Darshan

9

"That Touch I Could Never Forget"

A Remembrance from Childhood

Ardhendu

I am Ardhendu. I live in Aspiration and I am in Auroville since 1970, when I was just ten years old. I would like to start with a quotation from Sri Aurobindo which is about Mother; "The one whom we adore as the Mother is the divine conscious force that dominates all existence."

This is actually my mantra or....everything. I begin the day with this prayer and end the day with it. It's a continuous process. And in the middle of the day also, anytime when I feel that I need to take the name of the Mother, I use this—the same thing, these few lines of Sri Aurobindo about the Mother— and it gives me so much of strength, joy and happiness that I really cannot express it. It is just wonderful.

I had come to Pondicherry, from West Bengal, in the beginning of 1970 and visited the Mother with my family,—that is, with my parents, and my sister and brother. I have a sister who is working now and others are no more, excepting my aunty. Parents have passed away. It was on my mother's birthday that we visited together. People waited in a long queue and were called in one by one. I just saw the Mother and felt, "Okay, this is the Mother. Okay." At that time I did not have much feeling. We just did pranam like this, our Indian way, and came out. That was my first visit. Of course on darshan days we saw Mother from the balcony. But the occasion to see her individually again came on my birthday on 7^th November 1970. I got the permission card from Nolini Kanta Gupta, the secretary, and joined the queue. I was carrying a bouquet of flowers and was sitting down with twelve or thirteen devotees who had their

Page 199

birthday on the same day. I was just ten years of age and watched as everyone went, one by one, to the Mother for darshan and pranam. When I saw that everyone had gone and being left out I felt, "What happened? Won't the Mother call me?" Then the last call came. There was a loud cry: 'Ardhendu!' I was trembling and feeling, "Who is this?" and got up. That was also my first meeting with Champaklal. With his long beard and huge body he was standing at the entrance and said, "Come, come, come." Then I did not even know one word in English; I knew only Bengali. So when he said, "Come, come," I asked, "What?" He showed his hand towards the Mother and asked me to go. As I entered, I turned left and saw her sitting on her armchair, dressed in blue. I did not know what to do. I was alone in the room with Champaklal. I slowly took a step, turned and looked at her. It was totally different than what I saw the previous time when I visited with my parents. I was just looking at her because I did not know what to say, because I did not know English, French, Tamil or any other language but Bengali. I just told, of course in Bengali, "O You!" (thumi in Bengali). Her feet were not visible. So without hesitating I dropped my head on her lap. I knew that because I was the last person, nobody was going to ask me to get up and go. I decided to stay, even for the whole day. With her right hand she touched my head. Oh! That touch I could never forget. Her hand was so soft, the softest I ever felt. Even today, I freshly remember and have the same feeling her touch gave me. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I just have to remember it and I get the feeling. I almost slept or went into a sleep state. It lasted for seven or eight minutes. I had a small box of toffees. Then slowly another Ardhendu', Mother called. I was trying to touch her feet, but I could not because they were drawn inside. Then I said, "Yes." "You, open your box." It was repeated in Hindi and English. I could not understand. Then Champaklal told in Bengali. Then I realised and opened and held it for her like this (the speaker shows his hand). She just touched it. I am still holding it.

Again there was a shout from Champaklal, "Mother, take a toffee from it." Mother looked at me and at Champaklal and put her three fingers in the box. She did not pick up the one at the surface but took one from the bottom and she nodded like

Page 200

this and said something in French or English which I don't remember now. Then she smiled again. Again with my box I put my head on her lap. Like this I was there for another two to three minutes. Then Champaklal, again speaking in Bengali, told me, "Ardhendu, this is the time now." There was nothing I could say so slowly I asked her, "Please?" and again I kept my head on her lap. Three times I did that. That was a wonderful thing I had with Mother. I cannot forget that. Never. Even in my next birth, I would be able to remember it. It was wonderful, her hand so soft and her smile. I have never seen a smile like that. This is how I met the Mother.

And about that quotation of Sri Aurobindo: in the year 1974-75 my father had given me the book The Mother. I used to read that book every day and it occurred to me one day that this is the quotation one should say everyday, whenever one likes. I have seen that many times when we are in the midst of different emotions like happiness, unhappiness etc., when we remember and say, "Mother everything is you," it becomes very simple. This is what I wanted to share. Do you have anything to ask me?

In response to a question on his life as a child in aspiration: We were the first Indian family who came to Aspiration. Let me share this openly. Many people actually objected to us, saying, "Why these Indians? They will not keep this place clean and all." So, they visited the Mother and said, "Mother, please take these people away from here. This is not the correct place for them." In fact, all the old Aurovilians might be knowing that. She strongly said, "No, this is the family that must stay in Auroville. And you cannot stop them." Then, some made a snake pit in front of our house to just frighten us. Then my father wrote a letter to her. "Mother with my children, I cannot live with the snakes." Mother called those and asked: "What are you doing? Why are you keeping the snakes? You take them to the snake park in Madras." And it was happily ended. What I meant to say this is that she was soft to the soft, but hard to.... This is the experience from my childhood.

The sun-eyed children of a marvellous dawn,...

Book III, 4

Page 201