Flame of Love

Part 1

Memories of Motiba

O Victorious power of divine Love, Thou art the sovereign Master of this universe, Thou art its creator and its saviour, Thou hast permitted it to emerge from chaos, and now Thou leadest it to its eternal goal.

There is not a thing so humble but in it I see Thee resplendent, not a being apparently so hostile to Thy will but I feel Thee live in it and act and radiate.

O my sweet Master, essence of this love, I am Thy heart, and the torrents of Thy love pass through the entirety of my being and flow out to awaken Thy love in all things or rather to awaken all things to the consciousness of Thy love which animates all.

All those who do not recognise Thee, all those who do not know Thee, all those who try to turn away from Thy sweet and divine law, I take into my arms of love, I cradle them in my heart of love and offer them to Thy divine flames, so that penetrated by Thy miraculous effluence, they may be converted in Thy beatitude.

O Love, resplendent Love, Thou penetratest, Thou transfigurest all.

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Motiba and Kamala

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Champaklal's Dear Aunt Motiba

Every time I saw Motiba, I was reminded of my childhood days, of my grandmother's care and affection. Like her, Motiba always caressed and blessed me with all her love and affection.

Every phase of life has its own charm, even old age, if one knows how to see it. It is a charm that radiates humility, tender disinterested love, dedication and surrender. Motiba was a true symbol of it. She was pure-hearted, simple, loving, caring, happy, calm and detached. She poured her love and blessings on whoever visited her. How delightful it was to see her full of joy on her birthday. Champaklal used to remember his dearest Foiba with love and respect.

Motiba arrived in the Ashram with Champaklal's brother Kantilal on April 4, 1926 and remained here for the rest of her life. The Mother fixed her birthday as January 27. And so January 27, 1995 marked her centenary. Even at that age she continued doing all her household work herself, and sometimes her cooking too. About her weakened eyesight and hearing, she used to say with a smile: "How can I blame my eyes and ears? They have served me so well all these years."

Such was our Motiba. She was the first member of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram to complete hundred and eleven years. During the final years of her life she stayed in Champaklal's room in the Ashram with his brother Bansidharji. She has often spoken fondly of Bansidharji's childhood days to me. When he passed away, it was an

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unbearable shock to her; she went into silence for many days.

Motiba left her physical body on 21^st April 2006 very peacefully.

Motiba's Recollections

I always enjoyed asking Motiba questions about herself and her life in the Ashram. Her pet opening to her response was: "I don't remember much, my memory has faded. But I will try to tell you whatever I can." I give here some interesting selections from her replies using, as far as possible, her own words.

Will you please tell me about your childhood and early life before you came to the Ashram?

My father's name was Nathuram, my mother's name was Mooriben and our surname Tarwadi. We were Modh Brahmins. My father used to read the Puranas and do Yajnas and Havans. Being a priestly family, our economic condition was quite ordinary. Our family Deity was Galleshwar Mahadev, though we also worshipped Sri Krishna. Several times our family witnessed miraculous and wonderful blessings of Galleshwar Mahadev.

I lost my father at the age of six. I was married when I was only eight. My mother died within six months of my marriage. I went to my in-laws when I was fifteen and became a widow the next year. My husband Amthalal suddenly fell ill after returning from Bombay and died at

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the age of twenty-five on Mahashivaratri. My five sisters died one after another. I was the youngest daughter of my parents. My younger brother Mafatlal passed away at the age of eighteen.

I was terribly shocked by this series of untimely deaths of my near and dear ones and gradually lost all interest in life. Champaklal was very dear to me, but he had already settled in the Pondicherry Ashram.

How did you decide to go to Pondicherry?

After Champaklal had settled permanently in Pondicherry, I decided to go there. I wrote a letter to Sri Aurobindo, asking for his permission to come. When I was living in Patan I had a darshan of him and the Mother in a vision. In it, I saw Sri Aurobindo walking continuously in the room where he used to walk and the Mother standing on the steps of the house's staircase. Champaklal talked to the Mother about this vision and about my wish to stay in the Ashram. I had already sent my photograph.

You would find it very interesting to know how things got arranged for me. In Patan it had been decided to get Champaklal engaged to my sister-in-law. But Champaklal was firmly against marriage and did not want to leave the Ashram. So my relatives sent me with Kantilal to explain the situation to him and take him back to Patan — but instead I stayed back in the Ashram! First I stayed in a room in the Atelier, then in the Balcony house, and finally in the Post Office house. Now I live here in Champaklal's room.

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I saw the Mother for the first time in this room itself, because in those days the Mother was staying in this room.

For the first six months I lived at my own expense. Then one day Mother called me and asked, "Do you want to stay here permanently?" "Yes Mother," I replied; "if you permit me." Thereafter Mother used to give me thirty rupees a month for my expenses.

Did your relatives try to persuade you to go back to your house in Patan?

Yes, I received many letters, messages and telegrams from them. Finally Sri Aurobindo wrote a letter to them and they never called me again. Let me show it to you.

Sri Aurobindo's Letter

"Motiba is quite happy here and she is progressing very well in her sadhana. If she goes away from here, the progress will be stopped and much of what she has gained may be lost. An intensive and concentrated sadhana once begun has to be persistently continued in the right atmosphere. If it is kept up only for a short time and then dropped for another kind of life in which the concentration is diffused and weakened, there is no likelihood of

* Champaklal told me that Motiba's correspondence with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother was very interesting. Unfortunately, it has not been found.

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fruition. For this reason we would disapprove of her departure."

What work did the Mother give you?

Initially, the ironing of Sri Aurobindo's and the Mother's clothes. I was instructed by Datta, the English lady who accompanied the Mother here. Later, I was also given the work of washing Sri Aurobindo's and the Mother's clothes. I had the privilege of washing them twice a day and this is how I also got my Lord's darshan twice a day. First when I went to his and the Mother's bathrooms in the morning to collect the clothes, and the second time when I went to return the cleaned clothes in the evening. The Mother always gave me a sweet smile. I went to Sri Aurobindo's room in the evening to put his Dhoti there. At first I used to place it outside his room. Later on, the Mother permitted me to place it inside. In those days Sri Aurobindo kept walking to and fro in his room. As soon as I opened the door, he would switch on the light and I would place his Dhoti inside. [Here, Foiba showed me the art of folding the Dhoti in a special manner.] After his accident, there were more clothes to wash every day.

Once I fell ill and was sent to the Nursing Home. The Mother enquired about my health every day. When I came back from the Nursing Home, I went to see her. She blessed me and said, "You will remain like this." To me this meant that I would be active even in my old age. And this has come true by the Mother's Grace, for I am moving around and working even today.

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Once I got a bad cough. Sri Aurobindo noticed it and told the Mother. She herself prepared a soup for me and sent it through someone. Mother knew that I might refuse to take it, so she also sent Champaklal with a tablet. I was reluctant to take the soup but when Champaklal explained why it would help me, I took the soup and tablet. With that one tablet my cough disappeared! Since then that tablet became very popular in the Ashram.

After Sri Aurobindo's Mahasamadhi, Champaklal did not eat for five days. The Mother herself made him drink a glass of juice.

After Sri Aurobindo left his body, I was allowed to go to his room every day for meditation. Our Gracious Mother always allowed me to sit as long as I wished.

What other work was given to you?

We had no servants in those early days. There was only self-help. So I used to cook for Bansidhar as well as myself. Sometimes I cooked for Sri Aurobindo too.

What did you prepare for Sri Aurobindo?

Bhajias (pakodas) made from ajwain leaves, potato-vadas and small sweet pudlas (pancakes). He liked the pudlas very much and used to eat a good number of them. Of the bhajias, potato-vadas and puris, he used to eat only two or three. Once he got some kidney trouble and Mother stopped his eating the sweet pudlas. So I made pudlas without sugar, but he did not like them. Every day, at about four in the

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afternoon I used to take walnuts, cashews, almonds and raisins fried in ghee for him to his room.

Once I presented to him a handkerchief woven by me with golden thread. He used to keep it with him on the darshan days.

Did you practise meditation when you were in Patan?

Yes. I meditated, read the Gita, and the Bhagavat Purana; I also did japa. Once Lele*, the Maharashtrian yogi, visited our house. He advised me to read Bhaktiyoga, the twelfth chapter of the Gita. He never ate food prepared by other people, and usually only took fruits. But once when he was staying at our neighbour Randal's bungalow, he said, "If Moti prepares the food, I will eat it." So that day I cooked for him. Champaklal and Lele took lunch together.

Did you have any spiritual experience with Lele?

Yes, I saw light on his head when I first met him.

Any other experiences?

Yes, I had many experiences, but I cannot describe them to you. My experience of seeing Light started at the age of seventeen. I saw a Light when my younger brother Mafatlal expired in Patan.

* Vishnu Bhaskar Lele. See Champaklal Speaks, Third edition, pp. 31-35.

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When Champaklal left his body in Jantral I saw a Light and heard his voice telling me, "Foiba, I am leaving." When Bansidhar was ready to leave for Jantral, he was hesitant to break the news of Champaklal's demise to me, but I said to him, "I know it."

I had an experience in the Playground on the day before Sri Aurobindo left his body. I had gone there to see the temple of the Mother arranged by the children, but I could not enjoy the programme. There was a constant feeling that Sri Aurobindo would leave his body soon.

I used to see visions quite often. In meditation I often saw Sri Aurobindo, the Mother and Lord Krishna. Once I saw the Mother as Amba Mataji. Whenever I was unwell I always saw the Mother's hand on my head.

Did you go to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother daily for Pranam ?

Yes, whenever I went for Pranam Sri Aurobindo put his whole hand on my head but the Mother just touched it.

Why did the Mother only touch your head? Didn't she love you?

No, no! Mother loved me equally, as much as Sri Aurobindo! She only touched my head so that my ego would not grow.

Will you tell me about your experiences on the Darshan days?

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The Darshan days! [Motiba's face became suffused with joy.] How can I describe something indescribable? When Sri Aurobindo put his hand on my head, I felt a deep peace. His touch was soft, velvety, featherlike. I did not want to raise my head!

As we can see Motiba had done an intensive and concentrated sadhana throughout her life. She was for me, the ideal example of a sincere sadhika. One felt peace, light and love in her presence.

My heartfelt gratitude goes to her for all the help she has been on the way.

Roshan

To be receptive is to feel the urge to give and the joy of giving to the Divine's work all one has, all one is, all one does.
- The Mother

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Bansidhar , Champaklal , Motiba , kantilal , 1932

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