Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
I came in 1978 for the Darshan in February and did not feel inclined to go back, though I knew that I could not stay on, for matters concerning my property, money etc. would have to be settled before I could ever think of making the Ashram my home. On the other hand I felt so much peace that it outweighed every other consideration. In this state of conflict I thought of praying to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo to help me find a house where I could live by myself. On hearing my prayer, Sri Aurobindo said, "Why should you go back? Haven't you been taught enough lessons? Now give your mind to the sadhana for which I have brought you here. You have to give up your attachments. You can't go on whiling away your time in idle talk and cheap company. Have a firm determination. I have given you asylum here since your childhood and it still stands and will stand for ever."
"But where shall I stay?" I asked.
"Why, you're quite comfortable at Sahana's place, aren't you?" he replied.
"But how can I stay there for good? There must be some security for me, and who will look after me here? I'm all alone!"
"There's no need of any security. X will do all that is required. You needn't bother your head about it."
But I was not satisfied with this answer and went on. "Everybody here is well placed, but I have none to call my own. I'm a stranger."
"Stranger? Then how are you able to live here so peacefully?"
"But some accommodation is needed."
"Well, you'll get Rs. 500/- a month for your expenses, not more. That should be enough."
A few days later, I was still praying to stay on. This time he answered, "Instead of prayer, have trust in my word. That should be your main sadhana."
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