Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
Sri Aurobindo : Contact
Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
I have already spoken about the death of my mother after a long history of suffering. I thought her soul would now have peace and I would also feel relieved. At one time I wished that I should die before her because I could not bear the sight of the great suffering she was passing through and my trouble was beyond endurance. So I prayed fervently for it. Then suddenly a figure appeared before me and asked me, "Do you seriously want to die? I can fulfil your wish." I was at once struck with fear and cried out, "No, no, I don't want do die."
Now, the day after my mother's death, when I was sleeping at night, somebody seemed to wake me up. I looked at my mother's cot. A dim lamp was alight. I saw there only the upper part of her body very clearly. It was the figure of her diseased condition. She was looking intently at her cot. I sat up and tried to call her, but not a word could I utter as if my voice was choked. Then her figure disappeared but the spirit began to move about. There was no body, only a shadow-like something was walking and my eyes began to follow her. Seized with a sudden terrible fear, I jumped out of my bed and escaped to my son's room and lay down by his side. But what if she appeared again the next day? — I thought. My only refuge was the Divine and I turned to Him in prayer. He answered my call. I saw a golden hand appear and drive away the spirit for good.
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