The Working of Their Grace

Part 1

In 1918, when I was eleven, I went to my maternal uncle's place. He had built a new house. On the walls were hung the photographs of national leaders. On the second or third day, at about 10 a.m., my maternal uncle said, "Well, Bhanabhai (the writer's sister's son.)do you know all these great men? Come on." So saying he took me near the wall and said, "See, here is Gandhiji, here is Vallabhabhai Patel", and he went on reciting the names of the leaders. When we came near the photograph of Sri Aurobindo with Mrinalinidevi, he said enthusiastically, "Do you know him? He is a great revolutionary, Arvind Babu. He is manufacturing bombs in Pondicherry against the British Government." This was my first contact with Sri Aurobindo. It was strange talk, and little did I dream at that time that a day would come when I would accept him as my Guru, the incarnate Divine.

In 1924 I was studying at Poona. In the month of December, my father informed me that grandfather had expired. When I learnt this a question arose in my mind, "Why should one die?" For eight days I could sleep very little. The moment I went to bed the question stared me in the face. The same question had arisen when my mother had left her earthly home in 1917. I was too young. I could not find the solution.

Then came the year 1928. C came to visit D, a common friend. We—D, C, and I—went for a walk in the evening. All of a sudden C said, "Well, D, have you heard about the fall of Arvind Ghose? He has a lady friend and he drinks." This was the second time that I heard about Sri Aurobindo. Again the talk was rather strange. Some days later D and I visited C's place. He was reading. D asked, "What are you reading?" C replied, "I am reading Essays on the Gita by Arvind Ghose. These great men make a mountain out of a molehill." C spoke as if he knew much more than Sri Aurobindo. Vanity of vanities. This was the third time that the name of Sri Aurobindo fell upon my ears.

Came the year 1930. I was cleaning my dead-stock room. I came across Uttarapara Speech. It contained Sri Aurobindo's photograph. I read the title of the book and saw Sri Aurobindo's picture in it, but as I was not interested I put the book aside. It was a mystery how the book had found a place in my dead-stock room.

The year 1932 started. My friend D went to Pondicherry for the first time in August for the Darshan of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. By the end of the month he came back. On the 12th September he received Conversations with the Mother. When I went to his place on the 13th he said, "I received an excellent book yesterday from Pondicherry, I would like to read out some portions to you." He began to read the first chapter of the book. While reading we came across the following sentence:

"You will have to be patient and persistent and vigilant—sleepless, as the adepts say."

I was enamoured of the word "sleepless" so much that I decided then and there that I must have the book. In the evening of the same day or on the next I wrote to Nolini Kanta Gupta. I do not exactly remember the words, but I wrote to the following effect:

"I am not a student of Philosophy or Religion, but I want to know the Truth. Please send Conversations with the Mother if possible. Please convey my respectful Pranams to the Master and the Mother."

After posting the letter an idea struck me: "What relations have you established with the Master and the Mother that they should send you the book?" And I decided that I should not take it ill if the book was not sent. In fact I did not get the book then.

In the month of October the same year B, an inmate of the Ashram, came to stay with D. When I went to D's place in the evening he introduced B to me, saying "Here is my friend B, he is a disciple of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother." D introduced me to B saying, "Here is my best friend."

The year 1933 arrived. D was going to Pondicherry for the August Darshan. Before starting, he told me, "Darshan time is generally from 7 a.m. to noon. If you like, you may sit before the photos of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother and meditate and, if you like, write to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother for their blessings." D had given me small snaps of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

I wrote to them, praying for their blessings and I also said: "I would like to have your photos."

In answer I received a letter from Nolini Kanta Gupta dated 17-8-1933, saying:

"The Mother and Sri Aurobindo ask me to communicate to you their blessings. Mr. D will take with him the photos you have asked for."

This was my first direct contact with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

B came to D's place in September 1933. During our talk, I told him my experiences. He was pleased and advised me to ask for Conversations with the Mother. I wrote to the Mother for the book and then forgot all about it. After fifteen days or so, on 13-10-1933, I received by registered post the book, bearing a number and the Mother's autograph, with my name written by Her. I was so charmed that I covered the book with velvet. The book was not for public sale at that time but for private circulation only. It was put up for public sale in 1940, if I am not mistaken.

Whenever B came to our place, he brought with him some books of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. I read the books he brought with him. On reading Sri Aurobindo's books, I found that He was positive that Death was not a necessity and that man died because he had formed the habit of dying. When I read this, the question that had arisen on the death of my mother in 1917 and on the death of my grandfather in 1924 was answered. Up till now all saints and sages and even Avatars had said that whoever is born has to die. Here was Sri Aurobindo declaring that "Death was not a necessity". Naturally I found in Sri Aurobindo a haven of safety.

In April 1934 B came to our place. He had copied down the revised chapters of Karma Yoga in The Synthesis of Yoga. He said that he would allow me to copy the chapters if I obtained Sri Aurobindo's permission. I wrote to Sri Aurobindo, praying for permission to copy the chapters. I also wrote that I was born a Jain and that current Jainism taught that it would be a sin to eat potatoes and onions and everything that was termed "Kandmul." I expressed my desire to know whether it was a sin to eat these things and whether onions increase the guna of tamas (inertia) or not. In reply I got a letter dated 9-5-1934 from Nolini Kanta Gupta to the following effect:

"Sri Aurobindo says:—(1) You can copy the revised chapters of Karma Yoga.(2) You can copy whatever you find useful to you.(3) There is no sin at all in eating the things you speak of. The only objection to eating much onion is that it is supposed to stimulate the guna of rajas, not that of tamas; but there are other foods not forbidden that also do that."

In September 1934 B was at our place. At that time the Prayers and Meditations of the Mother had not been published. The sadhakas copied them down from typescript with the permission of Sri Aurobindo. The same was the case with the Messages. B had copied down the Prayers and Messages. He asked me to get the permission of the Mother if I wanted them. I wrote to the Mother. In reply I received a letter dated 14-9-1934 from Nolini Kanta Gupta: "Sri Aurobindo says in answer to your prayer to the Mother that you can copy the Prayers and the Messages."

In 1935, I suffered from a growth of bone in the tip of the third finger of my right hand. In Gujarati it is called a "khiti". The pain is unbearable. One weeps and groans. My doctor advised an operation. But that meant cutting down a portion of the finger. I did not like it. I used to apply hot onion in the hope that the skin would burst and relieve me. Nothing happened.

On the fourth or fifth day, I went to a celebrated Ayurvedic practitioner, a Vaidya, and asked him to give me or prescribe a paste, by applying which I might be relieved of the pain. The Vaidya said, "You are an educated man. Don't you know that in the body the skin of the finger tips is the toughest? You have to get yourself operated upon." I said, "I do not want that." He said, "Then suffer. You shall have to get yourself operated upon in the end. So if you seek my advice, go to a doctor immediately and get the operation done." I refused. I came back home disappointed. Then an idea struck me: "Why not write to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo and seek their protection?"

It was not possible for me to write with my right hand; so I wrote to Sri Aurobindo with my left. I stated my condition, the Vaidya's advice, the doctor's confirmation of it and my decision not to get operated upon; I prayed to Him to do the needful. I wrote, "I rely on You and the Mother alone." I finished the letter at about 11 a.m. Then I put it before the photographs of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother for half an hour. At 11.30 I went to the post office and posted it. Hardly four and a half hours had passed when, with the letter still in the post office, the miracle happened. The skin burst and the bone came out of itself. At that time a Vaidya from a nearby village had come. He gave me some powder. I applied the powder and the finger was healed. In this way the Grace of the Gurus acted.

Now the year 1936. My brother and I separated in June. We had gone to our native place. When I returned to my place of business, I had only Rs. 40/- in cash with me. My wife said, "Rice, wheat and dal have to be bought." At that time we could get the goods on credit. So these things were bought on credit. I had still to pay Rs. 260/- to the landlord. My wife said, "What will you do? We have no money." I said, "Why worry, the Mother is there. I expect two things to happen and we shall get the necessary sum." The first thing happened, but the second did not and so I did not get the money. On the 18th June the landlord came and asked for the rent. I said, "Please come on the 1st July." When the landlord had gone, my wife said, "Your expectation has not come true. You have promised the landlord to pay on the 1st; how are you going to pay?" My reply was: "That is Mother's business." Days went by and the 29th June came. My wife asked me, "As yet there is no sign of money coming; what will you do?" I said, "Mother will send the necessary amount." And actually it happened. During the later part of the 29th I got Rs. 260/- the necessary sum. Not a pie more, not a pie less. The landlord came on the 1st July and I gave him the amount. From that day my wife has an unshakable faith in the Mother and the Master.

The period between 1933 to 1936 was a golden period. By the Mother's Grace, I became conscious of my nights. I could remember my dreams in detail. In sleep my self was divided into two parts. One part acted in the dream, the other watched. If the active part was doing something which ought not to be done, the watching part interfered and stopped the other from doing the undesirable thing. At times I would wake up to ease nature. Then the dream would stop. But the moment I went to sleep again the dream would start from the point where it had stopped.

Even though I do not know the Sanskrit language and have no aptitude for poetry, I used to recite Sanskrit slokas in sleep for the whole night and sometimes I used to recite lines after lines of English poetry for the whole night.

During this period, I wrote a very long letter to my uncle's son, explaining to him what Sri Aurobindo's Yoga was.

From the first, on seeing the Mother's photograph, love had welled up in my heart and I adored Her as the Divine Mother. I wrote in my diary a phrase in Gujarati, which would run in English: "Let the Mother be pleased and automatically the Lord will be pleased."

This was in 1934. Once when I was sitting before the photograph of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother at about 10 p.m. I saw that the pupils of the Mother's eyes were moving. There was a living Presence.

Once I was sitting before the photograph and reading The Mother. I came across the following sentence: "...and it is only the very highest supramental Force descending from above and opening from below that can victoriously handle the physical Nature and annihilate difficulties." I stopped reading, closed my eyes and began to ponder over what I had read. After some time, the picture of Gangavataran flashed before my eyes and the meaning became clear.

The year 1937 brought several spells of despondency, abysses of despair, lethargy, inertia and its brood. The lower nature welled up. I did not like to sit for Puja or meditation. I felt dry. Nothing pleased me. On 28.2.1937 I heard the following: "The Divine is not a thing to be trifled with."

B and D came to our place in April. B said, "Let us read something from Conversations." I began to read Chapter 4. We came across the following:

"...for then, if you are without the Divine, the very source of your action disappears; knowledge, power, all are gone. But so long as you feel the powers you use are your own, you will not miss the Divine support."

I did not understand the last two lines. I asked B to explain them. He was not able to do so. B asked D to explain. He failed also.

As I was passing through a period of despair, I wrote a letter to Sri Aurobindo on 16.4.1937 describing my condition. With the letter I enclosed a copy of the letter I had written to my uncle's son. I also prayed to Sri Aurobindo to explain the lines quoted above.

I received a note from the Ashram on 30.4.1937. Sri Aurobindo says in reply to your letter of 16.4.1937:

"Very often the earlier stage of the sadhana is successful, because there is an opening of the mind to the first workings of the Force—afterwards the lower vital consciousness and the physical rise up and if these are not ready or inclined for the sadhana, it ceases. The sadhaka has first to purify and open them and call the Force to work there and make all ready until he can bring the true consciousness and experience there. Yoga implies a long and difficult work and one must be ready to accept the necessity of years of preparation and purification and increasing consecration before the greater results can come."

As regards the passage in the Conversations Sri Aurobindo says:

"It means that in the full spiritual consciousness the sense of separate existence and my and mine disappears. All depends upon the Divine and exist only by the Divine. The ordinary consciousness does not feel or miss this Divine support, because it takes as its own the knowledge and power that are given to it; it is quite satisfied with that and is not aware of the Divine Existence behind it or the Divine Force and Knowledge."