desperate letter from G addressed to me and also partly to You. It is nothing but the usual accusations against Your love and the absurd notion of falling into the sea and killing herself. I have answered her letter at some length.
My dear Mother, nothing will happen, rest assured! I shall remain quite alert, and I hope it will soon be over.
Your letter is quite good and nothing more need be said.
Let quietness and calm be with you, not only in the depths but also in the surface consciousness, as I am indeed always with you.
30 July 1935
Let me tell You very frankly where I am most attached. I am attached to You more than to anybody or to anything.
Let the parts in me which are not attached to You—the parts which have gone astray—return to You; it is only then that they will have true peace.
Yes, this is true.
My dear Mother, completely left to You.
Yes, I know that you belong to me and that is why I am sure to take you to the goal.
31 July 1935
[Several problems in the Dining Room described]
For all the problems I have mentioned, teach me to surrender more and more perfectly to the Divine Will; an integral surrender to the Divine Will alone can bring peace, joy, happiness, force and vastness.
Take it all, my dear child, as a test for your equanimity and advance with courage and confidence.
2 August 1935
My very dear Mother,
Today I had a very true experience: While returning from the market this morning, the thought passed in me: "P is a big man in the outside world" and I felt a kind of dissatisfaction somewhere in the vital. Then You appeared before me and showed me: "Look here, here you are." You carried me on Your arm close to Your heart.
Yes, it is surely better than to be a "great man" for the outside world!
11 August 1935
Sir H saw Aroumé and looked quite pleased and satisfied; he also took away 3 loaves of bread. He shall have to pay a heavy price for that, and I shall not be satisfied if it is less than 3 lacs rupees. If he can give a loan of 99 lacs to the government, surely he can also give to You a good and decent sum.
He went away without giving a single rupee! and I believe he does not intend to give anything—only sweet words, that is all.
My dear Mother, it looks to me as if the disturbance in me has gone. Once more I have regained my normal balance of peace and happiness. I was feeling that my disturbance will pain You much more than any loss of money, and that brought me to my senses very soon.
This is good. Indeed the loss of money is of small importance, but the loss of equipoise is a much more important thing.
20 August 1935
Let me tell You that whoever opens himself to the Divine Love feels You very very concretely as the Mother. There comes a humility, a gentleness and a complete surrender and consecration to You.
I am always with you, keeping you in my arms.
Let nothing, no circumstance, no person, disturb you.
26 August 1935
B tells me: "When I take haricots, I get stomach pains; so all along I have taken only the water and thrown away the haricots." Dear Mother, if You like, they can be prepared a little more watery.
Better keep them a little more watery. I think we shall have to give up haricots when this provision is over, as there are too many people who imagine that they cannot digest them.
My dear Mother, sleep is coming to me more now—it is due to the exhaustion of the nervous system after the Darshan rush.
Yes, sleep well and as much as you can, it is very necessary.
28 August 1935
May my sincerity increase and pervade my entire being. That will bring a greater consecration and surrender to the Divine, leading to an integral union.
Yes, my dear child, sincerity is the key of the divine doors.
31 August 1935
May the wideness and depth of Thy seat increase in my heart; may it be Thine, Thine integrally.
Yes, I am always seated in your heart, consciously living in you.
1 September 1935
The Ashram had a dish from M on Monday, an extra dish on Wednesday, soup on Thursday and a fine dish of cabbage on Friday. My beloved Mother, for all this may a sense of gratitude arise in us—this is my prayer.
It seems that this night, between 9:30 and 10 o'clock, some people were speaking against C's bathroom door while she was inside unnoticed. One person was saying something to this effect: how is it possible to work with such bad food? And another one answered: you ought to write to the Mother.
4 September 1935
Yoga in the cave is easy, but Yoga in life is altogether a different thing. There must be sincerity to the core and absolute self-giving to the goal.
I do not believe that sadhana in the cave is easy—only there the insincerity remains hidden, while in life and action it is revealed. You can look like a Yogi in a cave but in life the humbugging is more difficult, because you have to behave like a Yogi.
6 September 1935
May the day draw nearer when all the reports of disturbances stop and You are informed only of galloping progress and flights of the being towards the Divine. Blessed will be that day.
It is in a great peace that I am waiting for that day, the peace of the certitude of Victory. You must enter that peace, my dear child, and let nothing affect you. It is only when we are not affected that we can always do the right thing at the right time and in the right way.
Love and blessings to you, my dear child
H is sending a letter to You tonight. My reading on the subject: there is selfishness and a very cruel vital, quite intolerant, arrogant and proud. It wants to control and subjugate others.
Yes, all that is true, but it is only part of herself, and the other part is quite courageous, sweet and steady.
Let us hope she will soon recover her true being.
7 September 1935
The D. R. workers often have second or third works at different places. They have their main job, and in their free hours they do other things. It should not be otherwise, but it would be better to have a few full-time workers rather than many part-time workers.
People can't do all day the same work; it is most taxing on the nerves and after some time they get tired, depressed, discouraged, speak of suicide, etc., etc.
Even in ordinary life it has been recognised that for the sake of the work itself, a complete change of occupation for a few hours every day is most useful.
13 September 1935
We have been preparing bread for 3 years or more according to this proportion: 1 kg of wheat for 3 loaves (25 kg for 75 loaves). Since last August we have been using 35 kg for 75 loaves—the difference is 10 kg per day. This difference has always pained me.
As the bread has not risen well recently, the consumption of loaves in the D. R. has increased. It is not that the stomachs of the eaters are asking for more food, it is insincerity and a lack of discrimination on the part of the people eating the food.
The loaves are surely much bigger than those we used to have before (I am seeing them every day). But I have no objection to that. After all, apart from the milk, the bread is the most substantial food we are giving, and I do not think it would be fair to reduce it. I think the chief reason why people are eating more bread is because the bread is much nicer than it used to be.
I must say that before we took up cattle, we never separated the bran from the wheat—it went into the bread.
It makes the bread a little too heavy to digest. I have said to give this small amount of bran (only 4%) to the milkmen.
My dear Mother, grant a simple sincerity in the entire being, a sincerity which keeps the full light and consciousness and accepts only the Truth.
The greatest enemies of a perfect sincerity are preferences (either mental, vital or physical) and preconceived ideas. It is these obstacles that must be overcome.
I am always with you to lead you to victory.
15 September 1935
To me it appears that all troubles start from unconsciousness. Desire is the first-born child of this unconsciousness and it can manifest in any form, mental, vital or physical.
What you say here is quite true.
Peace is the base of all Sadhana, and it must pervade all the being.
This also is true.
My love and blessings are always with you in the certitude that you will overcome all difficulties and reach a full and luminous consciousness in a perfect union with the Divine.
It is a fact that I have a dear Mother always with me and in me and around me, leading me to the Eternal Consciousness.
Yes, it is indeed a fact—I am always with you, my dear child.
16 September 1935
A faith and confidence enlightened by Your love and light has grown since I was quite a small boy and it is still growing more and more.
It is good to have this unshakeable faith—it makes your path easier and shorter.
All love and blessings to you, my dear child.
Can the rice bran go to the milkmen, as the reheat bran does?
Yes, all right.
And the very small bits of rice also? In the Ashram we have no use for them.
Can't the very small bits of rice go to the birds that are in the cage. I suppose they would like them.
17 September 1935
I do not understand what was wrong with the previous arrangement of providing wheat flour for the bread. I would get news of the amount of bread consumed at night and would inform the bakery the same night. Now J wants the information in the morning, whereupon he will ask M for the amount of flour required, tell me how much is needed, and then I shall send the wheat. I have agreed to this new arrangement, though I know that it will trouble j, the mill, the granary, Aroumé and me.
I cannot understand in what way it will trouble? Once the thing is properly arranged it can work quite smoothly. In fact it is I who have suggested this arrangement and I never thought it could create trouble.
But if you have a simpler way to arrange things let me know it.
My dear Mother, peace, more peace for me and the Ashram. This is my only prayer to You.
Yes, truly it is badly needed. Without peace the simplest thing makes at once a big fuss.
My dear child, let the Peace be manifested in you more and more constantly and integrally.
My help and presence are always with you for that.
19 September 1935
ask for "justice" from You. Here is my appeal! 0 Lord, the human mind is too ignorant, too obstinate and obscure. May the Divine Grace be granted to it in order to set all things right.
Yes, it is the Divine Grace that must be prayed for. If justice were to manifest, very few would be those who could stand in front of it! My love and blessings are always with you.
May the flame of aspiration he steady and one-pointed, may it rise up and up to the Divine and rest only there. May the aspirant see, hear, speak, feel nothing except: 0 my Divine Lord, 0 my Divine Mother, may Your Will be fulfilled.
Yes, it would be a fine achievement.
Always with you, supporting you in your efforts, my dear child
20 September 1935
May the personal ego vanish and the Divine Will pervade everywhere.
Yes, my dear child, you will always find me with you, in you, for this great achievement.
21 September 1935
H has had one of her usual disturbances. She wants me to tell You on her behalf: "I have given up hope, I have nothing in my fate except destruction."
Yes, unhappily there is a vital love in her for you—it is that that has disturbed her balance, aroused in her this violent jealousy and brought upon her, as a consequence, all these fits of depression. But now no drastic or cutting way can lead out of the difficulty. It is by a growth of the consciousness that this entanglement can he solved.
My dear Mother, may my vital consecrate itself more and more to the Divine, open itself and be a perfect instrument of the Divine Force.
Yes, a complete, absolute consecration of the vital to the Divine is the only solution.
Always with you, my dear child, in your effort of progress
One of the greatest accusations against me is that I side with H and am partial towards her. There is a liking for her, but she has earned it; she has worked hard, done what I told her and taken up many responsibilities. If I had not been with her, she would have found it all too difficult.
Because of the accusations she is breaking with
me now and then, not coming to see me. Yet the closeness and intimacy are increasing. If required, I will stop speaking with her in a friendly manner and cut off all connection with her.
No drastic measure of that kind would be of any use. On the contrary it would make things worse. There is much to say on the subject and there are several points of view. It cannot be solved in such a simple and cutting way. But it is impossible for me to explain all that here. And I am waiting also for the consciousness in each one of you and in all to become more clear and complete. Meanwhile there is only to be very patient.
My dear Mother, I am quietly happy, with only one wish: may I open to the Divine Light more and more.
Yes, my child, my love and blessings are always with you to give you the consciousness and the light.
22 September 1935
As far as I understand, H knows fully well that she has a vital attachment for me and that it brings troubles to her. Several times she has spoken to me about it, saying: "If I turn towards the Mother and if our relation becomes pure, all my difficulties will come to an end."
I feel that she is conscious of the defect, but at the same time too weak, lacking a firm will and confidence.
There is only to be patient. It will become all right with time—when the vital will be convinced that there is no hope for its desires.
My dear Mother, may the fire burn more and more, may it rise in a steady flame and meet the mother-fire. All the rest will be done in due time. The flame that meets the mother-fire will bring down the mother-fire and that alone is capable of creating a new life. I shall have to wait quietly for that fire to descend.
Yes, keep the fire burning steadily and wait quietly for the sure result.
23 September 1935
At this moment a question comes to me: how is it that my head at once gives a money value to everything? Only if the money allows it, do I think of proceeding further!
It is all right. We must avoid as far as possible all wastage. Always with you, my dear child
24 September 1935
Give me a very, very quiet head, for it is into a quiet head that the true knowledge and consciousness will descend. Then there will be a true action and a worthy expression of Your true instrument. Beloved Mother, a very, very quiet head.
Yes—it is true, a very, very quiet head is indispensable for a clear understanding and vision and a right action.
My consciousness is always with you to give you a quiet head.
25 September 1935
Today I saw that my body is strong and that it can work; it is good that it does not remain slothful.
My dear Mother, may peace and quietness increase in my physical.
My dear child, I am always with you, and together we will fight the battle and win the victory.
Do not worry about the reactions of people, however unpleasant they may be—the vital is everywhere and in everybody full of impurities and the physical full of unconsciousness. These two imperfections have to be cured, however long it may take, and we have only to work at it patiently and courageously.
Always near you, supporting and guiding you
27 September 1935
Jealousy prevails in Aroumé. Here I give You a letter from G and one from H. I have answered them both.
Jealousy comes from a narrowness of the mind and a weakness of the heart. It is a great pity that so many are attacked by it. Your answers are all right.
My dear Mother, what a fine instrument the dark forces have found! Jealousy spoils the entire life, the entire sadhana and brings troubles of every kind. Dear Mother, may it get rooted out.
The only answer is a quiet and luminous patience in the manifestation of the truth and in the consecration to the Divine.
28 September 1935
Whatever the circumstances may be, my heart shall always remain turned towards You in all love and consecration and confidence.
Well, surely when unfaithfulness prevails all around it is the time to be truly faithful and to stand untouched and unmoved in the storm.
29 September 1935
Money can always come to the Ashram in showers, provided that the sadhaks are devoted and consecrated, faithful and sincere. If a sadhak says today: "Mother, I want to leave", and tomorrow: "Mother I want this and that", I feel that money cannot pour in. The Ashram has to turn more and more inward in pursuit of the Divine if it wants to manifest the Divine in all its richness.
What you say is perfectly true, but there is also the divine Patience which waits for the obscurity to vanish.
In humbleness, my dear Mother, I am at Your feet, at Your disposal, always for You, an eternal gift.
Yes, my dear child, I know that you are mine, and it is with full trust that I take you with me on the way.
30 September 1935
Wheat drying finishes on Saturday. The coolies are showing fatigue from carrying the bags of wheat up and down. But there are only two more days of this work.
You must be careful not to overburden them. If they get sick I shall have to bear the consequences.
2 October 1935
Ah, where is the stability! And the work! Where is the work? It is not even half the work that we used to do in this compound.
Equanimity—equanimity. It is the only practical answer to all this confusion which is bound to come to an end one day.
My dear Mother, pride challenges the Divine Grace whereas humble consecration and self-giving call the Divine Grace; then it becomes effective and protects. By becoming humble and giving myself to the Divine I lose nothing. May the shallow "I" become a portion of the Divinity.
Yes, humility and sincerity are the best safeguards. Without them each step is a danger, with them the victory is certain.
My dear child, humility and sincerity will take you to the goal.
3 October 1935
It is my earnest wish to have good relations with one and all. Hardly a day has passed in which I have not cried within myself about my disharmonious relation with M. I never meant it to turn out like this.
Do not worry or be impatient. All the disharmonies will disappear, but it must be on the true basis of a settled luminous consciousness leaving no room to the play of the ego.
My love and blessings are always with you
5 October 1935
I shall not be in a hurry for harmony, but it is not pleasant to remain in conflict, inner or outer, with someone; it brings so many difficulties into the work.
Surely we must always want the peace and the harmony and work for it as much as we can—but for that the best field of action is always inside ourselves.
Love and blessings to my dear child
6 October 1935
Let the play of the ego disappear completely. In my case, I know very well that there is pride, arrogance, likes and dislikes. There is also a part of me that wants to be big and great—it is ambition.
My dear Mother, may I become a humble doer of Thy Work.
Yes, my dear child, in truth, sincere humility is our safeguard—it is the surest way to the indispensable dissolution of the ego. Always with you on the way
The other day when I wrote to You about saving expenses if there is war in Europe, I meant this:
Milk: one cup instead of three. Not three plantains but one. No washerman at all—we can wash our own clothes. No servants. No pocket money—people may not go to the theatre or cinema or buy all sorts of things for pleasure.
Surely if France or England entered the war we would be obliged to do that. For the moment it is not yet necessary.
9 October 1935
Confidence in the Guru is the key to Victory. Lack of confidence brings complete failure. Confidence, confidence, may an utter confidence in the Divine increase in the Ashram.
Yes, it is so absurd to ask for help and yet to have no trust! On the contrary with confidence everything becomes so easy. Always with you, my dear child
12 October 1935
I am quietly happy, yet the fire in me is becoming more and more intense every day. May a deep quietness and Peace remain behind the intensity of the fire.
Yes, the true Agni always burns in deep Peace; it is the fire of an all-conquering will. Let it grow in you, in deep equanimity.
13 October 1935
May the Divine Patience grow in me. True patience can grow only in the true knowledge and consciousness and in full confidence in the Divine.
If the mind remains more quiet in front of circumstances and happenings, the patience will be more easily increased.
15 October 1935
May peace and confidence come into the exterior being, may the mind be filled with quietness and trust in You, in Your words and actions.
It is only love that can understand and get at the secrets of the Divine Working. The mind, the physical mind especially, is incapable of seeing correctly and yet it always wants to judge. It is only a true sincere humility in the mind allowing the psychic to rule the being, that can save human beings from ignorance and obscurity.
16 October 1935
In these monsoon rains and winds, the cart goes for food distribution thrice a day. The servants give more service than their due time (9 hours), get drenched three times a day and yet not a murmur from them. I feel a happy relation with them.
Yes, it is very good, The servants may be given a tip after the rain is over. You might give it to them yourself as an encouragement.
Recently K is getting very troubled by what people say about her. Often the idea enters her head: "I am bad, I am unfit", etc.
Yes, I will tell her not to mind what people say. In fact I do not know why she is attaching so much importance to all that—so long as we are pleased with her, it ought to be sufficient.
18 October 1935
I am sorry to inform You that S is reading some letters of K and H to You. S told the contents of them to G, and G told me.
I am not at all sure of G's reports, as I told you already many times. Nothing can be decided or judged on what she says, as her statements are not reliable.
It is better to drop all these accusations made by G or others and not to attach much importance to all these rumours which are, at the best, always one-sided and prejudiced. S may or may not have said these things but one cannot act on the reports of any of these women against one another.
It seems evident that S is bent upon doing mischief.
She is not the only one who does mischief and from that point of view many others—including G—are just as bad as she is.
S has created turmoil in the atmosphere of the Ashram, and all against You and me. Against You in the sense that she says You are a puppet in my hands! What a shame!
Do not get so excited—are you sure of the truth of all these rumours and reports? In almost all human beings is not falsehood always mixed with truth?
Given to You with all sincerity.
My dear child, I know the sincerity of your consecration; that is why I want the peace to come in your mind and also this quiet, patient wisdom which prevents one from jumping to hasty conclusions and judgments.
Always with you, my dear child, affectionately
Beloved of my heart,
May there be for me a complete identification with Your Will, Your consciousness, Your work.
Yes, the identification with the Will and Consciousness is growing steadily and thus you will become more and more aware of my presence.
20 October 1935
I have always observed that whenever there is some heavy work or extra work to do, somebody or the other falls into a bad depression and it increases the work. The attack of depression comes either directly or through others. I have to remain firm, quiet, unshaken and full of confidence in the Divine.
Yes, when there is an attack it is general and always the blows come on all sides. But the more it strikes the more we must remain calm and undisturbed.
22 October 1935
I have just returned from H's place. Thrice she tried to run away and thrice I chased her and forced her to go to her room. The reason for this seems to be something between her and N.
It is good that you have obtained some result—let us hope that it will be a lasting one. Yes, those who live in their ego live constantly in an ugly drama. If people were a little less selfish things would not be so bad.
Meanwhile we must meet all these adverse circumstances with patience, endurance and equanimity.
All love, trust and blessings to you, my dear child
25 October 1935
About the present conflict in the Dining Room. As far as I understand it, the reason is this: the workers want to have freedom of action and they feel suffocated under my pressure.
It is not under your pressure, it is under the pressure of discipline. These people refuse to be disciplined and that is why there is such a confusion.
Forgive me for the wrongs done by me in the D. R. and the Ashram.
I see no wrongs to be forgiven.
26 October 1935
J feels "very weak, unable to stand". Those are the very words he told me this evening. Now he has caught a bad cold.
He wrote also to me telling me his condition. We have stopped the hard work, his energy has relaxed and this is the result.
I too have caught a cold and my nose is running, but I suppose it will be quite all right.
What is this! You must throw that away immediately.
27 October 1935
If there were even a few in the Ashram whose physical consciousness could readily receive the Divine Force and allow it to be effective in its working, I feel that a greater part of the illnesses in the Ashram would be pushed aside, and there would be sounder health.
May the body consciousness awake, give itself completely to the Divine and allow the Divine Force to work out its Will.
Yes, what you say is quite right. It is of the greatest importance that the body consciousness should open to the Divine; that alone can put an end to all these illnesses rising in the Ashram.
28 October 1935
Teach me to rely more and more on You.
In the peace and the inner silence you will more and more become conscious of my constant presence.
30 October 1935
The cold in my head is bad now; I took green "pastilles" from P and I may ask him for a few drops of oil in the nose. But this is the last time I am thinking of taking medicine. The next time the body should take up the true attitude and depend only upon the Divine Force.
The power that the body must get is to be aware of the illness at the moment of its coming and to reject it before it has time to settle in the body. But once the illness has caught hold of the body, then we must by one means or another help the body to recover.
31 October 1935
This evening M told me: "The moong dal is not clean. Will you get it cleaned by your granary workers?" I thought: "This is too much for me and there will be no end to it!" Also the people asking for Prasad are increasing and M is actively canvassing them!
All the above is purely from the viewpoint of discipline and organisation. But when I see things from a wider angle, I feel totally different: discipline too is progressive; what is good today may not hold good tomorrow. There will be a change in our outer life as a result of our inner progress and the descent of the consciousness from above.
My dear Mother, both these viewpoints are placed before You, the former arising from the egoistic mind, the latter from a wider mind, humble before Your working.
A harmonious combination of the two attitudes, each one working at its place and time, is the right thing.
N asks me to tell you that she no more wants to go home in the afternoon and she is ready to do the work that is needed in the kitchen. This is the result of a true progress in her consciousness and it has to be encouraged.
1 November 1935
May I know You more and more as You are, and not as I think You are.
Surely, my dear child, you will know me more and more as you become more and more conscious of my presence near you.
4 November 1935
G informs me that she gets fever now and then, and it troubles her much. The only thing that I feel about all our fevers is this: let us turn ourselves to our Beloved, the Divine. So long as we have not turned ourselves fully, we shall have to endure the consequences patiently.
Surely all these troubles come from a resistance somewhere, something that opposes the work of transformation.
5 November 1935
May I get more peace and quietness under all circumstances and push forward vigilantly and patiently.
Yes, my dear child, let the peace settle more and more in you, especially in your physical mind and rely more and more on my love and blessings.
12 November 1935
R tells me that soup from boiled greens will be the best for S's stomach condition. It would be cheap and a tonic also. He wants one cup in the morning and one cup in the afternoon. This means we shall have to prepare it twice a day.
Is it not possible to prepare it once a day and keep it warm in a thermos? As for the "greens", you must be careful about what you buy—some greens, called in French épinards et oseille, would not at all fit the purpose as the water in which they are cooked must always be thrown away because it is dangerous, even poisonous.
19 November 1935
I tried to lift the piano, just to see its weight. I could lift it, but I got a jerk in my joints at the waist, so I quickly left it. I kept a very concentrated quietness and the left-side joint got cured immediately but the right-side joint is still paining.
I am very sorry you lifted the piano in spite of my telling you that 6 strong men were needed for that work. What do you call the "joint"—I hope you have not caught a hernia. If you have still pain in the morning, you must have yourself examined by Dr. M, explaining to him what you have done and what happened.
Hoping that all will be all right, with love and blessings
26 November 1935
A need for a complete quietness, even in my exterior consciousness, has arisen now. Inside there is always a force, but to make it more effective in its manifestation a complete quietness in all the being is the immediate need.
Yes, quietness, quietness, a calm and concentrated strength, so quiet that nothing can shake it—this is the indispensable basis for the integral realisation.
7 December 1935
The D. R. lady workers have become such a nuisance: they have begun to spoil the D. R. in many ways. Any number of ladies are now eating 6 to 8 slices of bread. And when they cannot eat them, they take them home, asking for more and more. Then just at the time of work they all fall ill or have some other work, so they cannot do the work in the D. R.
It is all quite true, but there is only one answer: patience and compassion.
9 December 1935
One conviction has always remained unshaken in me: man or no man, sadhak or no sadhak, the Divine shall manifest. The Truth exists by itself, the Sun shines because it shines.
My dear Mother, may my exterior nature get deepened by my interior faith; may the intensity which is inside come out and remain in the exterior being.
Yes, the truth consciousness must pervade all the being, dominate all the movements and quiet the restless physical mind. These are the preliminary conditions for the manifestation.
13 December 1935
As a faithful and devoted soldier of Truth, it has always been my one effort to please You. Had each one been making an effort to please You and be faithful to the Truth, the goal would have been nearer to us.
Yes, this is quite true.
In humbleness and simplicity, I bow down to You; may Your work be fulfilled.
Yes, my dear child, I am quite pleased with you and appreciate fully your efforts, aspiration and fidelity.
17 December 1935
My dear mother,
This short disturbance has given me a good lesson; it has taken away a covering of ignorance and ego and left behind a luminous soul. May it shine more and more luminously.
Yes, all obscurity must go and leave the being fully opened to the light.
21 December 1935
M has put forth a proposal to get the milk in the morning in two trips instead of one. The dairy servant would have to carry the milk can on his head in the dark. The Aroumé servants would have to be made free for the first boiling, which would disturb the kitchen work. Since it is only a matter of a few days, I do not see why so many people should be inconvenienced permanently.
M is much displeased with me because I do not
agree with him in his ideas and he is insisting on them.
You are quite right in this affair and it is quite unreasonable to ask for these two trips. But M is very sensitive—he is getting more and more nervous. He says he has lost his peace. He needs affection and kindness. I suppose if you approach him in a friendly way, things will become all right.
23 December 1935
I am puzzled over the relation between the D. R. workers and me; the whole misunderstanding today burst out after my appearing at the D. R. to help them for lunch.
You need not bother about what they think or say. Do quietly what is to be done and leave the rest to me.
24 December 1935
I take the present circumstances at Aroumé as a test of my confidence in You. Under no circumstances must I lose my balance or my concentration on You.
Yes, let us become more and more strong, quiet and patient. All this confusion is bound to come to an end.
28 December 1935
Soybeans. Since You have had a lot of soybeans in Japan tell us how to prepare them or how to take out the soybean milk.
In Japan it was never prepared at home. The various preparations are generally bought ready-made. So I do not know at all how to prepare them.
All love and blessings to you my dear child, and a happy new year
2 January 1936
D is angry-1 have no idea why. But I am thinking of going to her and talking clearly about the work: how much she is to do and where.
Wait a little before going to her—she is not yet in a mood to answer reasonably and she might do some mischief with H.
It is the same with P-1 wish to be clear.
These women are not governed by reason and logic. They decide one thing and the next moment do another.
5 January 1936
P and D have become more and more unwilling workers. They shirk the work as much as possible.
It is their nature—until the nature changes nothing more can be expected from them.
My dear Mother, may the field of my work be a place for sadhana, may my entire being remain consecrated to You both from within and without.
To arrive at a true, integral and perfect equanimity is certainly a very great sadhana. I am always with you to lead you on the way.
10 January 1936
It seems that the physical mind has now seen how to stand back during attacks in calmness, quietness and peace, given to the Divine alone. I wish it would put into practice what it has seen.
Yes, when it has understood clearly it is bound to put it into practice.
19 January 1936
May I learn to give myself to You.
It seems to me that you have already learnt. My love, blessings and trust are with you, my dear child.
A new force of transformation is descending; we have to keep quiet and allow it to do its work effectively. My dear Mother, I pray for quietness and to remain fixed on the Divine. Adverse forces might try to harass us, but may we remain consecrated to the Truth.
Yes, in the quietness you will feel that our force, help and protection are always with you my dear child.
21 January 1936
It is the right poise in full equanimity that gives one a clear consciousness. I ask for the right poise and an equanimity full and complete.
Yes, poise and equanimity are the things needed. My help and consciousness are always with you to take you to this conquest.
23 January 1936
In the beginning of August 1933 the number of inmates was 120. Since then the number has remained between 135 and 150. But the work we used to do in those days we are not doing now. We are not willing to work, so we are obliged to have more and more workers. We did not grow within, which brings about the clashes we have with each other. If more inmates had worked in peace and harmony, we would have been much nearer to the goal.
It is because the forces are working in the subconscient which is, in its nature, full of unwillingness and laziness. We have now to wait patiently until it gets transformed.
24 January 1936
I wish with all my heart to be docile, calm and quiet and to serve You in all humility and in full harmony with all. I have always left myself to Your guidance.
This is my humble prayer to You: May Your wish be fulfilled; may the Divine Light manifest and the darkness and ignorance vanish.
My dear child, I know you and your aspiration well, and I trust you and appreciate your consecration.
E has sent this chit to the D. R.: "Henceforth no tiffin box for me please." Tomorrow I shall see him after seeing You, if required.
Yes, he has just written to me that for so many years he has been eating that he is tired of it and will eat no more! I have written to him that I have said to send him his food as usual and I expect him to take it. It might indeed be better if you go to see him.
Affectionately
25 January 1936
In the market I generally walk on the footpath. Several times I have been able to avoid accidents. Our negligence, hurry and carelessness always bring troubles—too much for You. May we learn to be quiet, careful and on guard always.
Yes, we must never give a chance to the adverse forces to do their mischief—they take advantage of the slightest unconsciousness. Always with you, my dear child
27 January 1936
The work of preparing luchis did not trouble me. What troubled me most was to see people who hardly ate anything else, finish all the luchis or, in order to take them home, took slices of bread. That night we decided never to give so much to eat at one time, but to give special dishes as side dishes. Still I do not understand how so many people got sick. For the first time I feel the seriousness of the responsibility of a hundred and fifty stomachs!
If they behaved normally without vital upsettings and greeds their health would be all right.
My dear Mother, completely given to You with a prayer: Peace, peace, peace in the Ashram, peace in each and every heart.
Yes, peace is indeed a very much needed thing and without peace nothing can be achieved.
31 January 1936
When I stand up for the work, not caring for personal things, the result is that everyone finds me "severe, strict, unbearable, iron-fisted, hard as a rock". The present condition at work is becoming more and more of an impasse. In desperation I sometimes speak out: "Either drive me out or these things must change."
People will always talk like that when there is a discipline to be maintained. You ought not to mind it as you have my love and trust.
1 February 1936
How can I be more and more useful to You? Grant me a complete consecration, illumine my entire consciousness, purify it so that it may be an instrument worthy of Your Love.
All depends on the progress of the consciousness and that is coming steadily.
3 February 1936
This morning there were two accidents in Aroumé, almost on the same spot, with an interval of only
a few minutes. The servant Krishna fell down and sprained his wrist. Then K fell down and sprained her ankle. At the same place, a year back, G fell down and got a sprain.
Yes, it is a kind of thing that happens sometimes. A suggestion settles somewhere and goes on trying to realise itself.
4 February 1936
Today Your flask of soup came back full. Perhaps You missed it or You may have been too busy. I drank it all with Your trust.
No, I did not miss it but did not feel like taking soup at that time and along with the flask I sent a very affectionate thought and the wish that you would take it all.
6 February 1936
When I saw H's hair quite dry today, I asked her: "Have you no oil?" She replied: "No." I know that H has nothing to keep her head cool; she washes it daily since the last few days, and this is not good for the hair.
I was just preparing some hair lotion to give her. But you must tell her that I had decided to give her hair lotion before you spoke of it.
7 February 1936
Whatever may be the causes of M's anger, let him remain calm, quiet, fully controlled and self-restrained; let him not burst out.
Surely it ought to be like that and I told him so when he came to see me. I told him that the first thing is to remain quiet, composed, peaceful—he simply answered that it was impossible for him—and I had nothing else to say.
With all my heart I wish for the growth of the movement that has taken place in me: to remain quiet under any circumstances, to turn to You and call Your Peace.
Yes, let this movement grow in you and a great strength will grow also to face all difficulties.
10 February 1936
Today I was very sorry, so sorry that I could not tell You during the day about the misbehaviour of the D. R. workers. One thought was in my mind: "I have failed miserably in serving the Mother, I am unfit and useless for the D. R."
Whatever it may be, my dear Mother, I live in Your trust, which is my constant companion even in deep sorrow.
I do not see why you should be sorry because the people of the D. R. misbehave. You cannot be responsible for their character. And if they choose not to change their ways and refuse to progress, it is surely not your fault. So you must not listen to the wrong suggestions speaking of failure and unfitness, and remember always that I am quite satisfied with you, your progress and your work.
14 February 1936
Darshan is coming, but I am having a strong reaction against eating and preparing food. Today the preparing of luchis was mere play and not much work, but still I am tired of eating.
Tired of eating? When you have so many people to feed! It is not the time for this kind of reaction. I was glad to see that all these outsiders will have a good impression of our cooking.
Many Aroumé workers have the impression that I tell
H everything. It is false.
What do you care about the impressions they have? Let them think whatever they like, it does not matter.
They accuse me of knowing all the Ashram gossip and passing it on to her. In fact I know nothing of all this.
What does it matter!!
I wish with all my heart for harmony, peace and a clear understanding with the kitchen workers.
This peace and harmony and clear understanding can be possible only when you will remain perfectly untouched by false accusations and strongly peaceful yourself in front of them.
18 February 1936
L has sent a note to me: "I cannot continue to help M in washing plantains-1 am very weak and feel very tired."
Yes. Once more she has gone wrong—and by diminishing her work she will become weaker and weaker. It is the work done heartily that was keeping up her health.
19 February 1936
M lost his temper on the 20th and 21st over nothing; at each step he shows that he wants to rule and govern.
Did you hear him yourself? Were you there when he lost his temper? He is quite capable of doing it, but as a rule never believe the reports of anybody.
22 February 1936
D speaks of having her work back—so I understand from her chit.
Why that particular work and not any work that is to be done? If people could stop speaking of the work as their work it would put an end to a lot of trouble.
26 February 1936
This afternoon I felt a conspiracy in the atmosphere formed by hostile forces to trouble me through the Aroumé workers and send me away from here. But, dear Mother, I know that nothing can send me away, for I am in Your hands.
I know that nothing can take you away from here—but the best is to attach no importance whatever to these suggestions and also to the bad will of the workers. If you remain perfectly calm and quiet, these attacks will lose all their strength.
27 February 1936
My mind has become very active. It catches all sorts of nasty suggestions, two of which are prominent: "Relieve me from Aroumé" and "Can't You manage to send me away from here?"
What is this nonsense. Surely you will not listen to that!
I do not think that any part of my being will ever accept them, and yet I pray for Your help and protection.
Yes, the help and protection are always with you—but you must quiet your mind or get out of it, look at it from above and control all these absurd suggestions.
2 March 1936
Whatever the suggestions may be, I know that they are all hostile influences trying to disturb the sadhana. The work at Aroumé needs a very clear mind and vital, free from all likes and dislikes.
When the mind is struck by such adverse suggestions, you must not get nervous or fear but consider them as mere nonsense and push them away as you would push away a fly or a mosquito and then remain very quiet until the attack is over.
I am getting a negative reaction from the workers about the special dish they have to prepare on Wednesdays. After each cooking of this kind, I find unhappiness, disharmony and bitterness among the workers.
Perhaps it gives them more work and they dislike it. It can be stopped if it is a source of difficulties.
When will a largeness and vastness come into the mind and heart? When will a good feeling come and not the feeling of a scorpion bite?
This can come only when the consciousness of the workers will shift from the mental-vital to the psychic.
5 March 1936
How is it that P has learnt to utter such ugly things about You? Why such a grudge! Where is the reason for dissatisfaction? She has freedom in work, freedom to move about where she likes. In the kitchen she was required to be exact and regular—but now!
The more a mind is ignorant, the more easily it judges everything it does not know or is incapable of understanding.
12 March 1936
Here is a letter from Y. As far as I know, he is not the only one who has contempt for the Ashram food—there are a good many. What Yogic and non-Yogic food is, is a mystery to me.
The non-Yogic food is the food very rich or very spiced and, of course, all animal food—but this is just the kind of food we are not eating.
14 March 1936
Whenever I have been stiff, harsh, stubborn or rough, it was all ego. And I see before me many people, both men and women, hurt by that ego. I ask Your Grace for pardon. May my consciousness grow and become a part of Your Consciousness.
Yes, my dear child, your aspiration is sure to get fulfilled and your consciousness to unite with the Divine Consciousness. Always with you
16 March 1936
It is a pity that G refused to accept help from P, who offered her help purely out of goodwill. I found G selfish in refusing the offer.
Yes, P had offered to prove her goodwill. But G wants to be obeyed and fears that P will refuse to obey her. This is the substance of her yesterday's letter.
Now G changed her mind and she says that they will work together.
If she tries in a true spirit of conciliation it will be good.
My dear Mother, people are unsatisfied with the food. Was it not good?
It was very good.
Were there not a variety of dishes? Was the food not clean and well cooked?
All was all right.
Then why were people unsatisfied?
Because it is almost a principle with most of them to be unsatisfied.
According to them we are not spending enough for food and because of economy we are not giving the proper food, etc., etc. You have read Y's note to you—he wrote a much more violent letter to us, and so many of these letters we have received! I felt quite disgusted with it. And what I meant is that I do not want the kitchen workers to take any extra trouble for such ungrateful people.
I pray to you with a quiet force of aspiration for a complete victory over these lower vital and physical forces of desire etc.
Yes, all these lower movements have to be conquered if ever anything divine is to be established upon earth.
All trust, love and blessings to you, my dear child and faithful worker
18 March 1936
What shall become of the soup? People are always complaining about it and about the vegetable we use for dinner after straining the soup. It is cow's fodder for them. Shall we stop it?
No, this soup is very good and wholesome. It is better to continue.
I have received the nickname "miser" from those
nearest to me. My one consolation has always been Your trust. And whenever I have been called this name, I have gone within me and found that my being is sincere and stands purely for You.
Yes, it is true and you are not at all a miser. Simply you are not wasteful—people cannot tolerate that; they want to waste and waste and waste always (naturally so long as it is not their own money that is concerned).
19 March 1936
Many days back I gave S cumin seeds to clean, but she returned them immediately without cleaning them. I saw sand and other foreign matter in them and sent them back to her. The next day she told me: "The Mother has asked me not to clean the cumin much; it is to be thrown away." I kept quiet for a time and then said: "Do as the Mother has said."
She sent me the cumin a few days back through N, saying that it was too difficult to clean, that she could not do it. I answered through N that she had to take a few grains at a time and spread them and thus it became easy. I showed N what I meant by doing it before him. I never spoke of not cleaning much and still less of throwing anything away. Now what N has exactly told her, I don't know.
30 March 1936
I told D: "Mother is putting you in Soubou House. Now, no more of this refusal to go—it is all too much." He could not take it rightly and began to shout. But in the afternoon, I found him a little cooler.
Yes, they do not seem to realise at all how completely unyogic is their attitude.
8 April 1936
What a pity, some people have begun to call the Ashram food "the night soil of the dogs". It is a wonder to me how such expressions come out. I may be managing badly, H may be cooking badly—but we should have some common sense and some deep regard for You in our consciousness which could never allow such ungrateful expressions to come out.
You are not managing badly and H is cooking quite well. But some people are wonderfully ungrateful.
Always with you, helping, supporting and trusting you
13 April 1936
Let me tell You very honestly, wherever A has worked he has been treated kindly; nobody has treated him as kindly as You have, and yet he has proved himself ungrateful to everybody. If he finds happiness elsewhere, he can go; but I think he will not.
Each one carries his capacity of happiness in himself, but to tell the truth, I am convinced that those who cannot be happy here can be happy nowhere.
Personally, I was happy nowhere before, it is only here that I am happy. Since 1924 not a single doubt has passed in me. My Mother is the supreme Truth—this remains unchallenged.
Yes, my dear child, you are mine and I am always with you, present near you and in you.
14 April 1936
How is it that my co-workers think so badly of me that I am deprived of even an ordinary human courtesy! Things are getting worse. Perhaps there would be a lighter air if I were not there.
Do not take these things so much to heart. If you give them no importance they will have none—and if a man truly misbehaves it is he who must feel for it, not you.
My dear Mother, completely given to You.
Let this consecration be for you the means of a complete liberation. My help and protection are always with you on the way—my dear child.
22 April 1936
H is going through a bad disturbance, but the cause is not known; she does not want to speak. May her normal consciousness come again to the front, the consciousness that feels the loving Presence of her dear Mama.
Yes, surely it is not good when there are already so many difficulties, to open one's door also to disturbance. At the time of the battle the soldiers are expected to pick up all their courage and endurance.
28 April 1936
I understand that we have come here and are allowed to stay here with the clear understanding that we accept Your word, Your guidance and follow You in every way. This is the simple beginning of Yoga.
My dear child, I wish that many would think and feel like you—it would make things so much easier!
29 April 1936
My Yoga means a complete union with You and I know not any Yoga except that.
Yes, my dear child, you are mine completely and I am always with you, around you, in you.
Bushy the cat has quietly brought her kittens into my room and put them under my table, just near my feet. I wish she would go to her room.
You can try to remove them, but generally cats are very obstinate.
1 May 1936
Yesterday great sorrow and sadness rushed upon me with the idea that no one can work with me and people have to leave the Ashram because of me.
It is surely not because of you that some people are obliged to leave the Ashram. It is because of their own defects.
But the mood passed very soon, leaving an aspiration to depend more upon the Divine than upon anybody or anything else.
Yes, this is the true attitude.
2 May 1936
G said to me in a cutting tone: "Who sweeps the back of the ladies room in the D.R.? It is so dirty—since the last four days no one has swept there." I kept quiet; but when I went to check I saw that is was as clean as it could be and it is swept every day.
Did you tell her: "I went and saw and it is quite clean. Why do you say that it is dirty? Remember what Mother has said: first sincerity and truthfulness."
5 May 1936
How many bottles of chloride of lime solution will be needed for Aroumé daily? Will You give me an estimate so that I can ask for it accordingly?
It seems to me that one bottle of solution per day ought to be sufficient. It is very corrosive and I do not think it is good to use it in too big a quantity.
7 May 1936
The Ashram has very few loyal and faithful
workers devoted to You, workers to whom You are the sole and unique reality. Yet with a full confidence in the Divine I go on. The Divine knows how to manage affairs better than any human intellect. The only thing one has to do is to open oneself to the Divine.
Yes, my dear child, it is quite sure that everything will be arranged for the best finally.
8 May 1936
M has stopped working in the kitchen and B is trying to do the same. H, N and S are the only ones left to work there. I pray for peace, peace, peace.
Well! The fewer the number the greater the chance of peace, I suppose.
9 May 1936
May each successive year in the Ashram be a year of greater and deeper consecration to You.
Yes, it will bring you closer and closer to me in the true and deep relation.
11 May 1936
Today is the day when You first saw me and allowed me to stay in the Ashram as a permanent sadhak. You gave me a new life. In utter gratefulness and devotion I take refuge in You, my Divine Mother.
May the spirit of submission, surrender, faith and sincerity grow in me more and more.
These years have brought upon you a wonderful change and yet still a greater change will come until you have reached a perfection of consciousness and union.
12 May 1936
When disturbances or bad suggestions come, my being clearly speaks to them and says: "If I submit myself to you, you gain strength and enter into the atmosphere. Go away, you have no place here." And they do go away. By calling the Divine Force and remaining completely quiet and undisturbed, the bad force is sure to go away defeated.
Yes, this is just the right attitude that is sure to bring the victory. My dear child, I am always with you and my strength is constantly in you.
13 May 1936
K is now quite unable to eat and feels sick. Is her nausea not due to the weakness that must have come by her not eating for so long?
Certainly it is that and purely nervous, and the less she eats the more she will be unable to eat.
She says: "Look here, I have full strength in spite of not eating." This I do not believe. The attitude in her letter to You does not seem to be quite good. If she does not want to eat in the D. R. she can eat at home. But it would be good if she would take at least one spoonful of food.
Yes, her attitude in this is not helpful—she has not sufficient trust to overcome her own fixed idea and she does not open to the Force that would give her the capacity of eating and overcoming this attack.
H too boasts of her strength in spite of not eating. To me it looks all false.
You are quite right.
She could wreck her body if this condition gets prolonged, and there would be complete chaos in the work.
Yes, what you say is quite true—but the mischief is that both H and K do not accept at all what is told to them, on this subject at least.
May the physical consciousness open more and more to the Divine Light and come under its direct influence.
Yes, it is the only solution.
20 May 1936
These attacks on the body are travelling from one person to another. No, it must not be; let us force it out of the atmosphere. In the Kitchen H and R are sick; in the Granary it is K and P; in the Canal House D. What does this attack mean? Does it intend to wreck the whole organisation? No, it cannot be, my dear Mother. In all confidence I open myself to the Divine Force and invoke it. It will do its work.
Yes, the more the attacks are violent, the more we must have a strong, quiet and unshakeable faith.
25 May 1936
There is an adverse force which moves around in the Ashram and now it is coming out on the material plane. This force has to be conquered or thrown out, and the best way to deal with it is an absolute sincerity and an unshakeable adherence to the Divine.
Personally, I feel that the adverse force should be dealt with in such a way that P may get freed from its clutches. In the Granary there have never been white ants before. The wheat bags have remained intact for six to eight months. But since P has picked up this negative mood, plenty of white ants have come under the planks.
As you say, it is the adverse force itself that must be conquered and destroyed, otherwise it will always find people to manifest it.
28 May 1936
I have learned that M is arriving on the fourth or fifth of June.
Yes, he is coming back—but if you do not mind, I like much better that you should keep the work of sweeping the terrace. I like the feeling of having you there early morning. He can clean the shutters of the meditation hall.
1 June 1936
H wrote You a letter asking if she could help in the Granary when needed, till a good and trustworthy worker is found.
We have indeed received a letter from H—but we do not think it is wise to mix works like that. Her responsibility is in the kitchen and must remain there alone. Otherwise a big strain could be created in her and her health would suffer much.
The number of persons not doing Ashram work is increasing and increasing. Perhaps they think it is a good sign of their sadhana.
The progress in sadhana comes from the rectification of the inner and outer attitude, not from the nature of the work one does.
2 June 1936
M told me that when P was working upstairs, he used to sit and meditate near the door opening to the glazed-tiled terrace when Sri Aurobindo was reading letters to You. This seems to me a very objectionable thing. Perhaps that is why You were not feeling well.
Exactly so. He says he heard but was not listening—but of this I am not at all so sure.
4 June 1936
My conviction is that with one K and one H we can very easily feed the entire Ashram. If both join together, the Granary, Kitchen and Canal House will be child's play for them. And above that, they will move about as if they have no work at all and give you pieces of embroidery as they are doing now.
Let them come definitively out of all mental, vital and physical troubles and then it will be possible.
5 June 1936
Last night M told me about A: "He feels that his body is completely wrecked and that it will not recover. If he takes up any work, it will immediately be broken again."
Nobody asks him to take up work—and the doctor has forbidden him to work. So ...
To me it seems a pity that he does not have confidence in the Divine Grace.
Ninety-nine per cent of his illness is pure imagination.
6 June 1936
H got burnt in two places today, although blisters did not form. Last year she had violent attacks on the vital; now they are coming on the physical. She seemed much discouraged today, but my feeling is that there is a quiet and steady opening of her physical consciousness to the Divine. She must rely on You completely and quietly go on.
Yes, if she keeps quiet inside and calm outside all these attacks will have to stop.
10 June 1936
May we not trouble You, may we not keep You engaged over a crumb of bread, a rag of cloth, a pen nib or a little broom. May the whole field get cleared of the devil and we go forward towards a perfect union with our dear Mother.
Yes, what you say is quite true and it will be indeed a great thing when this condition will be established in the Ashram. All love and blessings to you my dear child
In spite of P's note saying that she would not go for work, she did go. But there was all the anger possible against me.
The poor girl is suffering very much from big boils—this is the cause of the bad temper.
14 June 1936
Our sadhana is passing through a stage when unshakeable steadfastness is necessary. May we remain calm and quiet in this period and cross over the obstacles of the dark and ignorant physical nature.
Indeed it is only the calm and luminous peace of a higher consciousness that can conquer these difficulties.
15 June 1936
It is not possible for me to leave the work or to
leave You. This much I know, that even in a disturbed condition I shall serve You up to the last.
I am quite convinced of that, and I have full trust also in your capacity for Yoga.
16 June 1936
H is full of sorrow and despondency. But I have noticed that sweetness of the heart and kindness have not left her.
It is a pity she has stopped writing—I think it was helping her to keep open to the force and the influence.
17 June 1936
I feel that in the last few days I have been crossing the difficulty that Sri Aurobindo found in me. But there is a new will, a greater self-giving to the Divine and a firm faith.
Yes, my dear child, from the point of view of your spiritual progress the past year has been a very good one and I expect the beginning year to be still better. Indeed the Light has to come down in the lower nature, in the subconscient and bring there the knowledge and the right attitude—and it is bound to come.
With all my heart I wish for peace, happiness and
harmony in the Ashram. This is my humble prayer on the eve of my birthday: let jealousy, disharmony and anger pass away and peace be established in every heart.
Let this year bring you the power of being constantly aware of my Presence for, indeed, I am always with you, in all trust and affection.
18 June 1936
The coming year is a year of a great promise—a promise for victory. In solemn faith and courage, peace and quietness I enter the year. Victory to Thee, my dear Mother.
Indeed, let this year that begins bring for you a perfect peace and an unshakeable equanimity. Our love and blessings are and will always be with you, my dear child.
I can see in my being the resistance of some forces of the subconscient. But there is nothing to fear; knowledge is also there, coming to check them and achieve the victory.
Yes, the Light is slowly but surely coming down in the subconscient.
Always with you my dear child, closer and closer
19 June 1936
Let nothing come in my way to You. Let nothing stop my progress towards You.
Nothing can stop your progress except your own will—and this cannot happen.
21 June 1936
H's cold has worsened and she had a high fever; she took no food today. She is obstinate in not writing to You.
I am very sorry for the cold, very sorry that she did not eat and also very sorry that she refuses to write.
May H turn herself fully towards You and allow the Force to act on her. May her thinking mind be quiet.
The Divine Grace is always with her, but she must open to it and learn to receive it fully.
She has not written tonight, and I am sorry for it. I so hope that she will get all right soon.
It seems that she has written. I had not seen her letter.
24 June 1936
Somebody has taken my umbrella from Aroumé and left an old one in its place. A has put a notice on the board, but no news as yet.
Now we have the name of the owner put on the umbrella so that such a thing cannot happen (B is in charge of that). If your umbrella does not come back, you will ask for a new one.
29 June 1936
From my very boyhood, my attitude has been one of disgust towards life and its things. But now I accept all life and whatever things come from You.
Yes, I am in the things also and that is why they must be treated with care.
2 July 1936
The cause of the outburst between M and L was nothing of importance. If we do not rise above personal feelings and stand for the work, how is the work to be done!
It is the control over oneself that is the first thing needed, and especially the control over one's tongue! If people could learn to keep silent how many troubles would be avoided!
3 July 1936
I do not understand the troubles in the D. R—there are angry outbursts for nothing.
The spirit of quarrels is still in the Aroumé atmosphere. Unless the workers make an effort to throw it away, it will always attack them and create some mischief or other.
10 July 1936
There are plenty of thoughts suggesting my failure both as a sadhak and as a worker and of my being unfit and unworthy.
You know that these thoughts are quite wrong and come from a hostile force. All thoughts of that kind must be rigorously driven away, for to receive them is an unfaithfulness towards the Divine.
The child does not worry about his growth, he simply... grows.
15 July 1936
N asks me if K can occasionally roast brinjals in the kitchen after the cooking is over.
If it brings no inconvenience at all, it can be done, but if it is to create any inconvenience or extra work I do not want it.
1 have this hope for the descent of the Light into the lower nature and into the subconscient on the 15th of August.
Yes, my dear child, the Light will descend sooner or later and it is bound to enlighten the subconscient. My force, love and
blessings are always with you—helping you to conquer.
16 July 1936
Until now it has never happened that I have lost money. But the money is stolen; even before I came here to my room it had been stolen. It looks to me like somebody is making mischief.
It is unconscious movements from the subconscient which allow this mischief to happen. But when these movements come to the surface they can be enlightened and then the mischief has no more hold.
19 July 1936
I saw M delivering a long speech to L and it did not look pleasant. L told me afterwards that it was about the Ashram lemons—they are small in size and without juice, etc.
I suppose there is only to pay no attention to his speech. The best thing is not to answer, not to discuss and not even to listen! ...
These are the days for peace; I pray for peace and some tolerance.
When the heart and the mind are at peace the rest naturally follows.
26 July 1936
What is the matter with N? He looks all right, he moves about and yet he is unable to go for his food!
As far as I know it is a dangerous illness: laziness. And G also.
G is truly unwell with fever, etc
30 July 1936
C's friend is coming tomorrow evening. Perhaps he could help us work in the Dining Room for these busy days before Darshan.
I know nothing about him; we shall see. But it seems difficult to bombard him with work as soon as he arrives, unless he asks for it himself.
My dear child, my force and help are with you, I am always present near you and in you, so that you may pass through these busy days with a quiet and concentrated strength.
4 August 1936
I asked the Bangalore vegetable vendor to get more cabbage on the 12th, but he got it this week by mistake. So we will serve vegetables for 4 days: Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday.
Will it keep up to Monday? The cabbages get rotten very easily. It seems to me that it would be safer to make the dishes of Thursday, Friday and Saturday bigger and to use them all within these 3 days.
Again, how shall we cook them—in curry or make salad?
I think the visitors will like curry better than salad.
My dear Mother, I hope that we shall pass these busy days quietly. No doubt attacks will come to me, yet I have eternal hope.
To be calm and quiet is the first necessity, and for that do not worry too much about details during these days. I am sure each one will do his best and more can be asked from nobody. Evidently this "best" must progress and become better but that takes time and cannot be expected at once.
5 August 1936
I spoke to B about work and he will give an answer tomorrow. So he told me.
He wrote to me saying that he was accustomed to do very light work and to be at the head, but, of course if I order him... etc.... We are writing to him that he need not join the work at all.
11 August 1936
S is not drinking her milk but preparing curds from it. She may prepare it for You, but I think she should not do so for N and me. If things go on like this, we shall have a second edition of M for cooking.
I think she is too unsteady to go on cooking for a long time. Her health is not quite good and she is feeling much troubled about it. That is why I am lenient to her little fancies.
6 September 1936
This noon food for 69 persons was sent to their rooms.
I have nothing to say, if you want to do it—but I find that it is those who are doing nothing all day who ought to go for their food in Aroumé.
20 September 1936
S is under nobody's medical treatment, it seems, yet he is able to walk in the hot sun to the other end of town to search for manure. Then what is the need of giving him food at home?
Yes, he must come to Aroumé to eat or take his tiffin-box away. All those who are not ill or very busy (with some exceptions, of course, like A, D, R, etc.) ought to eat in the D. R. or to come to fetch their tiffin-box themselves.
21 September 1936
In regard to the need for coolies, You told me that if I informed C a few days in advance, he could give me the Building Service people required. But what if I suddenly need somebody for only a few minutes?
It is more difficult for the B. S. to give a coolie for a very short time than for half a day. The work of each workman is arranged on the previous evening and told to him before he goes.
It creates always a confusion to change that afterwards. Moreover just now a new building is started and it occupies almost all of the workmen.
24 September 1936
I am very badly constipated since a few days. And that does not allow me to take my food properly.
You ought to take an enema, but to eat less because of constipation does not help, on the contrary.
25 September 1936
I wish the day would come when You can use me as an instrument in worlds other than this material world. You go into other worlds, worlds of the subconscient, and fight there and conquer and spread the kingdom of light. Is it not possible for us to be Your soldiers even in those dark lands?
There is nothing impossible in the realisation of what you are asking for—a patient, strong, steady and absolutely sincere aspiration can conquer all obstacles—but it takes time.
3 October 1936
I shall try my utmost to change myself. I have understood the hints that Sri Aurobindo gave in his answer to H. I give myself to You for a change in consciousness.
The change is certain; it is only a matter of steady patience and I am always with you to help you and protect you on the way.
6 October 1936
There is a rivalry between A and S—each claims to be the head of the Granary. One comes and tells me something and the other comes and tells me something else. How to pull on, dear Mother?
You might remind them that both Yoga and work suffer by such miserable little currents.
10 October 1936
Dr. B will talk with H about her treatment tonight; there is some fear in her mind. The same fear was in K. All these people may be talking and gossiping on the subject and supporting the fear in one another. This whole recent wave of illness in the Ashram is perhaps due to this fear and nothing more.
You are quite right. It is all due to fear and nothing else. It is a wave of fear and falsehood that has passed over the Ashram and each one is answering according to his or her nature. Very few are those who can stand firm on the rock of their faith and trust in the Divine and reject the wave altogether.
11 October 1936
It is my humble confession that a wave of fear
and falsehood attacked me. This wave wanted me to be very angry with H. But to all the suggestions and attacks of the hostile forces, I had one answer: "It is impossible; I know all of you very well. How can I be faithless to the love of my dear Mother?" And in gratitude my heart took shelter more and more in Your Love.
I am indeed very happy to hear that you have passed successfully through the experience. Your answer to the attack was the right one. You have only to keep up this attitude and after several attempts the attacks are bound to stop.
12 October 1936
C wrote me a letter. She wants to come here and is thinking of using a trick. She will agree to marriage on one condition: that her family allows her to come to Pondicherry before the wedding; then she will not return to Gujarat. She puts this trick idea before You and asks for Your advice.
I do not approve of tricks like that—they can only bring trouble.
13 October 1936
L goes to Aroumé and wipes vessels in the morning. She told me: "I shall not be able to go in the evening because my body is not well." The need for her was in the evening, but that she has now refused. Here is one more person whom we are "making ill by heavy work". Those are her words; that is why I have accepted her terms. I know that after some time she will ask for work.
Do not give it.
Then I shall send her to You.
Yes, they seem to be all like that. They ask for work, insist on having it and if anything goes wrong with their body they accuse us of killing them with work!
21 October 1936
It would help if You could see H and talk with her and let her say freely her things about the kitchen and the cooking. Then You can directly answer her and the horizon will get cleared. It is now three months that she has been struggling over this and that.
I have seen H; she was very nice and spoke quite frankly. She told me that she was not feeling happy but did not put any blame upon you for it; she accused only the weakness and restlessness of her mind. She expressed only one wish for the work, that you should not leave the decisions to her. She wants you to give her exactly what is needed and to tell her plainly what is to be done. She told me repeatedly that she would feel very much relieved if you did that. It seems that you used to do that before and it is only recently that you have changed your ways. I saw clearly that she feels too weak to have more responsibility than that of carrying out your instructions, and it seems to me that she can be given satisfaction on that point.
She did not mention the fact of your telling me that she had finished her work and consequently I saw no necessity to
show her your books. It seems to me that very easily everything can be all right.
28 October 1936
When You ask me about something, how should I answer You? I was not pleased with my answer today. Not only today but almost always I feel a shortcoming.
The best thing to do is to give me the correct, precise and complete information about the matter. It is what I am asking from you, to have a ground for my decision.
30 October 1936
What shall I say about M's disturbance today in the D. R.? The reports differ and I wait for a little more clarity. In any case a life of peace and harmony is also worth living, and anger thrown out falls back upon the thrower and clouds his soul.
I know nothing more silly than this habit of always quarrelling—it is miles away from Yoga.
5 November 1936
This evening's meditation has resulted in a great renunciation of the past. My soul has gone to the future and given itself to You to be a perfect instrument in
Your hands for the new creation that You are bringing down upon the earth.
Yes, it is the future realisation that counts.
My being gives itself to You in all devotion and faithfulness.
And the gift is received with my heart's best affection. Always with you, my dear child
7 November 1936
A weak point is opening in me: I am becoming over-sensitive to the slightest thing and my first reaction is: "Send me away, relieve me from this work." My faithfulness to You does not in the least tolerate this weakness, and yet I cannot deny its presence. Some months back You told me: "You have not taken full refuge in me; there is something which is not yet worked out." This is true, and this is what brings up all the trouble from the subconscious.
My very dear child,
It is a very great progress that you have become conscious of this weak point in you—for now it will be relatively easy to overcome it.
The first step is not to identify yourself with it—to consider it as some wrong influence from outside, something to be pushed away. And if in spite of that it touches you, call me, call me ceaselessly until you are cured. At the same time it will give strength to the weak point and you will see that little by little it will become strong.
Always with you, certain of the victory
11 November 1936
I wish to become humble, very humble and sincere.
Yes, my dear child, You will have this great boon of humility and sincerity.
All love and blessings to you
14 November 1936
My horoscope says that I shall be friendly towards nobody; even my friends will abuse me and give me up. But this prediction will prove wrong; there will be peace in my heart, sweetness in my speech, gentleness and harmony in every expression. My entire being will live in the Divine, for the Divine and by the Divine.
Surely, by Yoga the horoscope can be mastered—we are no more bound to it—and we can change our nature as well.
Surely, you are my child and will become so more and more perfectly.
19 November 1936
A very humble confession. Since 1911 I have denied the sex-instinct in me, refused to accept it. There was a very strong will in me which simply controlled it, crushed it, pushed it out from the surface consciousness. Yet for all the negation it was there, acting in some form or other.
My dear Mother, my being now accepts its past silliness and in all humbleness it opens itself to You.
May this blot be removed and my entire being be Yours.
I am very glad that you have found it out. This is a very great step towards the cure.
Always with you, in the effort and the success
2 December 1936
Truly I am a pretender and a hypocrite. I showed myself to be what I was not and brought a good many troubles to You by my behaviour, especially because I have to work mainly with ladies. Would the solution be to remove myself from the field of work?
No solution at all. It is not you that you must remove but the difficulty. The weakness must be overcome and my force will be with you and do what is necessary to remove altogether the obstacle, if you let it do so.
My entire being has become grateful today. I was put to a real and true test. If I were not placed in such close contact with the ladies, I would not have found out my weakness. But I must confess, I could not remain sincere to the core. I hope that it is not too late.
Surely it is not too late and the victory is certain.
In spite of all this, I have always felt some unknown protection around me, even before I came here.
Yes, the protection has always been upon you. All love and blessings to you, my dear child
3 December 1936
May I remain given to You.
There is surely no question about that—but surely also you could not believe that sadhana could be done without facing some difficulties. As your aspiration is sincere, whatever was in the subconscient standing in the way of the Divine Realisation, has come to the surface in order to be transformed. There is nothing there to make you sad or depressed—on the contrary you ought to rejoice over these occasions to make progress and never forget to lean for support and help on my love, force and blessings.
15 December 1936
The clouds passed away this morning and once more I find myself in the consciousness of zeal, courage and confidence.
I am very glad about this good news, glad but not astonished for I expected as much.
16 December 1936
The year ends and a new year begins. May the new year bring to us God-realisation.
Yes, the Light must illumine the consciousnesses and the shadows of Ignorance must be dissolved in all.
30 December 1936
Since months I am tasting the food and find it truly very good—sometimes it is simply perfect.
1 January 1937
We have a woman-coolie in the Granary who is unable to cope with the work. It was decided by You to get a man in her place. K's choice is either M, B's gardener, or R who has worked at the Granary before.
M is our best gardener; what would happen to the gardens if he was taken away from that work?
As for R he is one of the very few (4 or 5) coolies who know the concrete work. He will be quite indispensable for the new building. I have asked the mason (a reliable man) to bring us somebody for the Granary work. Strong and honest and if possible knowing already something of the work. I have insisted on these points.
2 September 1937
Here is the food that we have served this noon for the Ashram. Will You take it? And if You find it worthy of Sri Aurobindo, will You give it to Him also?
The food is truly excellent. I am keeping it for Sri Aurobindo.
4 September 1937
...But what does P mean by rules! I have not exerted any rule on him. In any case, my going to the Prosperity stops from now.
I do not understand what you mean by saying that your going to the Prosperity stops from now. The Prosperity is not P's property. He is there only to keep the things and to distribute them and his personality has nothing to do in the matter. It is I who give the things in Prosperity, it is from me that they are received and to stop going to Prosperity because P is not always pleasant to deal with, is to give an undue importance to his person. I thought I had explained that to you already.
Now get out of your own feeling, step back into a more objective view of things and imagine that somebody—rightly or wrongly—thinks that you have ill-treated him and declares: "Now I will no more take food from the D. R." What would you say to this?
Dear child, my love
Undated
There are plenty of moods and fancies among the inmates, many unnecessary harassings. I undergo all possible pinchings, tortures and troubles, but our goal is something else—it is the Divine Life.
You are quite right in not allowing the moods and fancies of the people to affect you. You must soar above all that in the constant feeling of the Divine's Presence, Love and Protection.
With you always
It is true, my child, that Nature is very brutal in her ways, but it can't be one of my squirrels that has been eaten, as they have come for food just now...
It must be the babies that get caught like that, those who have, as yet, no experience of life and of its dangers.
But surely we can hope for a world in which the aspiration for unity should not translate itself into a devouring instinct.
Faith is the condition to be frank with the Divine.
A complete frankness with the Divine will allow your faith to be steady.
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