Blessed are those

Amrita's first darshan of Sri Aurobindo

Extracts from the book 'Reminiscences'

In 1905 I came to Pondicherry for study. In 1910 Sri Aurobindo also arrived here. What a coincidence! He came to the very town where I had come! I was full of joy thrilled with delight.

A strong desire arose in me that I must see Sri Aurobindo. He had been there in our town for six months, very few knew of His arrival, but I knew of it in the third day itself.

***

(...) Two years passed by.

Finally one day, at about 6 in the evening, my friend Krishnaswamy Chettiar and I started from Muthialpet, a suburb of Pondicherry, - near about our present Sports Ground and proceeded towards the beach where Sri Aurobindo's house stood.

***

When Chettiar and I approached Sri Aurobindo's house we found the door bolted. We both knocked at it with some hesitation. All on a sudden the door opened and was left ajar. Sri Aurobindo had come quietly and turned back immediately as the door opened it looked as if he did not want to let us have the glimpse of His face.

In that fading twilight only His long hair hanging gracefully upon His back and His indescribably beautiful small feet caught my eyesight! My heart throbbed within me as though I had been lifted up into the region of the gods! It took me long to come back to normal composure.

***

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Sri Aurobindo's birthday was drawing near - August 15, 1913. I requested Iyengar once more. I appealed to him to take me to Sri Aurobindo on His birthday. He replied, wonderful to say, in a consenting tone. I felt an immense joy.

***

I was soon called in. I got up and approached Sri Aurobindo's table. From the ceiling hung a hurricane-lamp that served to dispel the darkness only partially. Going round Sri Aurobindo by way of pradaksina I stood in His presence with joined palms and made my obeisance to him. Sri Aurobindo's eyes, it seemed, burned brighter than the lamp light for me; as He looked at me, in a trice all gloom vanished from within me, and His image was as it were installed in the sanctum sanctorum of my being. Nothing was very clear to me. I went behind him, stood again in front, offered my homage to Him and not knowing whether to stay or go I staggered perplexed. Sri Aurobindo made a gesture with His heavenly hands to one of those who stood there. A sweet was given me once again. I felt within that He had accepted me though I did not quite know it. I left Sri Aurobindo's house and proceeded towards my own.

***

One day, it was noon. I proceeded as usual to Sri Aurobindo's house. No human voice was heard as I walked down the street. The sun was at the meridian; it was all lustre. So extraordinary was its light that nothing could keep hiding in the places lit up wide by it; all must come to light... Unaccountably joyful, I entered Sri Aurobindo's house. I found Bejoykanta waiting in the verandah downstairs and, on seeing me, he called me to him, his face smiling. I too approached him with a heart full of delight, not knowing why. He then said, "I told Sri Aurobindo about you and also told Him about your strong desire to see Him." (Nowadays we say, "to have darshan.") Bejoykanta added, "I was just thinking how and through whom to send for you. Come up, let's go..." It was for the first time I got up to the first floor of Sri Aurobindo's house. In the long verandah overlooking the wide courtyard below, there

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were big windows giving a wide view southwards... all the doors of all the rooms were open... Everywhere and on everything there fell an all-revealing light, nothing but light... nothing was seen covered or screened, nothing was unrevealed... no spots hidden from light... My heart too, unwittingly, with no doors to close or conceal anything, free of confusion or perplexity, wide open, soared up in sheer delight! I was in this state and Sri Aurobindo stood there, His eyes gazing southwards .... His small feet appeared to my eyes as two red lotuses. His hair partly hung on His chest, partly on his back. It was still wet from His bath; water dripped from its ends. His bare, broad chest shone in great beauty ... His divine gaze did not yet turn towards me...

Bejoykanta got up first, I followed him, reached the head of the long corridor and, as I just stood there, Sri Aurobindo, who was about 20 feet away, turned His eyes upon me. Whether I walked to Him or took a leap to Him, I do not know. What I remember is that a lamp was lit everywhere in me and I saw in a spontaneous and automatic movement in front of me an intense celestial beauty. My being unknowingly swam, as it were, in a sea of silence, it fell prostrate at the lotus feet of the Master, it, did not utter "My Refuge, my Refuge," but lay there body, life and mind all together in a single block. Sri Aurobindo touched me with His flower-like hands and made me stand up. I drank the drink He gave me. That eternal sight still lives in my memory in the same form. I do not know why I burst into sobs as I clasped Him. Tears streamed down from my eyes. (...)

Courtesy: Sri Aurobindo Ashram Trust, Puducherry

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