Letters to Vasudha and Chandulal
The Mother : correspondence
THEME/S
Letters To My Little smile
My dear maman,
I spent the morning hours (drawing with Tara) on the gown which she is going to embroider; and the afternoon hours I spent on the sari.
In this sari with red roses my maman looks like " a fairy in a rose garden'.
Your little smile
Here is a lovely comparison, worthy of the sari which is really very beautiful.
March 26, 1933
Here is the promised news: Today I have become the owner of the house in which you live.
In two months work will begin and the first thing will be to break down the wall separating your house from the adjacent ground which will then be made into a beautiful garden. What do you think of that ?
March 29, 1933
So we shall have a fine garden before us. I like gardens. Today I worked on the sari for 9 hours.
I also have news for you — you shall have your beautiful sari with chrysanthemums within a month.
Your child
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Bravo! here is work done fast and well.
March 30,1933
I think I shall not be able to give you the sari on the 24th of April. Perhaps you know that Sarala has given me some work which will take 2 or 3 days and she has told me that you want to have this gown as soon as possible. So I must stop my work on the sari. Today I felt rather unhappy, because I had a strong desire to bring the sari to you on the 24th of April; Maman, you know why ? Because you are starting your 14th year here (1920-1933) and this is my 14th sari. But now I think that it will not be possible. I have already begun the work received from Sarala.
It was only after having given it to you that Sarala told me of this work, and she told me it was only a matter of a few hours. Otherwise, I would have told her that you were busy, that you wanted to finish the sari before the 24th of this month and that you had no time for anything else. What to do now ? Don't you think Tara could do this embroidery so that you would not have to interrupt your work ? You have taken so much trouble and you have worked so much! I would be glad if you could come on the 24th with the sari, since it would make you happy; but on the other
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hand it is not good if you have to rush. In any case we can decide on one thing: anyway you will come on the 24th and you will bring your beautiful sari, even if it is not finished; and in that event, you will take it back at once and finish it at home peacefully.
April 4, 1933
No, maman, it was not the idea, coming to you on the 24th of April, but that of finishing a thing and offering you a beautiful piece of work, a thing absolutely complete, on that great day, on Easter Day. I would not be happy to offer you something incomplete, and after having offered it, to take it back, neither....
If I want to offer it to you on the 24th of April I need only work more than usual. That's all.
You must not strain. You already work a great deal.
This afternoon after two o'clock I heard you playing the organ; it was so sweet and peaceful; I have never heard such fine music.
This evening at 5.30 I saw you going from the storeroom to your room with Chinmayi — I came to my window, but you did not see me.
While going to the store-room I gazed at you for a long time; but you were working so assiduously that you did not raise your head; while returning from the
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store-room, I looked at you again; but you were still at work and did not raise your head. You probably felt my gaze but by the time you lifted your eyes I had already left and was just going in.
The embroidery that I have done for your gown is very fine, there are very tiny roses which are very very
pretty; I love these little roses.
April 5,1933
Have you seen my little roses on your gown ? Are they nice ?
They are most lovely! It is impossible to say which is the original and which the copy, and it might very well be that the copy is lovelier. Did you see that I was wearing the gown when I went for a walk on the terrace ?
April 6,1933
Today I prayed to you with my body for 9 hours. Maman, for the past two days ( yesterday and today) I have been feeling a little tired, my hands have become rather slow.
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Don't you think it would be a good idea for you to take a little rest ? That is, either a full day's rest, or decrease by two hours the hours of work each day ?
April 13, 1933
No, I don't want to take a rest. Today I have prayed with my body for 10 hours.
Then use Coue's1 method and repeat, "I am not tired, I cannot be tired because I am protected."
April 14, 1933
Sarala told me this morning that next Sunday you are going to iron the "Chrysanthemums" (sari ) with her — it will be a great day! As I shall see you alone on the 24th and as it is a long time since I have seen Tara, I have asked her to come with you this morning at 11 o'clock.
April 20, 1933
Today I prayed to you with my body for 8 hours.
1 Èimile Coué (1857-1926), French pharmacist and psychotherapist.
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The embroidery is completed; now I have started cutting out the cloth under the sari.
And while cutting out the cloth, you are saying to yourself: if instead of this I had a sufficiently big frame I would not have all this bothersome work to do and also the embroidery would be more beautiful on both sides....
I know, my little smile, but you must have a little more patience; I am confident that it will be possible to do something so that your dream may be realised.
April 21,1933
You know that I shall bring you the sari next Monday at 11 o'clock. That's all, I have no other news to
give you.
It is enough news for one day....
April 22, 1933
My maman,
My sari and I are both of us completely ready.
That's all.
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And I shall receive you both with great pleasure at 11 o'clock this morning.
April 23,1933
Today I worked from 1.30 to 6 o'clock. I worked on the sari (one corner of one of your saris) for 3 hours and the rest of the time I did my gardening and showed Bala and Subhadra how to do their work; Bala is making a carpet and Subhadra a blouse for Mother.
It is very good — if you continue you will soon have a little school of embroiderers.
April 24, 1933
Today I worked on the sari for 7 hours; and for
1 hour I did gardening.
Tomorrow tell me what plants you have in your garden.
April 28, 1933
I have 11 rose-trees, one plant of "eternal smile"'
1 Hibiscus miniatus
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and one of tuberose; altogether I have 13 plants in my garden.
April 29, 1933
Soon you will have a big garden before you.
April 30,1933
Since yesterday evening I have a cold, today also all day I have felt my head heavy and my eyes burning and I have some sort of pain in the throat. Today I could work a little. This evening I could not eat my meal.
You should ask for "potassium chlorate" at the dispensary for gargling your throat.
You could also drink a good infusion of verbena quite warm ( they have verbena at the dispensary ).... And sleep as much as you can.
May 4, 1933
I did not know you had learnt knitting—that's one more skill acquired.
May 10, 1933
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Today I prayed to you with my body for 6 hours only.
And what did you do the rest of the time ? May 14, 1933
I saw the workmen enter your house. So they are working there? Have you given the measurements for your embroidery frame?
May 20, 1933
Next Monday Lakshmi is going to move. I shall then get her room repaired, as well as the other two if necessary — then Tara can come to live there. Now, if you prefer not to be alone in the house I can ask Tara to move on Monday afternoon.
May 27,1933
/ don't think I am alone, I am sure that you are with me. Today I worked for 4 hours.
It's good, my child; it is quite true that I am always near you.
May 28,1933
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Today I have nothing to write to you. Yes, let me know when you have something for me for ironing or
cutting.
It is very sweet of you and I shall surely not forget your lovely proposal.
May 31,1933
This evening I ate my food as usual.
That's all. What else ?
I am happy to learn that you are all right now. You should rest a day or two.
June 5, 1933
Thai's all. What else ?
I am going to try to get electricity set up for you as soon as possible.
June 7, 1933
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It seems we have to wait ten days more for getting the electricity connected.
June 8, 1933
Chandulal is going to make your frame with fine new wood, it seems.
June 9, 1933
Yes, Chandulal told me today that this evening the frame would be fully ready.
Today I worked for 9 hours on the blouse.
Little smile, do not go up to the point of fatigue.
June 10,1933
I not only work all day but I want to work as much as I can with the hope that I shall not be tired. If I don't work all day and every day how can I make so many beautiful and big things that I want to make for my dear, dear Maman ? How will my dreams be fulfilled if I waste my time ?
Maman, do you know ? I am going to embroider large curtains for your room. You had told me once that the
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Japanese cover the walls of their rooms with curtains fully embroidered.
You are right, nothing is better than realising our most beautiful dreams and nothing makes us stronger and happier!
June 11,1933
It seems I shall see you tomorrow morning.
June 12,1933
You never tell me anything about your visit, the day you come to see me.
June 13,1933
My dear, dear maman,
Yes, I shall tell you orally during my next visit all that I felt and thought yesterday, 13.6.33. It will be better to do it orally. It is a bit difficult to explain it here, in this notebook; and especially it is because I want to speak to you.
It is very good, I am very eager to hear you speak.
June 14,1933
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June 21,1933
page-48
What a beautiful house you are going to have, all white and tidy, my little smile!
June 15,1933
Yes, maman, I shall have a beautiful house all white and clean and how I wish to have all my thoughts and all my acts all white (pure) and clean!
You will have them, my little smile, as surely as you have the house clean and pure.
June 16,1933
And maman, do you know ? It is I who ironed these two blouses, without spoiling them; it is the first time I have ironed a blouse. Maman, give me a "bravo". Tomorrow I am going to start the other grey blouse.
It is worth much more than a "bravo" ! This morning I was literally filled with admiration. It is magnificent; the birds are so beautiful and so living; I found their little heads with the lovely little silver aigrette very pretty, much prettier than on the original. The little diamonds also are very nice, and in silver on the sari it will be magnificent.
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Where did you iron ? It is good that you are learning.
This morning I have cut a chemise for you — it is the first time that I have cut a chemise. K. will sew it and when it is ready you will wear it. Then you will tell me whether it is well cut or not. Because if it is well cut I can cut other things without any hesitation.
Today also I worked the whole day.
I am very happy that you have learnt to do that too. What do you mean by: "the whole day" ? I hope it is not more than 9 hours, because that was already a big chunk and cannot be increased.
June 26,1933
...Maman, since this morning I have pain in the pupil of my left eye.
Your smile
You should wash your eye with quite warm boric water, thrice a day; and do less embroidery for two or three days. Do just as I tell you and remember that your work depends almost exclusively on your eyes. If your eyes were to get spoilt in any way, it would be the end of fine embroideries !... When you have pain, close your eyes for some minutes covering them with
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the palms of your hands ( without pressing ). You will see, it gives much relief.
June 27,1933
Yesterday evening I washed my eye and after having written to you, that is, this morning, when I got up, my eye was completely all right. Now there is no pain in my eye. Maman, I think it was due to some dust. These days there is a lot of dust, in the house, in our rooms and surely in the street also and when the wind blows all the dust goes into the eyes. Today also I worked the whole day.
Yes, it is surely due to dust. That is why, as long as the workmen are there in the house, it will be better to give the eyes a good bath with quite warm boiled water before going to bed. Doesn't Tara have a kerosene stove ? It is very easy to boil water on it, then let it cool down to the temperature the eye can bear without getting burnt ( about 50"C ).
June 28, 1933
The whole day passed happily. I have received the cloth from Datta.
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That's all. What else?
Mother's love for her little smile.
July 1,1933
Yes, maman, I know well that always you have love for your little smile; but what I would like is to have love for you — what I want you to give to your little smile is a pure love for you, ever growing more and
more.
Your little smiling child
Yes, dear little child that knows how to smile, you already love your maman well who loves you, and you will love more and more, better and better.
July 2, 1933
Today I worked all day.
Maman, my foot is still swollen; why is this illness not leaving me ? What to do in order to cure it ?
When you take exercise, it is better, isn't it ? If so, you should start taking a little exercise.
July 3, 1933
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But is it not enough if I walk ( in my house ) for an hour every day ? Because I prefer walking for an hour to taking exercise for ten minutes.
Yes, on condition you really do it.
Today I have pain in my foot when I walk and when I stand.
Keep your leg stretched as long as you can.
July 4,1933
I shall walk every day for an hour; yesterday evening also I walked.
I would like to know if there is less pain in your leg. love
July 5,1933
Yes. there is no pain in my leg now; but it is not
yet cured; it is swollen as before.
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After remaining in the lying position for a time, at night for instance, does the swelling in the leg go away or does it always remain the same ?
July 6,1933
It remains the same; even after remaining in the lying position all night, there is no difference....
July 7,1933
Today I worked all day. That's all. What else ?
My love for my little smile. How is your foot ?
July 8, 1933
Yes, my foot is better.
July 9, 1933
How beautiful your rooms are, seen from afar, with the electric lamps !
July 10, 1933
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What, maman, what do you want me to write ? I am going to alter the second pair of shorts also.
I have seen the shorts, they are very well made. Chandulal was quite proud!
July 12, 1933 ½
This morning I rose at 5 o'clock. From 5 o'clock in the morning up to 6 o'clock in the evening it makes
13 hours.
6 ½ hours — / worked on the blouse.
1 hour — for making Chandulal's shorts.
1¾ hours—English class (Purani).
½ hour — / showed Amia how to sew a Chinese coat
for you.
½ hour — / rested in the afternoon. 1 hour — for my meals in the morning and at midday. . 1 hour — for pranam. ¾ hour — for my toilet.
Little smile has a well-occupied day and I find it very well organised too.
love
July 18,1933
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I got the lamp this morning, it is very beautiful. It is fun now working into the night with this lamp.
I have seen the new lamp near the window. Where could they have put the plug, in your room or in the hall ? And if it is in the hall, how have you managed to bring the lamp up to there ?
It looked very nice from the window.
July 22,1933
The trouble that one thus takes for another never goes in vain. The result may not appear immediately, but, one day or the other, a disinterested action bears its fruits.
July 26, 1933
She must be very careful while using it, for it is a very costly machine (sewing machine) and it would be quite troublesome if it were to be spoilt. In this connection I wanted to tell you that if someone (whoever it might be) comes to ask you about using this machine, you must refuse. You will say: Mother does not allow. I want only you and Tara to use it—nobody else.
July 29, 1933
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I shall tell you how I usually pass my evenings. After seeing you go up on the terrace, I go to have my food; then I return home and I write my letter to you; then sometimes I wash our clothes (Tara's and mine; sometimes Tara washes them). Then I walk for an hour; then usually I prepare my lesson and I go to bed. But last night after my walk, that is at 9.30, I helped Tara to sew with the machine until a quarter past ten. Then I worked at the machine until a quarter to twelve; then I prepared a little my lesson and at 12.30 I went to bed.
You should not get into the habit of going to bed late like that. It is not good, you would soon spoil your eyes, and then that would be the end of beautiful embroideries. The nerves too get tired and one does not have the sure hand and the accurate movement any more, one loses one's patience and one's tranquillity and the work one does is not careful and exact any more;
everything becomes an "à peu pres" and one must give up all hope of reaching any kind of perfection. I don't think this is the result you want to arrive at!
July 31, 1933
Then I shall sleep seven hours as you had asked me to. The machine interests us and that is why we like
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working even at night. But now we shall work only all day, and not at night.
I have asked Chandulal to give me my. large table so that I may start tracing the design on your sari, I am impatient, I want to start it before the 15th August.
What else?
I have done what is necessary so that the table may be finished quickly. I am very happy at your resolution to sleep seven hours. It is good.
August 1, 1933
Maman, I want to buy these strings, because I need them for my embroidery frame. If you give me the money I shall buy them....
I shall most gladly give you the money for buying the strings, but you must tell me the amount you need.
August 4, 1933
Yesterday I got my big table and today I have already started drawing the design on the sari.
How do you find the table ? You have not told me. August 5, 1933
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Dear maman,
Today all day I worked on your skirt and I worked a little on the sari.
I don't know what else I can write to you.
We talked together sufficiently today, we have nothing left to write to each other.
August 11, 1933
Maman, the sari you had put on this morning has only one corner embroidered and the other is not embroidered. If you give it to me I shall embroider the other corner because it does not look nice, one corner embroidered and the other without any embroidery.
My little smile has guessed what I wanted to do. I have just put the sari aside to be given to you so that you can embroider the blank comer which does not look nice !
August 12, 1933
Today I did not work; I shall start -from tomorrow. Your child
I think you were proud today of your superb sari.
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It is truly regal; as for me, I was proud of my little smile and her beautiful work!
August 15, 1933
From today I have given up my English class. You want some good news, no? Then here it is:
Today I have completely finished tracing the design on the grey sari.
Yes, it is a good news. I kiss you.
August 20, 1933
I have started fixing the sari on the embroidery frame and tomorrow this work of fixing the sari will be over. And then I shall start the embroidery. I have nothing else to write to you because I work in my room all alone and I go to no one's house except when it is for doing some work for you (that is, to Datta, or sometimes to Meenakshi or T. or L. or Tajdar for some work) nor can anyone come to my house. So I have only the news of my work to give you.
You are most hard-working and diligent, and if you have nothing to tell me except the news of your work,
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I have to tell you all my affection for my beloved little smile.
August 22,1933
It is very troublesome for you, my dear little smile! But it is exactly the image of life in which one must constantly undo what is done, in order to do it better.
August 24, 1933
On the grey sari I worked for 5 hours and a half, and on the brown sari—I have done the flowers in silk — I worked for 2 hours and a half.
Nothing, except that you work much and that all my affection is with you.
August 31, 1933
I don't feel that I work; I just play like a child all day with the marvellous toys which my maman has given me to play with all day long. I don't know how to write in another way and that is why I write to you "I worked" instead of "I played".
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September1, 1933
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Maman, this sari that you put on today is, I think, my "finest" embroidery. Don't you think so?
It is a work of art. It is simply splendid. I feel I am clothed in light. By the way, I am, unfortunately, compelled to give it for washing. But I think it would be better if you went and helped Datta. It will be safer. Chinmayi says that to prevent the thread-colour running down while drying, it is better to dry it holding the two ends and shaking. She is offering to help you in that if you wish and if you let her know at what time the sari will be washed.
September 1,1933
You have the news of the sari, you have the news of my neck (I have some pain). I have ironed the sari.
I have unfortunately learnt the news of your neck trouble too late to ask you to put off the washing of the sari. I am sorry that you have had all this work to do just on a day when you were not too well.
Yes, I have learnt what has happened to the sari. But I think we can manage that all right; I shall talk to you about it when I see you next time. If there
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is pain in the neck, you must rest one full day to allow it to become completely all right.
September 3,1933
I rested today and now my neck is completely all right.
Tomorrow I shall start working on the grey sari. Maman, the sleeves of this "chrysanthemum" blouse
are too tight, aren't they ? So you must give it to me to make them a bit wider.
I think I prefer keeping them like that. My arms are a bit fat at the moment, that is why it is difficult to pass them through the sleeves. But it will not necessarily be so always.
September 4,1933
Then tomorrow I shall write a letter to Kanta and I shall tell her how our frame buckled when the sari was fixed. But I need an envelope with a stamp.
You must ask Kanta for an exact sketch of the way
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the frame is made, because a description does not serve any purpose, it is too vague.
Amrita will give you the envelope and the stamps.
September 14,1933
The day before yesterday D. had come to call Tara, and he told me that when he sees people doing embroidery here in the bazaar, he is reminded of us.
So I asked him whether people here embroidered saris also, because if they did, I want to know how they embroider and how the sari frames are made and how they fix the sari on the frame; it will be very useful for us.
So today he came to my room and he told me that here also people embroidered saris on small frames without any cloth underneath and that he had seen the frame too.
Surely it is much better to embroider without any cloth underneath, it is much more beautiful. The beautiful Japanese and Chinese embroideries are always done without any cloth underneath and generally, the Japanese embroideries have no right side and wrong side. That is to say, they are absolutely identical on either side. The embroideries that they do here are, I think, quite coarse.
September 23,1933
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This morning I received a letter from Kanta. I am sending it to you with my notebook.
Maman, the bird and the diamonds on the grey sari look very. beautiful at night under the electric light.
Yes, I suppose it must be magnificent. I have read, or rather Sri Aurobindo has read to me Kanta's letter.
September 25,1933
Vasudha,
Is it true that you have, in spite of my formal orders, washed your room by throwing water on the floor ? I hope that it is not true, for I should be very sorry if you have acted that way. Throwing water on the floor seriously damages the construction and must not be done on any pretext, especially in houses which belong to us and which have to be treated with special care. I count on you to take a special care of the house so that henceforth nothing may spoil it.
September 28, 1933
Henceforth I will not do things you do not want.
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Do not be angry with me.
I am not at all angry and am very glad to learn that in future you will do what I ask you to do.
Since yesterday I have started doing the exercises from the book you gave to Chandulal. This evening I shall finish the first page. It is very interesting.
If you want you may send them to me for correcting.
September 29, 1933
Today I worked on the sari the whole day. I shall bring you something else also. What is it,
maman, guess !
(It is the grey blouse with three birds.)
That way it is not very difficult to guess! !...
October 10,1933
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Today I worked on the grey sari the whole day. Tomorrow I will have many things to tell you.
So much the better! Will you tell them to me in French ? I like to hear you speak French.
October 11, 1933
Today also I worked the whole day. Maman, this evening I shall start the third lesson in the grammar book.
You spoke well in French this morning. You are making much progress now. What did you feel or think during the music ? You did not tell me.
October 12, 1933
I have started doing a small design with gold and silver thread on a handkerchief; tomorrow I shall send it to you for you to see.
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It is so sweet of you!
October 14,1933
Today I worked the whole day. Maman, I don't know what to write.
I am still thinking of this morning's beautiful handkerchief.... It is a work of art.
October 15,1933
I am working on the grey sari. What else ? What can I write to you ?
Just a word is enough to keep the contact, and when you have something interesting to tell me you must do so.
October 16,1933
Today also I worked on the grey sari. Maman, what to write ?
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October 23, 1933
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Obviously you are too busy to have time to write at length. It seems you want to begin a new sari and you would like to do it with irises ? I have a magnificent drawing and also an idea for a new arrangement which will be, I think, original and beautiful. I shall show and explain all this to you on Thursday when you come.
Today also I worked on the sari for 10 hours. That's all.
10 hours! It's amazing.... But don't you think it is really too much.? What difference would it make if the third bird is not completely finished when I come ?
October 30,1933
I am happy. Tomorrow I shall start the apron. What else?
You have a most beautiful house, most comfortable and pleasing, plenty of space, plenty of air, and the working arrangements are truly convenient. I was very glad to see all that.
November 1, 1933
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