An extraordinary girl

Childhood Contact with the Ashram

My uncle had come to stay in the Ashram for good. In 1930, my parents wanted to visit the Ashram, probably to see my uncle rather than for any deeper reason. Upon receiving their letter, he wrote back to say that we could come if my father had devotion for the Mother.

We made the journey along with Manu, my girl-companion and my little Pekingese dog. I was five years old. An old spacious house on the seafront was rented for us, possibly the house which is now the Beach Office of the Sri Aurobindo Society. The Mother paid us a visit on the afternoon of our arrival. As soon as she had taken her seat my dog went running to her and, jumping into her lap, began showering her with affection. The Mother embraced it and said lovingly, "How sweet!"

Then I was asked to do pranam to her. I did it in the Bengali way, touching her feet with my hands. She patted me on my head. My parents followed me, my father doing his pranam with devotion. Afterwards, they talked to the Mother. She was very much at ease and my father was gratified by her intimate manner. After their discussion, they sat for meditation, but I was not allowed to join them. Of course, I was curious to know what they were .doing, so I went on tiptoe to find out. I saw everyone sitting with eyes closed, but the Mother seemed to have noticed me and mentioned it to my parents.

We stayed at the Ashram for one or two months. My parents had the darshan of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, but once again I was not allowed to join them. When Manu asked me why, I answered peevishly, "You see, the Mother is Bhagavati, the Divine. She disappears into the air, while Sri Aurobindo, being human, doesn't." I thought it was he who would not permit us to have the Darshan, hence my remark.

Be that as it may, our life at the Ashram was happy. Manu and I could go wherever we wanted or stroll on the seaside, provided we were always accompanied by a servant.

After a prolonged stay, we returned to Calcutta where a near-disaster took place. My father had planned that we should leave the train at Howrah rather than going on to Calcutta. We could then cross the Ganga by country boat to reach our house which was situated on the opposite bank. On the way, Father intended to buy some fish from the fishermen on the river. He was expecting that they had caught some Ilsha, a delicacy much prized by Bengalis, and was hoping to take it home with him. He hired two boats, one for the servants and the other for us. As we moved out into the river, he seated himself on the prow so that he might spot the fisherman with a catch of Ilsha. Soon a boat came gliding by with the much-sought-after fish, and Father leaned forward to bargain with the fisherman. As he was engaged in haggling over the price, he suddenly lost his balance and fell into the choppy water. There was panic in the boat. My father did not know how to swim. As he began to sink, my distraught mother jumped after him. Needless to say, she did not know how to swim either and, with one hand raised, also began to be engulfed by the water. A relative was holding me firmly in case I too decided to jump after my parents.

It was the servants who came to their rescue. Being more capable than any of us, they plunged into the river, and with tremendous effort recovered the two unconscious bodies and pushed them into the boat. As soon as we reached our house on the opposite bank, the doctor was called and my mother and father were revived. The doctor later explained that as my father had high blood pressure, his leaning out of the boat might have made him giddy and so caused him to fall overboard. My father, however, was unimpressed by this explanation. Instead, he lost whatever faith he had in the Mother and Sri Aurobindo and never visited the Ashram again. He did, nevertheless, allow my mother and myself to come on a number of occasions, in 1932, 1934, 1936 and 1938.

In 1932, we stayed in my uncle's house. I had brought Manu again, and once more we were considered too young for the Darshan. Instead, I was left to play in the open space behind the Service tree, and amused myself by throwing stones into a

nearby tank while accompanied by the same elderly relative who had taken care of me in the boat-accident and was now an Ashram inmate.

All of a sudden one day, I looked up and saw someone standing at the window observing me intently, his face all smiles. I stood there agape with wonder. My relative who was with me, looked too, but said nothing. "Is it Champaklal?" I asked myself, perplexed. Then the Mother came and stood at the window as well. Both of them enveloped me with their smiles and the Mother waved to me with her hand. I folded my hands and did pranam to them both. Then the window closed. When I asked, my relative told me I had not seen Champaklal, but Sri Aurobindo himself with the Mother by his side.

Once I plucked a flower from the garden. The gardener rebuked me for this and I ran home crying all the way. The Mother had heard me crying and asked what was the matter. When she was told, she instructed the gardener to let me do whatever I liked.

I wrote some letters to the Mother in Bengali, which she answered. Sri Aurobindo must have translated them to her. Sri Aurobindo replied to a few of them in English. I reproduce here two of those letters.

My own Mother,

I was very happy to receive your letter. Mother, can I take the two castors from M? For, plenty of ants come to the place where I offer flowers before your photo and Sri Aurobindo's. If I can have those two castors then I can fill them with water and place the table on them. The flowers will thus be safe from the ants.

Sri Aurobindo: Yes, you can take them.

Mother, yesterday I received a book from Nolini-da. Its name is The Ashram and the Teachings of Sri Aurobindo. In that book there are pictures of you and Sri Aurobindo as well as of the Ashram. I shall get the pictures of both of you framed. To whom shall I give them? I will do as you advise. Please reply to my letter.

Sri Aurobindo: You can get them framed by Biren.

Mamma,

I was very happy to receive Sri Aurobindo's letter. Can I come to see you upstairs? I hope you have received my mother's letter. Can Manu come to the music? I like music very much. My pranams to both of you.

Sri Aurobindo: Yes, you can come. Manu will come with Nolina.

More than a year prior to this, I had started corresponding with the Mother from Calcutta. Below are some of her answers:

10-10-31

To Esha with our blessings and love.

The Mother

Pondicherry

24.3.32

To Esha

We have just received your nice letter. I also hope that you will come down soon as I shall be very glad to see you.

With our love and blessings.

The Mother

Pondicherry
29.5.32

My dear little Esha,

I am not at all angry.

If I was not writing to you, it is because I was expecting you to come soon.

With our blessings and love.

The Mother

9.7.32

Esha,

I have taken a nice house for you. There is electricity and a fan. Come quickly, even if you are not quite well.

You know that here your health becomes very good. With love and blessings.

12.8.32

To Esha with our blessings.

I am so sorry to hear that you have been ill. I hope you are quite well now.

This is to send you strength and our love.

We never forget you and your dear mother.

The following letters are among those written to me after our visit to Pondicherry in 1932:

Pondicherry
12.5-33.

Esha

We have received your two letters.

Yes, you can always see us within yourself. With our blessings and love.

6.933

To Esha with our blessings

About your coming here, my will is that you should come with your dear mother at once.

But....

Our love and protection are with you always.

11.11.33

To Esha, our blessings.

So many times I have answered your letters with my heart, but could find no time to write the answer on a sheet of paper.

Hoping that your dear mother and yourself are quite well.

Our love and protection are with you always.

During our visit in 1934, my mother and I stayed .with my uncle. We had again brought my friend Manu, who had accompanied us the previous time; the two of us were about nine years old. This time we were given permission to appear for Darshan. My mother dressed me in a sari and put a tiara on my head. When Manu saw it she was taken with a fit of jealousy and insisted on having the tiara for herself. My mother gave it to her and I had to relinquish the precious ornament. Uncle did not help matters by coming and remarking that I looked most untidy in my 'sari, or perhaps he meant that I suffered in comparison to my friend who was now wearing the tiara. Whatever it was, I burst into tears and went to Darshan with swollen eyes.

Sri Aurobindo noticed this and later wrote to my uncle asking him what had made me cry. After Uncle had explained, Sri Aurobindo wrote back that though I wore no tiara, he thought I still looked very pretty. This made me so happy that my heart melted towards Sri Aurobindo at once. I began to write letters to him in which I addressed him as "My Sri Aurobindo," even though my uncle was extremely displeased with this familiarity. He would rebuke me, saying, "How do you dare address him as 'My Sri Aurobindo'?"

My uncle's attitude made me sad and unhappy. At last, the other uncle of mine in the Ashram told him, "Look here, Dilip, why do you come between her and Sri Aurobindo? If anything was amiss, he would correct her himself." At this, my uncle was

compelled to stop his interference. But he continued to read Sri Aurobindo's answers to me. This prompted me to write to Sri Aurobindo, "Please write two letters to me, one private and the other the kind that my uncle could read." And he did indeed do so.

The Mother used to see me every day after coming back at five in the evening from a drive in her car. She would wait for me at the foot of the staircase opposite what is now the Samadhi with Nolini-da and Pavitra-da. One day I came about fifteen minutes late because I had been chatting with some friends. I found the Mother standing there, and running up to her I knelt at her feet. Without further ado she caught hold of my hair and pulled me up. Then looking at me sternly in the eyes she said, "Come in time."

The other occasion when I would be with the Mother regularly was when she was working in her room. Later, I would go up to the terrace with her and walk by her side. It was a wonderful and memorable time.

My next visit came in 1936, when we stayed for quite a few months. In 1934, I had become friendly with a young sadhika, Jyotirmayee, whom I came to call "Auntie". My uncle knew her well, and she became extremely fond of me. We spent a good deal of time together, and the Mother seems to have put me in her charge. So it was only natural that in 1936 too I should renew my friendship with my "Auntie". She added much to the pleasure of my stay in Pondicherry, for as there were no other children in the Ashram and my uncle and mother were too busy to pay attention to me, she gave me the companionship I needed. Whenever I could, I would run to her and while away the time talking to her. She, on her part, was happy to accept me as her own little child.

Apart from arranging companionship for me, the Mother also concerned herself with my education. She appointed Nolini-da to tutor me, and I was to go to him every morning. As I had no love for studies, I was often absent. In the beginning, Nolini-da tried to be indulgent, but later he resorted to firmness, feeling perhaps that he was failing in his duty. Finally he said to me, "I shall complain to Sri Aurobindo that you don't want to study." When even this threat had no effect on me, the attempt to 'educate' me was given up.

In the letters of this period it will be seen that my concern was more with writing letters to Sri Aurobindo and getting his answers than anything else. I would write to him mostly about sadhana. I need not dilate upon how much time he devoted to me and how much affection he poured into his replies.

After some months, I returned to Calcutta where he continued to send replies to my letters. I quote here some of them. They appeared in Mother India in 1975.