Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
Recently, I had a very interesting dream. It may even be called a vision. I was sleeping in the afternoon when I saw a picture etched in the sky. Two huge elephants, their trunks upraised, were lifting their front feet in a desperate effort to touch the chariot of Lord Krishna. Sri Krishna stood in the chariot, the reins gathered in his hands, his eyes brilliant with light as he gazed straight ahead. Meanwhile, every time the elephants tried to put their feet on the chariot they failed, which made them try all the more desperately only to fail repeatedly. Behind the elephants a cyclone raged.
Suddenly I woke up, astonished at what I had seen, and immediately asked the Guru if the vision had any meaning.
Sri Aurobindo explained: "The elephants represented your Chaitya Purusha. They wanted to do pranam to Sri Krishna, but could not touch his chariot. The storm behind was the symbol of your vital urges agitating to do the pranam."
I asked what Chaitya Purusha meant, and he said, "Ask Nirod." (Nirod-da later explained to me that it is the psychic being.)
"Then what does it all mean?" I asked the Lord. "Won't I be able to do pranam? Is it due to some fault on my part?"
"Not exactly. Sri Krishna is not so easily attainable - it is always difficult to approach him. Perhaps you need to do more sadhana. You have been inclined to him from your childhood and have always wanted to see him, but you must pay for the privilege."
"But you said Sri Krishna and yourself are one," I interjected.
"That's true, but you wanted especially to see him; if it had
been me you had wanted to see, it would have been easier." "Then why can't you fulfil my aspiration by your Grace?" "That I can't. I can only give you my blessings."
"Then what should I do?"
"You must aspire strongly. Aspiration alone can get your wish granted."
For some time afterwards I thought of my intense desire to see Lord Krishna — not in a dream or a vision, but as tangibly as could see Nirod-da and the others. I don't want to die without seeing him.
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