Darshan

6

"These, You Have to Find

within Yourself"

Frederick

When I was asked to participate here I had some hesitation. I don't know where it comes from. I read in Tara's book, 'Growing up with the Mother', where the Mother has been quoted as saying, "You should take the past like a trampoline to help you leap towards the future." But there is a hesitation in me about recalling and remembering and getting trapped in memory. But at the same time I think, seeing again so many people who I have lost contact with and the very fact that I am sitting next to Shyamsundar, it maybe a direction towards the future. I also think of Navajata, who many of you don't know. In many troubled phases of Auroville we were lodged in opposite directions and seemed to be fighting each other. And a few years ago I had a very strong experience that the time had come for healing, for working towards each other, to move forward.

One can open oneself to the Presence of the Mother by recalling the physical memories. Of the memories that I have (besides a few concerning my very personal life in the Ashram) some are: being involved in the preparation for the foundation stone laying and being given the charge of building the first pukka house in Auroville. I think that might be of some interest.

I had brought some money to the Mother and She had asked me to be a trustee of that money. Then She said I should use that money to build a permanent house to show to the world that "We are here for good". And that was like a responsibility to demonstrate the permanence of Auroville.

I feel that the difference between the Ashram and the Auroville

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might have been brought about due to our ignorance and blindness. And often, when I read in 'The Agenda' what was actually going on, I feel a deep regret that I didn't understand at that time. [The Agenda is a record of Mother's talks and writings preserved by Satprem, a disciple, and published some years after the Mother's departure. It contains Mother's observations, instructions and announcements on Auroville.] But still I feel that there is a fundamental difference between the Ashram and Auroville, which could actually be an enriching experience instead of a cause of fighting and conflict. And it demonstrated itself to me in my correspondence with the Mother (when I was still living in the Ashram) on questions about my life in the Ashram, my children, their education, the problems there and my work in Auroville. It was very marked that, to the questions relating to my life in the Ashram, the Mother very carefully and very precisely answered but the moment I touched on aspects of Auroville, She said, "These, you have to find within yourself"—as if somehow She relied on our capacity in Auroville to call Her guidance from within. And I do feel that somehow we can't duplicate, we can't replicate, we can't just transport messages which were given to the Ashram and transport them to here. Even messages which might have been given in the early times of Auroville, we cannot just repeat them like this. I feel that She is continuously, even now, trying to open us up, so that we can feel Her guidance for our next step in Auroville.

I would like to recall Her action during the foundation stone laying of Auroville on the 28^th February, when the charter and the message to Auroville were played. We had been living out here in a small hut we had built. A lot of people gathered, at the place where the Amphitheatre now is, and around 9.30 am I think, Shyamsundar might know the exact time, suddenly a Silence came down on us and then there was a live transmission of the Mother's voice to that place. And that was of such tremendous impact, the birth of a New World, that everybody felt like some meteor had struck this piece of Earth. We might not have been ready at that very moment to receive within all that came down. The next day I was alone out there, it was just a barren area with a lot of debris but still something had

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penetrated. The Mother was very much concerned about the physical condition in Auroville. And whenever I saw Her with the children She would ask me, "What is happening? How is it going?" She saw once a photo of the Urn, after a monsoon rain with water around it like a lake. The Urn was just sticking out and She was extremely concerned and wanted to know the exact details of the foundation of the Urn so that nothing should really physically, permanently damage the place where Her dream was to be manifested.

I would very much like—maybe as a phase of healing—that the organizers who did this beautiful meeting may ask the people who in that troubled time of Auroville were lodged in different camps to come and look together at how to move on and call the Mother's Presence and Force for the next step into the future.

"O strong forerunner, I have heard thy cry,..."

Book III, 4

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