An extraordinary girl

Darshan of Sri Ramakrishna

Earlier I had alluded to an incident, the details of which I suppressed from Nirod-da as I feared that he would not believe it. But Sri Aurobindo insisted he should be told all about it and I did. Here is the complete story.

It happened in 1948. At that time I was not interested in Sri Ramakrishna nor did I want to know anything about him. One morning, however, at about 7.30 a.m. while still in bed I saw his figure high above on the wall. He was wrapped in a white chaddar and said, "Bring me a blanket. I'm feeling very cold." I was thinking, "Who is he? I seem to have seen him somewhere, but can't recollect it." He stayed for about five minutes. After he was gone, I remembered and exclaimed, "Oh! It was Sri Ramakrishna."

I told my mother about it and asked her why he had asked me to offer him a blanket when there were so many of his bhaktas in Belur Math. Then I forgot the vision completely.

One night, about ten years later, as I was about to go to sleep I saw a round ball of fire suddenly flame up before my eyes, like a fire in a burning ghat. I thought the flame must be symbolising my mother's death as she was ill at that time. I prayed to my Lord. For seven days the fire appeared before me. After the seventh day it neared and stood before me. I kept looking at it. Then a hollow space formed in the middle of the fire and the bright face of Sri Ramakrishna filled it up. This happened three times.

Now a new chapter started in my life. I forgot the Mother and Sri Aurobindo altogether. In their stead, day and night my mind was preoccupied with Sri Ramakrishna alone. My entire being was burning with the pain of separation from him. My mother said, "Go to Belur Math; you'll get peace there." I did, but to no effect. That night, as I was thinking of him while lying in bed, he appeared before me and said, "Why have you come back? You should have sat in my lap."

Again I became restless. And as my indifference to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo began to increase I looked at Sri Aurobindo's picture and cried out, "O Lord, are you taking me to hell?" An exceedingly sweet smile parted his lips and he replied, "Can anybody think of the Paramhansa and go to hell?" That gave me support and I was plunged in a deep ecstasy at the thought of Sri Aurobindo and his response to my prayer.

For four or five years Sri Ramakrishna absorbed me completely. Many changes and reverses in my external life took place but his presence was there in everything. Once I had a craving to see his sweet smile. After some weeks, I saw a big hall with a crowd of devotees and Sri Ramakrishna was seated there. He asked, "Where is Esha? Hasn't she come?" Vivekananda pointed towards me. Sri Ramakrishna looked at me and amply fulfilled my desire with an exquisite smile.

One day as I was lying in bed, he came near me and said, "Get up." For no apparent reason I was terribly afraid and clutched my bedsheets firmly. He said, "Have no fear." As soon as I approached him, he caught hold of me by the neck and brought me to Sri Aurobindo's presence in the Ashram Meditation Hall and said, "Bow down to Him." Sri Aurobindo was sitting on a sofa and blessed me, while Sri Ramakrishna stood by. As I next did pranam to Sri Ramakrishna, he said to me while blessing me with both hands, "My blessings are with you to protect you from all danger and catastrophe." Then he simply melted away and did not reappear.

Life became dry and empty. Neither he nor Sri Aurobindo was anywhere near. I lost faith in God. For one year I suffered. Then one day at about 3 a.m., a crow outside my window began to call in an intensely shrill voice while looking at me. Suddenly two figures, bright and resplendent, appeared before me; they were none other than the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. How resplendent indeed they were! At once a deep peace descended and enveloped my whole being in ecstasy. For one year I used to see a half-moon between my brows and they were sitting on it. I regained my lost faith.

Sri Ramakrishna's assurance of protection, however, had

intrigued me as at that time all was well with me and my family. But I was grateful for it when it was brought home to me very powerfully after the incident of my son's getting waylaid and beaten up by Naxalites and left for dead on the wayside. I shall recount the incident in its place.

Sri Aurobindo too had warned me to give up all attachment to my son as the worldly life was incompatible with my spiritual future.

Once I went to Dakshineswar and was walking about in the Panchavati, the area of five trees. As I was musing on Sri Ramakrishna and Sri Aurobindo, I heard a very distinct voice saying 'দুই মহীরুহ' ("Two colossal trees")!