The Maharshi

I. DEDICATION OF RAMANA-GITA-PRAKASHA

It was on the morning of the 10th of October, 1941 that I started for Tiruvannamalai taking the 7.40 a.m. train. Fortunately I got a compartment all to myself and after arranging my things I took the manuscript in order to check up and correct the possible slips therein; for when I was writing out the commentary I did not look back at what I wrote and so there were likely to be some slips... The train reached T. Malai in time, perhaps a few minutes before time; I took a Jutka⁶⁸ and it was 12.45 p.m. when I reached the Ashram. When the carriage turned to enter the Ashram I saw an arch in bold letters ’SRI RAMANASHRAMAM”-it was not there ten years ago when I last went there... I could not recognise the surroundings, that it was the Ashram. ..R took me to a building which I later learnt to be what they call the Office of the Sarvadhikari. When I turned to my left, the old lady Echhamma was sitting there with her usual rosary; being very old she invited me with nods; I expected change in her and for her age she did not look older.

I stood at the threshold of the Hall), one foot outside; somehow my legs would not move forward; the head hung down; feelings overpowered me, perhaps pent up for ages they now found their vent; I muttered something, with effort raised my head, moved forwards and saw the figure of Sri Maharshi reclining on the sofa as usual. Our eyes met. He nodded and said “Hm. Hm.", as if to say, “Why so much, why so much!” I prostrated myself and as I was doing so, he said to an attendant close by, "This is Kapali Sh...”. When I heard my name being uttered by Maharshi my mind jumped back to the old moments and there were corresponding emotional experiences. I spoke not a word and stood up; he asked me if I had taken food. "Yes", I replied, "I will take a little rice with butter-milk.

The train came just now? he asked.

Yes.

Come so soon?

I got the Jut⁶⁹ immediately.

You were expected. Then, just take food—you can have whatever you like.

There was a feeling of satisfaction and peace. I came out; to Echhamma who was waiting there I was not in a condition to speak.

It was now 3.5 P.M. when I went before Sri Maharshi. I handed the manuscript and prostrated myself before him, then approached him close, explaining to him how unlike in Sat-DarshanaBhashya I had closed the concluding portions with a conspectus of the work and an epilogue, in all twenty couplets. I further stated that in one of the couplets I had stated that my commentary is the lustre of the pearls which are the composition of Ganapati strung together on a thread which is the import of Sri Maharshi’s teachings. He graciously smiled; looking into that particular verse⁷⁰ he read it aloud appreciatively while I remained quite standing quite close by, as I had something else to tell him. I told him that I had written in the next verse that the work was offered on 10-10-1941 and as such it had to be offered then; but I had still to go through the book to find out if there were slips, as I had no time to look back as I went on writing the 243 pages continuously for twenty days and more, in addition to my routine work. “That can be done. Would you like to take it now?” He asked. “No, not now; when it is not being read it can remain with me”.

Then he asked me about the colophon; I told him I had left space to write a few words there.

“Yes, I shall write,” he said, "You can call it Bhashya.” “Anyway, as the Maharshi pleases," I replied.

But in the Introduction I had written the title as Ramana-Gita-Prakasha-Pithika. He immediately saw that and said “Then as you have already named it, you can call it so." Then he turned to the end of the book and wrote after Kapalinah krtih, prakashakhya vyakhya and filled up the world samapta. Then the Maharshi audibly read out the twenty couplets and significantly accented the last line: matrbhutamaheshaya Ramanaya namo namah. It looked from the manner of his reading as if he had read it before.

Just at the time when we were talking about the closing verses, a gentleman was standing outside whom the Maharshi could see through the side window. Addressing him he said, “Come in, here is come” (showing the book in his hand). In a minute I saw him entering the hall, coming closer to me. Pointing to him the Maharshi asked me, “Do you recognise who it is?” I looked at him scrutinisingly. "Ah, is it J...?” I exclaimed, for, with difficulty, I recognised him to be the same boy who used to come twenty-eight years ago at the Virupaksha cave when we were meeting at the feet of Sri Maharshi. Afterwards he went out, studied Vyakarana and specialised in Vedanta; later he became Pundit in the Shankara Mutt at Kumbhakonam. Later, once I saw him sitting mute in a corner of the hall at the Maharshi’s, but that was only for a few minutes in a crowded gathering ten years ago. We had no opportunity even then to converse. It seems he had to leave the Mutt due to some misunderstanding and a few months back he came to Tiruvannamalai and is making a temporary stay. Sri Maharshi’s question to me was significant; the significance was lost upon me at that time. Later I came to know it when people told me about the extraordinary crisis which would have easily led to a fatal end.

How is it he looks so weak? I asked.

“He is very healthy and strong now," Maharshi replied, "If you had seen him a fortnight ago... Oh! Everyone thought he would not live. There was only bone and skin. Now, somehow he is there."

Sri T. K. Sunderesha Iyer and Sri A. R. Duraiswami gave me some details about the crisis. There was a general talk and every one was saying that it was an extraordinary thing that J. was alive today. A few months back he was seriously laid up in bed with complicated illness including temperature. Later it was found to be cancer in the abdomen; and, as is well known, medical science has not definitely succeeded in finding a cure for cancer and he was given up for lost. He was taken to the hospital from his lodgings, doctors were changed and one of the doctors, a local man who seems to be a devotee of the Maharshi, is reported to have said that it was not a question of days but of hours being counted and humanly speaking there was no hope; but of course if he was to come back to life at all from his death-bed, then it could be only by the Maharshi’s help. Sri Maharshi kept quiet but asked them, significantly, to do something. Immediately, the doctor got unusual courage, did something which might mean anything and which proved that the advice of the Maharshi was not in vain and meant much more than what was said. Naturally, the boldest among the unbelievers pauses, bewildered.

My book was still in Sri Maharshi’s hands; he was glancing through the pages and as already said, read aloud the twenty verses concluding the book. Then he kept it on the shelf; J. who was sitting there wanted to see it. The Maharshi hinted that it was not ready to be seen; in fact he said to J. “He has yet to go through them once.” J. kept quiet for a minute, again he asked, “I shall just see only the Pithika.” Sri Maharshi found him obviously to be a little insensible; he looked at me, I was waiting to hear what he (M) would say, for that was an interesting situation; but J. came to the rescue of the Maharshi by almost removing the manuscript from the shelf repeating what he said a minute earlier. Sri Maharshi had to gracefully say “Yes”. Then J. took it and began to read.

He went on reading, then and there expressing his opinion or raising some objections, pausing and looking at me questioningly... On one or two occasions I met the objections as they apparently merited an answer. Later I directed him to go on whenever he stopped and I found his questions meaningless...While starting, I had a presentiment that some obstruction might present itself and I was determined not to give way to impatience and it is this attitude that helped and reminded me also of the significance of the flower Divine Solicitude which the Mother blessed me with when I took leave of her.

It was not J.’s fault if he could not follow the sense of certain passages. It is due to the unthinking habit of many of these people in cramming the standard works of Shastras. I had stated that the Sciences, in the world, were imperfect, continuously changing, developing, while the Science of the Atman is asserted by its sponsors to be not so. This idea was quite foreign to his culture. I would not say all Pundits are like that; my own Guru⁷¹ may be considered an honourable exception. But Sri Maharshi appreciatively nodded when the passage was read by J. himself. And the great Tamil scholar and poet Muruganar sitting by me (who by the way is not a Sanskrit Pundit) could not only follow but explain to J. what was meant. This was because the esteemed friend had a cultured mind.

After the Veda Parayana, conducted by Sri Raju Sastri in the evenings, was over, he (R) came to me; both of us were taken by the Saravadhikari to his office. Ordering the door to be bolted he looked around cautiously to see if there was any one who was not in his confidence; I believe there was none else excepting one or two other than we four, including T.K.S. Having assured himself that we were safe, he requested Raju Sastri to take out the thing; I was wondering what he was going to do. From the mandahasa (medium sized cupboard in which household idols are kept for worship), Raju Sastri took out a plate and handed it to him and he in turn placed it in my hand. It was a few inches square, but its weight betrayed to me the metal even before I saw it scrutinisingly; it was solid gold. The diagram was Sri Chakram; I saw the whole thing, it was neatly done. It cost a thousand rupees. Then there was another, a smaller plate; that too was taken out. The third one contained letters inscribed in the diagram; it was Subrahmanya Yantra. He spoke to me how he was able to get it all done, why so much care for safety had to be taken etc. We all came out and he took us to another hut where I was shown Meru in sila (solid rock). The workmanship was indeed quite fine. I do not remember to have seen such a big sized Meru in rock though I have myself worshipped one made of gold (small size).

October 11:

J. was reading the Fifth Chapter by now.

This is a chapter in which Maharshi gives a discourse on the subject of hrdaya of his own accord—not in answer to any question from any one—and this is a very important chapter, as the distinctive features of Sri Maharshi’s realisations are expressed in unequivocal terms. When a particular passage came, Maharshi asked me:

M: But is it called hrdayakasa or merely hrdaya (referring to anahata)?

K: I have written hrdayakasa for anahata also. My impression is that the anahata is also called hrdayakasa in some of the Tantric works.

Maharshi paused and looked at the meaning "Are you quite sure?"

K: Anyhow I shall note and find out; if necessary I shall quote the text.

M: Yes, that will be better.

After a minute, the full significance of Maharshi’s questioning became evident to me and then I said:

K: I think it is better, when there is so much doubt, to remove the akasa and simply call it hrdyam.

M: Yes, that is right.

Immediately, I took the manuscript from J. and removed the word akasa leaving it as hrdayam. Just here, there had to be a halt in the reading of the manuscript for the Maharshi began to speak about the ’Heart’ and there was general discussion in which he was the main speaker; he quoted many of the ancient texts from Tamil and Sanskrit to show that the hrdaya which he speaks of is the seat of the self. Located on the right side of the chest is the hrdayam of the Upanishads and it is recognised to be such by Appar and other Tamil saints whereas the hrdayam in the middle of the chest anahatam is called hrdayam by Tantrics and some of the yogins. But it is not hrdayakasa, it is only hrdayam, the Maharshi continued. He took out a manuscript of Rajayogasara of Nayana⁷² and read a few lines in Sanskrit stating that the pascanmarga hrdaya is on the backside while the puromarga hrdaya is in the front. Again he took a book in which he had written in his own hand some sentences in English culled from an American journal. That was the JOURNAL OF THE PSYCHOLOGICAL RESEARCH INSTITUTE started in 1872 in Philadelphia. It seems in 1931 there appeared in November or so (I do not remember the exact month) an article in it describing the heart, the true heart, to be on the right side and it was later confirmed in another article which appeared in 1934 in the same Journal. The sentences read by Sri Maharshi clearly conveyed the idea that the heart described was the deepest and the innermost psycho-physical and spiritual centre of man. The Maharshi said: "I made enquiries about it to get the whole article and that particular number of the journal and I think somebody also wrote to that address which I have noted here (pointing to the notebook in his hand), but nothing has been heard. Some one from Lahore said that he would try to get that number so that one could see the whole article and the means by which the experiment was carried out leading to the definite conclusion that the centre of the self or heart is located on the right side of the chest.”

In this connection I reminded Sri Maharshi of what some people once talked about this in light vein ridiculing the idea of hrdayagranthi. Indeed they, L and N, almost in the hearing of the Maharshi once asked me in 1931 “What your chest is not burst as yet?” The Maharshi replied, now in a jovial tone reminiscent of olden days"சொல்லட்டுமே பட்டால் தெரியும்” [They can afford to talk; but if one is hit (or caught in the net) then he can know.]

A.R.D. came and asked me to give him details of what went on in the hall when my manuscript was being read. I spoke tohim. He asked me to tell him more about Sri Maharshi’s remarks; whatever I had to say I did. When he asked me to give my impression, I frankly told him that the Maharshi was really gracious as usual but behind it a certain aloofness was visible throughout. "I do not know how long things have been going on this way,” I added.

A.R.D: It has been so far the past one year and a half.

K: What do you think it is due to?

A.R.D: Somehow there is withdrawal into himself, he is more and more indrawn. He does not turn to the side of the temple or look into other constructions. Formerly it was not so.

K: Yes I too observed it; he is in the hall practically always.

A.R.D: Did he make any personal enquiries when he first saw you?

K: Of course he did and very graciously asked me to take my food first and that is all. And afterwards when I was speaking to him about the work he very kindly heard me and made his very gracious remarks especially when I referred to my handwriting in Nagari script; he said, “Yes, you are not as much accustomed to wiite Nagari; if it were Telugu it would be diffcrent; even now it is quite all right, clear and legible, quite good. As for slips, it is always the case. We go on thinking that we have written letters and words which are quite often left out.

A.R.D: When the manuscript was being read, did he make any remark?

K: Quite many. In fact, he kept a copy of the text while closely giving his ears to the commentary being read and whenever there was variance in reading he drew our attention to it and wonderingly expressed: "How is it that such readings have crept in!’ In fact I had two different editions when I wrote the commentary. Sri Maharshi had two newer-one in Telugu and the other in Nagari, in addition to which he had by his side the original manuscript written by Nayana in 1917.

A.R.D: This is quite interesting and pleasing to me. But it is no wonder that he is so kind to you; in fact none of us has moved as you have done with him.

K: It is not exactly that; many may have done. What you say is perfectly true so far as I am concerned; I did move very closely with him and I have always considered myself to have received his special blessings. But what to do? I was destined for another way.

A.R.D: That is why I ask you if there was any talk between Sri Maharshi and yourself reviving old memories.

K: No. Even when there was occasion for it he kept simply quiet. It is from that I felt that there was a sort of aloofness. But I do not say that by his treatment of me he made me feel his aloofness.⁷³

October 12:

There was nothing important to note till I entered the hall... All who could follow Sanskrit were present. When all of them had come the Maharshi looked into my face as he knew already that I was to start and proceed with the reading. J. was previously informed about the propriety of leaving the author to read before the Maharshi for which purpose he had specially come. I had to take this course that day. I had given the word to the Mother that I would try to finish on Sunday itself. Now I questioned myself, have I tried ? Friday passed, so did Saturday and seven hous of Sunday have already passed; at best I could read to-day for five to six hours without disturbing the Ashram routine and regulations in the hall. In the previous three sittings J. was able to finish less than one-third of the whole. How to finish or even try to finish the remaining thirteen chapters? Moreover, there were portions where Sri Maharshi, I thought, might say something. I myself might have something to say. However, this train of thought passed by me and I did not think of it again. There was an unusual certainty that everything would go on all right...

I explained in Tamil what I had written about the value of contacts with great men...I tried to give the gist then and there... At one stage N, an old acquaintance, finding that to appeal to me might not be fruitful implored the Maharshi that I might be asked to expound it in Tamil also as so many were waiting in earnest. But Sri Maharshi smiled and said "Now! It will be already a great thing if he finishes even the Sanskrit reading.” Facing me he added, "How is it possible!” Then I said turning to the Maharshi, at the same time addressing N, that I would try to give a resume in the evening. Then they were satsified.

I was in the twelfth chapter and had read the first ten verses with the commentary. It was my chapter⁷⁴. When I was reading this, my body would not like to be seated; from the spine upwards there was an unusual force waking as it were. The whole clavicular region was being taken up; there was no feeling of the existence of the head. I was reading, still it was not I. The voice was going higher and higher, the range becoming wider and wider. When I came to the tenth verse somehow I stopped; it was just time too. I got up first, recited the first verse of my Anjali⁷⁵ to Sri Maharshi. Then I went on, every succeeding verse being recited with increasing force. Slowly I moved, reciting, facing the Maharshi and close to him. It was an unusual vastness in front of me; the body was light, airy as it were. I was not in meditation, I was doing things perfectly in normal consciousness, as it were; but this sight around me, this work within and without me was clearly not mine. There was no head whatever. When I finished I concluded it with the recital of the last two couplets of my epilogue to the Anjali. Sri Maharshi looked a little moved; that is my impression. The rest I did not note. He nodded approvingly when the last couplets came out of me as I was doing the salutation.

At night I had a long talk with A.R.D. His health by the way, looked far better than what it was when I last saw him at Pondicherry. Sri Maharshi himself was not looking as old as one would expect; in fact there was very little change in his body —I saw him after an interval of ten years—if at all, there was some improvement in his health.

October 13:

Sri Maharshi knew that I was to leave that day, as I had the previous evening informed him about my programme and I purposely retained the last chapter for this morning. Then I started reading (8 a.m.) and finished it by 90’clock. When I came to the verse nilaravinda⁷⁶ the Maharshi made a remark. Speaking for five to ten minutes, he stated, naming a gentleman, “He said that this verse is quite fit to be the Dhyana Shloka of the whole Gita”.

It is very significant that Sri Maharshi who had been silent so far, quoted here approvingly the opinion of another that this should be considered a verse appropriate to describe the Maharshi himself⁷⁷. There are two elements in the verse which I may note in passing: one is the blooming of the eyes. The other is the Silence by which Shiva as Dakshinamurti teaches his disciples.

Now one remarkable fact is when I started reading, it should have taken easily fifteen hours to finish the portion, at a modest rate. I do not know how it was done in six hours. The tone was loud; the throat was not affected and the pauses for rest were the minimum. All this—one can easily see, if he has eyes-is due to three factors: (1) the Maharshi understood that I was to finish and go; (2) I had the will and (3) the Mother was present--as she later confirmed.