Mother's little fairy

The Turning Point

An experience of Maggi in her own words.

The experience started in the afternoon. It was a Mahakali experience, because some Force came down which Maggi had called for transformation. When it came there was resistance at one tiny point; almost a legal point on which she was arguing with the Force, and since she would not give in on this one point. It happened like this. Maggi was meditating a lot, not because of discipline, but because she was seized by meditation. The meditation was getting more and more strong. On that fateful day Maggi had finished writing a novel to which she was attached and which now she was revising. She started to meditate to get a higher consciousness to revise it and a great Force enveloped her. Then she heard a silent voice say, "This Force is not for the revision of the book, it is not for anything close but for the transformation of the being." This knowledge was so sure and wonderful that one had no wish to ignore it and Maggi tore up and threw away that novel welcoming the Force. Maggi asked, "What else should I do?"

Immediately Maggi knew the only thing she was attached to was the person whom she loved, for whom she had waited the whole of her life. Spontaneously she said to the Divine, "Yes, he does not belong to me. My surrender is complete. You may part us." After a time she added, "But you must do it, don’t ask me to give the blow. It is for you to do it."

There seemed to be a pause from the Force. Maggi said, "feel there is nothing else." Still the Force hovered as though to say, "Are you sure? Have you surrendered everything?" Maggi searched herself and there was something. She said, "The only thing is, do not ask me to leave him, do not ask me to wound him, for he is not ready" (he was not).

Maggi felt some uneasiness which she correctly interpreted as the pressure from the Force. She was somewhat shocked. She said to the Force whom she was treating as a person, as the Divine, "Can you imagine how ignoble it would be? He has helped me to open to you after a period of aridity. Do you expect me to use him as a step ladder to you then kick him away?"

There was a silence. Maggi began to get a very uneasy feeling that it was exactly what was expected of her. She said to the Force, "I told you I do not want anything from him, I do not even ask to see him. If you like, it is what you want, you make it happen; I cannot."

The uneasy feeling in the solar plexus now increased considerably and Maggi’s resistance grew proportionately. When the pressure turned into a dull pain, Maggi said to the Divine Force, "You can torture me but I will not give in, you can crush me, you can kill me, but on this point I stand."

The Divine seemed to take Maggi at her word, for she felt so bad that she had to lie down and she said to the Force, "Are you a torturer?"

She was still feeling very virtuous about her noble gesture. The Divine took Maggi at her word and began to crush her. It was as though the universe was crushing down at her solar plexus. There was no longer any question of resistance. The pain was so excruciating she knew she would not be able to bear it and finally agreement was wrenched from her. "Yes, yes, I agree. All right, all right."

But it was no true surrender and came too late. The guiding voice demanded, "Are you willing to have the dead parts of your heart removed?"

With eagerness, Maggi said, "Yes, yes, yes."

To cut the story short the "operation" was so painful Maggi was afraid that she would go mad or die. In her heart she reproached the Mother for not helping her. She thought, "I have put my life in the hands of someone who does not understand about Yoga." She wished heartily she had never heard of Yoga. Just then the Mother sent her a "Grace" flower

She knew that she should not move. For the whole of the night she lay paralysed, for about 12 hours. The next morning again the Mother sent her a Grace flower and wrote a message, "It is only in the silence that the Truth descends." And with that came immediately the understanding of the experience and the Truth began to descend and was able to break the resistance in 36 hours which might have otherwise taken decades or lifetimes. She understood, "Nothing belongs to us, not even the protection of those whom we love."

She learnt to love in a liberated way due to the above experience. She related the experience to the Mother. The Mother said, "I know when you are sincere and persist the Divine can save you through the chink in your armor. It is in fact the chink in your armor that can attract this Grace. But you have to be really sincere."