Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
Some time ago I had a few striking visions during my pranam at the Samadhi. Quite a number of my experiences happen then. So, the Samadhi is very living for me and I have been asked not to miss my pranam there. It is as if the Guru is waiting for me and our talks go on. I come back full of joy and peace.
One day I saw the entire Samadhi all aglow with bright light, and Sri Aurobindo was lying on a bed of Light, in a trance as it were. His body was luminous. And Kali was standing by his side. She was rather of a short stature and dark, but sparkling, as if her black figure was dazzling. It was really wonderful. This was the first time I had seen her. As soon as I saw Sri Aurobindo I rushed towards him. But before I could touch him Kali stretched out her hand and said in a stern voice, "Don't touch!" I stopped.
After a few months the same experience repeated itself, but this time Kali was of a bigger size and was full of power. She was like a dazzling dark statue of light, and her pose was majestic. She was the Mother herself in her form of Kali. As I approached her, she said in a strident voice, "Without my Grace you cannot meet your Guru." I was struck dumb.
I began thinking, why did the Mother say that? Have I not received her grace? If I think more often of Sri Aurobindo it is because from my childhood he has been with me and it is natural that my thoughts and feelings should be occupied with him. Then the question that troubled me was, "How to receive the Mother's grace?" See and meet Sri Aurobindo I must. I began to pray to her. Some friends suggested that I should do some work for her. Besides, Sri Aurobindo had also said that doing the Mother's work keeps the body healthy. So I took up making garlands for the Samadhi, for that work was the most suitable for me.
I began the work, doing it as an offering, with full concentration. After a few days something very startling happened. As I bowed down at the Samadhi, I saw the Mother's face with three eyes, two wide-extended and one in the middle of the forehead. And they were gazing into my eyes. Beams of light issued forth from them and penetrated my sight and kept me transfixed with their gaze. Such wondrous eyes I had never seen before.
When I returned home I told Sri Aurobindo of my experience. He seemed to be happy and said, "It is true that without Her grace none can see me, just as without Radha's grace none could come to Krishna."
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