Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
Once, as I lay in bed, I fell into a pensive mood, and like the young disciple began to think, "I have been with Sri Aurobindo for so many years. He has, in fact, brought me to yoga against my will. And now even though I am getting old, I have gained nothing substantial so far." My mind was running on in this vein when I suddenly saw a light curtain hung between my bed and the wall sway gently. I became hushed and attentive, feeling that something was going to happen. And then I saw Sri Aurobindo appear from behind the curtain which had parted slightly. He looked exactly like the picture of him taken in 1950 that we all have with us. Then he spoke: "I can give you a long lease of life so that you may realise the Divine. Will you accept it?"
Vehemently and spontaneously I cried out, "No, No! I don't want a long life. My son will die, my closest friends will go, and I'll be left all alone. You know how much I have suffered, and I don't want to suffer any more. How often I have already prayed to you to take me away!"
"Think again," he replied. "I have given you my word." "No, I don't want a long life," I insisted.
"All right," he replied sweetly. "I won't press you." Then raising his right hand in a gesture as in the statues of the Buddha, he disappeared. Oh, how beautiful his palm was as he raised it and held it before my eyes! It meant so much to me.
Nirodda responded to this account by saying, "But why were you so foolish as to refuse such a sublime boon? Don't you know that there can be no suffering from separation when the Lord is with you and leading you to the goal? It is he who will make you free of all bonds. So long as you keep such attachments intact, you cannot realise the Divine. What a childish thing to have done!"
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