Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
There are three books I have read so often that almost all the episodes from them are fresh in my memory. They are the Mahabharata, the Ramayana, and Sri Ramakrishna Kathamrita. The last, in particular, was a cherished part of every Bengali household, and contributed a great deal to the spiritual culture. of Bengal. In addition I had paid frequent visits to Dakshineshwar and Belur Math since my childhood. I have already told you how Bharat Maharaj loved me from my infancy. Due to all these associations, and perhaps due also to something in my past life, Sri Ramakrishna, who is also known as "Thakur", blessed me quite often with his darshan, though I was not actually his devotee.
In Sri Ramakrishna Kathamrita, he has said that if one repeated the word "Gita" ten times daily for a week, one would realise the Divine. I took his words literally, thinking, "Since Thakur has said it, it must be so. If the realisation can be so easily attained, I must give it a trial." I started in right earnest, and felt a great force coming down. At the end of three days, however, a profusion of unexpected mishaps began to occur. Illness, danger, disharmony, misfortune surrounded me like a conspiracy and with a force that threatened to shatter my bones. Meanwhile, I kept hearing a voice saying, "Give it up, give it up; you won't be able to bear it." And things came to such a pass that I had to abandon the attempt after all. Who could imagine that the two syllables "Gi-ta" could have so much power?
Once I saw Thakur in a dream. He was surrounded by his lisciples and was enjoying their company. Suddenly he ex:lairned, "Where is Esha, where is Esha? Hasn't she come?" Vivekananda, who was standing nearby, pointed his finger at Tie seated in a corner and replied, "There she is." And Thakur ;raced me with a divine smile.
*This brings to my mind the vision I recently had of Vivekananda himself — it was for the first time that I saw him thus. I saw him one night standing by my window. He was looking at me intently and smiling with loving sweetness. He was dressed in his usual sannyasi garb and was looking magnificent, his eyes and face shining with a divine lustre. I couldn't help crying out, "How beautiful, how beautiful he looks!" Whereupon he replied, "Not as beautiful as your uncle!"
"No, no!" I protested. "There is no comparison!" Then he vanished.
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