Blessed are those

"What you are experiencing is the Divine

Mother"

- Bhaga

My own memories with the Mother are of a quite different kind, I imagine, in fact than of most people who have been actually living with Her, at least for some time. I myself came to Auroville in 1972, in a very peculiar state of consciousness. Throughout my childhood I had always been a very mystical type of person. But then when growing up into adult age I had discovered the awful condition of the world and the horrible societies that we have created and the horrible ways we human beings are treating each other most of the time. I was absolutely horrified, scandalized. My whole understanding of God's presence in the world and my entire perception of the Divine collapsed around the end of sixties. I was unable to bear life the way it is now and go on anticipating my own life in that old scene of the world, as it is now, because I couldn't understand what was going on, what the purpose of it was. What the hell was going on? And I couldn't see anymore the Divine, you know, acting in this world. And so I went my fist to the sky and I said, "If you actually exist, you have to explain to me what this is all about. And quickly! Because I'm not going to remain here for long! If I don't know why - first of all why things are the way they are, which is horrible. And second question: how it can be changed? Because if it cannot be changed, I'm not going for it, sorry." So luckily, the Divine doesn't mind an ultimatum although it is not an approach to the Divine that they would recommend you in most religions. Apparently the intensity of the aspiration or of the need is quite enough for the Divine to listen to you and to take you into consideration. So within a few months

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the Divine had sent to me one after the other exactly the right books to make me aware first of all of such key things like consciousness, evolution - things like that, you know, that I couldn't put together yet clearly, but which were correlating like that and indicating something so strongly - and then finally it was "The Life Divine". And I read only the first chapter, and that was it. At last everything made sense, such incredible wonderful sense! And this at once gives fantastic dynamism to the whole thing: instead of having a static world where things are the way they are - things stuck, you know. And the only way out is out, precisely somewhere else, to another dimension. But why is the Earth? Why is the world? Why ascetical life? Nobody had any idea. Some people will even tell you that this is Maya, they don't even exist. Nobody can tell you why there is a Spirit who had invented such a lie. Why do spirits ever get trapped in that? So at last in "The Life Divine", all the answers were there. I think I had the first illumination in my life. Suddenly I saw a kind of innumerable pieces of a gigantic Cosmic Puzzle falling together and together making the fantastic picture of the future towards which we are going. So I just sat down and said to the Divine: "Now, if this is what it is all about, I am staying." And that was a turning point in my life. After that things unfolded quite naturally. I found more books by Sri Aurobindo and I discovered that there was also somebody called the Mother who was part of the overall picture out there in Pondicherry. There was an Ashram something -I had no idea at that time of what an Ashram was or anything, I knew nothing about India. And when I heard that this Auroville was in India -oh, no, no, no, why do I have to go out there to India, why they don't make Auroville in some normal place, somewhere I knew of.

So I came very grumbling to India and when I arrived in Auroville I still had a lot to learn about Integral Yoga. I had understood the big thing: that one has to become conscious again of being the Divine because that was what everyone and everything really is. Because that was all my life was about, but beyond that

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I had not read much at all. The whole Bhakti aspect was something quite (not there). I have had the feelings that the whole openness and feeling of the Divine presence everywhere - in the sky, in the stars, in the little birds and the butterflies and the flowers and all. I was practising only in my mind I had a quite a good mind, but an iron mind built in the Western way, and everything that would come into me, had to come now only through that mind. So I came in that condition to Auroville, as I said, entirely for the yoga that I had started practising already when I was in France. So I was coming to Auroville not exactly to practice yoga but to be part of the collective experiment that Auroville was, which was the plus which made me decide instead of simply continuing my doing the yoga alone in my corner where I was teaching to come here and participate in that collective aspiration which would someday become a whole very beautiful township, shaped like a galaxy.

So when I arrived I knew nothing about the lives of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother as persons, nothing. I arrived on the 2nd of August. On the 15th of August I was very sick with a fever - like many people who arrive, their body has to adapt to the climate. And then it had to be another lady Aurovilian, who was also quite sick in the same Nursing Home but who was an old timer. She told me: "Look, we are on the 15th of August. Today is the darshan day! What? You don't know what adarshan day is? Today is SriAurobindo's birth anniversary. Let's go to the balcony, we might have the chance to see Mother from afar. " And from one corner of that Ashram Nursing Home we leaned and we looked from our small balcony and then there was another street, there I could see a silhouette in the distance on a high balcony. Well, I cannot say frankly it had much effect on me but okay at least I knew what the darshan was. At least I had the beginning of the notion that some beings have so much Divine Presence in them it might be good for you to be near them or see them - that notion was totally absent in my life before.

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And so later on I did have the chance to be at a collective Darshan when Mother would come out at her balcony. This time I was down on the street. That was quite an extraordinary event. There was actually a huge crowd. The streets flooded with kids, street dogs and all and quite noisy. And then suddenly everything silenced. Total silence when that being was standing there for a while and after a while retreating back. And the sheer impact of those few moments was incredible.

Still when I discovered that it was possible to come even closer to the Mother and to be with Her in a personal, individual manner - even if you did not speak, and at that time it was possible to do that for your birthday - I was not really interested. "What do I need to go to see Mother for?"

And then at that time my closest friends in Auroville were a sister and brother, also from France, about my age but who, had been in Auroville since several years. At that time everyone in Auroville was functioning on cycles - no bikes at that time, nothing. And once in a week it was a big outing for us - cycling to Pondicherry and have lunch in a restaurant, which was Indian Coffee House. So the three of us plus another friend - would every week on the same day find each other there and have our lunch there. Then one day I was at a normal rendezvous and I see the sister, I see the other friend but not the brother. So I ask, "Where is he?" and she tells us: "Today is his birthday and so he went to see the Mother." I didn't say a thing about that anymore. And I happened to be sitting with my back to the big entrance door there. Suddenly, without knowing why I start turning around and there he was standing at the entrance door, immobile. It was him but at the same time - I couldn't believe he had light around him. It was as if, peace, a solid peace was emanating from his being. And Peace was there entering Indian Coffee House with him.

Slowly he started walking and came to our table and sat down. He didn't utter a word and I couldn't stop looking at him. It was so strong and so strange - I've never experienced anything like

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that. So when I went home, I was feeling, "Well, this lady, She has quite an effect on people, it seems. Maybe I should go." So I inquired and asked my two friends, "Ok, if I want to go see the Mother for my birthday, what do I have to do?" "Oh, it's so simple: you go to the Ashram, you ask your name to be put on the list." "What?! Even in the Ashram, to see Mother, you have to have lists? What is all that administrative business? I don't want anything to do with lists! Come on! I'm not going to do this! I'm not going to put my name on the list. "And I forgot about it. And then you know, people who are from Europe like me will know if you really don't have the same experience- In Europe birthdays were not a big thing. For most people you don't celebrate it anymore, it is not so important. So I was also not thinking of my birthday at all.

In fact, the birthday came, and I was not even aware of it. Just one day I woke up, I was doing my usual way of things and suddenly I start feeling the need, something pulling me towards the Ashram, towards Pondy. I said, "No, what's happening to me?!" I had to get my cycle and only on my way I realised it was my birthday. So I said, "Ok, I'm meant after all to go to see Mother for my birthday. Ok, let's see what happens." I arrived right at the Ashram - I arrived at the secretary's office - came to the table and the lady there told me, "Oh, today is your birthday. Wonderful! So I assume your name is on the list? What is your name?" "Well, sorry, but my name is not on the list." "Oh, that's the real problem because if your name is not on the list you cannot see the Mother." I was stunned and then I got angry. I must have cried. Nothing doing, I just couldn't go and see the Mother. So in the end I just embarked on my cycle and went home. And I told myself, "Ok, you stop being a stupid little girl. Next year you are going to put your name on this damn list. Don't be a fool, and you'll see what happens." I reassured myself like that and forgot about it.

And my birthday happens to be at the end of February. I had missed my birthday for February 1973, which was my first birthday here, and so I was counting to see Mother for my birthday in

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February 1974. At that time I was living in Aspiration which is more towards the sea. There was a community kitchen but it was used for another purpose and everybody from Aspiration area would for their meals come to the place where "Douceur" and Bakery now are. It was quite a deserted place like almost everything in Auroville at that time but with a big circular hut in the middle of nowhere. In fact it was as usual a dining-room with community kitchen with the kitchen aspect at the back of it. And on the dining-hall side a counter where you had the pile of trays and then the dishes. You serve your food on your tray and you go and sit on the small individual mats around with small tables in front, eat your food out of the tray, then wash everything and go home again. I was always an early bird, so as usual one morning I would arrive for breakfast. As usual I go to the counter with the intention to get my tray and then, just next to the pile of trays there was a slate with something written on it. It read: "Yesterday, 17th November at 7.30 pm the Mother left Her body." Nothing happened to me in my mind, in my emotions - nothing. But I never picked the tray.

Without knowing why I turned around and started walking towards the area just outside of the kitchen where there was a kind of small open garden under the sky. And then the strangest thing happened. Standing there normally with my eyes open, I felt literally that my head was splitting open into two halves - I describe it exactly how it felt. And suddenly what my senses perceived -what my eyes, my ears - all my senses perceived was not anymore the normal world around me. I was actually in an infinite ocean of Light, of total Peace, of total Calm and it was like an immense body of an infinite being. Bliss and Delight that I could feel going through my being, through my body. It was a fantastic experience that I was living. And in the corner of my mind - my mind was shrieking: "Hey, what's happening to you?! Mother just left Her body, and you are in this bliss? Are you going crazy?" And the rest of my being was saying, "Shut up! Shut up!" You know, just enjoying this incredible thing I was experiencing. And then at some point - you know, you loose all sense of time in such experiences

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at the level of my heart I heard a voice, a strong, almost stern voice, more masculine, which was speaking to me, speaking to my inner being and it was telling me: "What you are experiencing now is what we call in India the Divine Mother. And this is what the person who died yesterday embodied upon Earth". And these words imprinted themselves like in gold fire letters in my inmost depths. And then after some more time the strangest thing happened again. It was as if this ocean, unlimited thing around me - it was the only existing reality like the only real thing - started going down. Not going up into some ethereal realm - nope! It went down into the earth and down, and down. And then my eyes would start seeing normal reality again, and my ears would again hear the normal sound around. And I find myself just like before, still standing.

Again no emotion, nothing moving in my brain and again without knowing why I find myself turning around again, going back towards the kitchen. I had no thought of breakfast but when I was close again to that pile of trays only then I saw that on that slate there was an announcement which said: "Those who want to have the last Darshan of the Mother can take the bus which will come at 7.15 (or something) and bring them to the Ashram." And then it hit me. The last Darshan? I'm never going to see Mother for my birthday? This is my last chance. And I could understand the incredible gift I had been given through that experience which was not even wanted, not even desired, not even dreamed of though I needed it so much - it was totally granted. And I'm still trying, you know. All my pride and my mental arrogance had been shattered in one blow by this contact with the true reality of things. So you know I have become totally humble and I knew that I knew nothing - not even what was good for me and what was not good for me and that only the Mother knew. And I knew also that physically there was not enough time. I was in the kitchen and still had to walk back to Aspiration to dress up. How could I be ready in time to take that bus? So inwardly I told Mother, "Ok, you know if it is good for me that I see you, - if it is good, - you do

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it. I cannot possibly hurry." I walked back to my little hut, dressed up and it was the first time in my life I dressed up entirely in white. I was feeling just like a newborn baby. When I was ready I went out and that bus was there. And even that was so strange. Everybody in the bus - all those people from Auroville who have been collected from everywhere - everybody sobbing, sobbing. Most of those people were not like me. They all have had physical contact with the Mother, and they knew Her. It was the blessing of their lives. And now She was gone physically and that contact they wouldn't have anymore. So I could see, you know, I could feel their distress. But I was in a kind of bubble of blessedness, of total peace, of quiet joy, of total trust. And I reached the Ashram and there was a long queue in the streets around which I joined along with everybody else.

And I suddenly found myself downstairs from Mother's room where they have put the bed of the Mother with Her body lying on it. And probably still fresh from the experience of early morning, my subtle eyes, my spiritual eyes, my inner eyes must have remained open somehow. What I saw was not what the photographs on the walls showed, what the people used to see. I saw a body there which was a splendour, a glory of power, of light, of something incredibly beautiful and powerful and a kind of orange mist was there all around it and was the very substance of it. It was so strong, you know, the shock, I just couldn't take it. I fell on my knees and started sobbing and sobbing and sobbing - people had to take me away and put me up on my feet. And I found myself back in the street and immediately went without thinking back into the line. Again my turn came and I arrived in front of Mother's bed and again She gave me so much but it was all spilled out, it was all lost. I just could not remain calm enough. So things happened in the same way again: up, out, and back into the line again. But then during all the time I was in that line again, I prayed to Mother: "Mother, I'm too emotional. Give me your peace. I must be able to receive what you are trying to give me. Give me your peace. Make me able to receive you. Make me able to receive

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you." So I arrived the third time. And that time I could stand there without getting overwhelmed but I was worried - you couldn't stay there, you know, there was always somebody else. I was already looking forward to getting in the line fourth time. And then I felt on me a strange look and I looked up and there was one of the people in the Ashram who had as a duty - you know, there are a bit strong and impressive people who are there when there are big crowds like that, - to make sure everything happens correctly. So this man, an Ashramite (who was on duty like this) was looking at me quite fiercely. He couldn't openly, you know, shout at me but he fiercely said to me: "But I have seen you already! You already came! It's forbidden to come two times!"

I understood that the Divine was telling me through that man: you have got what you needed. This is enough. It is not like a little sweet (that you get second time - things like that) - it is not like that. And also how I had been protected by my ignorance. Because by nature I tend to respect the law and all those things. And if I would have known that it was forbidden to come two times, that would mean definitely that I would not have tried or dared to come. Because I didn't know I was just able to follow my inner instinct and come as many times as was needed for me. And the Divine allowed it to happen. And only the last time that guy noticed me and objected the next time. So I went out feeling happy and so grateful. I noticed on my way out for the first time, all the pictures of the Mother smiled to me, and I knew She must indeed be happy with me.

So this was my first real contact with the Mother. I thank you for listening to me. (a talk in 2005)

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We happy to include here the concluding lines of the poem written by Bhaga herself:

... Mother, Mighty Mother, "death" is no more a must:

Our bodies bathed in the slow blissful Wave

To the Almighty rhythm of the Supreme Lord's Wings,

Our cells as well now are learning Happiness!...

(Bhaga has been living in Auroville for 40 years and is the Founder of Laboratory of Evolution and its Head Researcher.) (http://labofevolution. wordpress. com/author/aurobhaga/)

* * *

Rose of God

Rose of God, vermilion stain on the sapphires of heaven,

Rose of Bliss, fire-sweet, seven-tinged with the ecstasies seven!

Leap up in our heart of humanhood, O miracle, O flame,

Passion-flower of the Nameless, bud of the mystical Name.

Rose of God, great wisdom-bloom on the summits of being,

Rose of Light, immaculate core of the ultimate seeing!

Live in the mind of our earthhood; O golden Mystery, flower,

Sun on the head of the Timeless, guest of the marvelous Hour.

Rose of God, damask force of Infinity, red icon of might.

Rose of Power with thy diamond halo piercing the night!

Ablaze in the will of the mortal, design the wonder of thy plan,

Image of Immortality, outbreak of the Godhead in man.

Rose of God, smitten purple with the incarnate divine Desire,

Rose of Life, crowded with petals, colour's lyre!

Transform the body of the mortal like a sweet and magical rhyme;

Bridge our earthhood and heavenhood, make deathless the children of Time.

Rose of God, like a blush of rapture on Eternity's face,

Rose of Love, ruby depth of all being, fire-passion of Grace!

Arise from the heart of the yearning that sobs in Nature's abyss:

Make earth the home of the Wonderful and life beatitude's kiss.

Sri Aurobindo - collected poems, pg. 584

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