Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
On another occasion, all at once I saw the Samadhi effulgent. This filled me with great joy, and I recalled how often Sri Aurobindo had answered my many questions there. Without a doubt the Samadhi is fully alive. Indeed I believe that the Mother had once said that she could not leave the Ashram even for a day since the Samadhi was there.
Then again there was the time I sat down for my dinner, and found the lights dimming. I thought a power failure was in the offing. Not wanting to get caught in the darkness, I started to hurry through my meal, thinking that lighting a lantern was
more a bother than it was worth. I distinctly heard the words: আস্তে, আস্তে (slowly, slowly). How exceedingly sweet the voice was! "Don't hurry. The light will take some time to go. Be at ease." And that is exactly how it happened. But the love embodied in the voice was unforgettable — no human voice could ever approach it. I had heard it only once before so full of tenderness. That was when I had completely run out of money. There was not a pice in the house, and I was desperately worried. Then the same voice came to me saying, "I'm here!"
In this way, I know Sri Aurobindo is protecting me all the while, but I don't know why, and he has never told me. He only asked, "If I am helping you, as you say, will you give me something in return?"
"Yes," I answered without hesitation.
"Then give me your আমি (your I)," he replied, even though he knew full well that this was impossible for me, and I had no answer for him but silence.
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