Darshan

22

"You Are Doing a Useful Work..."

Syamala

I think, from my childhood, both Sri Aurobindo and Mother indirectly influenced my life —without my being conscious of it at that time. Whenever my life was at some crossroads, always some force pushed me in a direction of its choosing, at times against my own will. This is how I came to Sri Aurobindo. And when I came, I didn't even know of the Mother. When I first went to Her, in 1967, I didn't know that one was expected to take flowers. An Ashramite friend said, "You have to take a flower." I said, "My heart is the flower." But she herself went to the Ashram garden and brought a beautiful flower—'Aspiration in the physical for the Divine'. When I entered, the Mother was working at her table. I went to Her and gave the flower. I didn't look into Her eyes but the Mother looked and uttered a big 'Oh!' with a recognizing look and a beautiful smile. I felt recognition and a deep peace because I used to think that 'Mother' meant some 'Mother Superior' as in Christian convents. After coming out, as some of my Ashramite sisters advised, I tried to concentrate and receive inwardly what the Mother gave. And the Lord's words to Arjuna in the 'Gita' came to my mind: "Between us, so many lives have passed. I know all that, but you don't know." On my birthdays,—as I was told repeatedly by people, "Don't touch the Mother,"—I never used to touch Her when I gave the flower. I think She appreciated my thought and used to give me a very gentle smile as if acknowledging my conscious effort not to touch Her.

Later I wrote about the Mother in a Telugu magazine and when I received some money for that, I gave it to the Mother. Then I thought of writing something about Auroville. And I

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wrote a letter to the Mother saying I wanted to proceed with Auroville. I didn't know that She would in fact drag me into Auroville. So much She worked in me that I came to Auroville in '69, to the area presently called Douceur. At that time I was only twenty-four and this was a barren land, but we had the great grace of referring to Her everything regarding our life and work. Of course, at times it was difficult to decide whether to write to Her, as some people used to say, "You must fully utilize the physical presence of the Mother, you should not mind asking Her" yet others said, "you have to feel Her within and act."

I mostly used to work with Varadharajan and most of the remembrances with regard to our working with the Mother are already published. But I would like to share here some things She gave in my work.

My place of work was in the middle of a burial ground near the village and tamarind tope and there was only a keet-roof and bamboo shed or room without toilet. I stayed there remembering the presence of the Mother. But I was wondering whether my work was useful to the Mother —"Why should I stay here leaving a job if my work was not useful?" So when somebody told me that I had to resign my job or to go back to Madras, I wrote to the Mother. But the person who took my letter to the Mother told me, "Don't make a big letter, just write whether you should go back or not," and so I wrote only that much. But the Mother answered to the question in my mind. She replied to the effect: "You are doing a useful work at Auromodele and it would be better for you to stay here. Blessings."

The Last school was to be opened and we had a meeting. I wrote to the Mother, that the village children need a preschool before they go to the Last School. I also wrote to Mother that my mother tongue was not Tamil but I knew Tamil enough to teach something to the children before they go to Last School. The Mother gave me Her blessings and said I should do so.

While working with Varadharajan, due to some reasons, I began to think of working independently. That was the time when Varadharajan was about to start a workers' kitchen. He wrote a letter to Mother asking Her a date to start the kitchen. And when Poornaprema took the letter, the Mother gave the

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date and two blessing packets. She said, "Mother, it is for Varadharajan." Mother said, "But they are two, aren't they?" Just the previous day we had some argument and as if She knew, She gave two blessing packets and said, "They are two." That encouraged both of us to remain working together. Likewise, repeatedly She played the part of a physical Mother to me.

By Grace, a very nice thing happened during my life in Aspiration. I had the privilege to go to Mother, perhaps two or three times, with the Aspiration group. One such visit was on 7/7/70.

Whenever I went to the Mother, I did not go entirely out of my own initiative but I used to think that—like in the

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playground meditation, when the Supramental Consciousness descended unexpectedly — something might descend and I would miss it. It would make me regret if Varadharajan could go and be present during such an event and I missed it. Therefore, I used to go but I felt sorry if we were taking the Mother's time. But She was always smiling. She was like that to me.

People used to think, that Mother is a very elderly lady and She will forget things, and all that. Once I asked the Mother a date for starting the school kitchen. Then she wrote back a date which was a Sunday. Everybody said, "Why Mother chose Sunday! Who will be there on a Sunday?" I proceeded with the date and told everybody, "Sunday is the day the Mother has given; so all of you come." When I went for getting the vessels, the person in charge said, "We can't give you the vessels, it is for our kitchen." Then finally after arguments and counter arguments, the gentleman agreed but said, "Because you need on Sunday, I am giving you the vessels." So, when I said this to Poorna, She said, "Mother had asked—when the letter was given—'Are they ready for a kitchen?'" And she, (Poorna) had replied, "Mother, they must be ready. Otherwise why would they write the letter?" So, She was so meticulously observing and pouring Her concern.

The Mother had said that She had spoken to Sri Aurobindo in detail about organizing Kitchen, Sports and Art for Auroville. I am grateful in my heart to Her presence, which helped me to participate in all the three activities in the formative years of Auroville.

My spirit's liberty I ask for all

Book X, 4

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