Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
I told the Lord, "You are doing so much for me. At every step I feel your protection, your love and care for me, Lord. I don't know why you are doing so much for me. I have done nothing for you so far. I have been self-centred, busy with my own thousand problems, major and minor, and complain to you all the while. You are never annoyed but are ever gracious and sweet. What have I done to deserve this bounty? I can only offer my gratitude "
"Don't talk of gratitude, forgiveness, etc. — all those human sentiments, high though they are. Be just like a child as you were when you came to the Ashram and used to fall into the Mother's lap — simple, innocent and beautiful. Questions of gratitude do not become you. Be that child again."
"My old bone-trouble has reappeared. Sometimes the pain is very acute. Homeopathy helps me; the pain subsides, but only for a few days and then comes back. My stomach also gives me trouble now and then. I can't say that I ever enjoy good health."
The Guru answered: "It is because you are not doing any work for the Mother. Those who do her work enjoy good health."
"But I do a lot of work at home. I have no servant. I mop the floor every day, clean the furniture, wash my own clothes. All these chores take away the entire morning. I have to go to the bazar, the bank and what not. I am all alone. I have never been used to this kind of life. You know it very well."
"It is true indeed. That is why my constant help and protection are with you. Go on in your usual way. One day all these troubles will disappear. But at present you have to be ready to face such minor troubles. Eventually your love for me will conquer everything."
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