An extraordinary girl

Illness of My Elder Uncle

When Elder Uncle had fallen seriously ill, and nothing but a very drastic operation could save his life, I prayed fervently to Sri Aurobindo day and night for weeks to save him. For he is a very dear friend and without his help I, with the problems of a vast property that fell upon my weak shoulders, would have been utterly lost.

I was facing a crucial situation. Elder Uncle's lower limbs were gradually losing their strength. Recently the pains had increased. The doctor seemed to have said that arterial circulation of the heart was becoming sluggish. It was a serious case. A by-pass surgery had to be done. He was asked to go to Bombay for a further check-up and, if advised, for an operation as well. His relatives were all in Bombay.

Uncle had told me long ago that according to Bhrigu 1988 was a critical year for him. He would have to undergo a serious operation and his life might even be in danger. I had told him to inform me beforehand about it wherever I might be. Accordingly, he had written to me at Pondicherry not to worry and that I didn't need to go to Calcutta to meet him. But that couldn't be, for he who had been by my side for the last thirty years helping me in all my needs without any expectation, how could I stay away from him during his hour of distress? If some misfortune overtook him, how would I face it? Would I not suffer life-long guilt?

On the other hand I was all the time hearing my Thakur's voice: যেও না, যেও না (don't go, don't go!). This was causing a serious dilemma for me.

And so I asked Nirod-da, "What should I do?"

" Why, when your Thakur insists that you shouldn't go, you have to listen to him," he replied.

But I couldn't console myself. I had been telling Thakur that the man who had been helping me so much and without whose help I would have been a wreck, should I not see him once at this hour? And Thakur replied, "Whether you go or not, the result will be the same. But if you go you will face a lot of trouble and I shall have to work hard to save and protect you. Be at peace."

In spite of all this, I wrote to Elder Uncle that I would start on a certain date. I went to buy a ticket but was told, "No ticket will be available for a week." A strike was on in Madras. There were riots in places between Pondy and Madras and in Madras itself. I thought, "Well, there is still time. Let me wait until the week is over." But no ticket was available even after that. When a friend heard about it she said, "How's that? I got my ticket all right." Well, here is a puzzle. I thought of phoning to Calcutta. I did, only to find that Uncle had already left for Bombay on receiving an urgent telegram. I told Thakur, "Why have you done this?" He simply said, "You would have been in real danger."

After some days a letter came from Uncle saying that all tests had been done. The operation would soon take place. All his relatives had arrived there.

Though I was somewhat calm, I could not be entirely free from anxiety and fear. The date of the operation was over and still there was no news. Imagine my condition. After two or three days I received a note of two lines scribbled by him saying that he was all right. He was allowed to pace a few steps in the corridor of the hospital. The doctor had said that a difficult operation like that had been finished in a very short time! I was immensely relieved. Beside myself with joy, I stood before the Lord's picture and said, "You have saved him. You have saved me. You have heard me." As I went on repeating these words, tears began to flow. Then something unbelievable happened. Slowly, his face began to fade and in its place appeared a face of unparalelled beauty illumined with the sweetest smile. I was watching with my eyes transfixed. Slowly that also faded. I was so overjoyed that I had to lie down on my bed to contain the ecstasy. I prayed to him, "Let my life end at this hour of supreme delight, O Lord, and take me to you. Otherwise I shall again be a prey to the same human reactions of fear, doubt, etc.

At this moment when my heart is filled with infinite gratitude, let me leave the world." The Lord said, "Man forgets his gratitude to God, but not to man."

You know, from the day the date of the operation was fixed, I used to get up at midnight and offer the Lord my prayer, "Thakur, save him, save my friend." Who says prayers are not heard?

His letter has come: he has returned home from the hospital, very weak indeed. He has never been so weak before, He fears he will not live long and wishes that I should pray for him. I have replied, "There is no cause for fear. You should remember that the Mother and Sri Aurobindo have saved you."

I had come to know Elder Uncle over the years and our relation had become very intimate with the passing of time. From the very start I used to tell him, "Uncle, turn towards God. Haven't you done enough for the family? Now is the time for God."

"Who will then look after my wife and children?" "And if you die who will do so?" I querried.

My mother would laugh at my naiveté and ask, "Can one be turned towards God by force? One who has no pull, no bhakti, can't love God overnight." I would not listen to her. I used to take him to the burning ghat and say, "Look, this is what life is: the dead body burning away; the five elements that make up that body today, where will they be tomorrow? Still we have so much maya!" (attachments, illusion) and all such familiar homilies.

One day I took him to the cremation grounds at Kalighat. Dead bodies arrived one after another. Standing to one side we looked at them. I said to him, "See, how beautiful it looks. God himself seems to be present and is witnessing his own Lila! Don't you feel anything?"

"No. But if I turn towards Him, what will happen to my property?"

"Let property go to hell! If you do turn towards God, can anything be compared to that?"

These repeated sermons finally had some effect. He bought the photos of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, and one of Sri Ramakrishna and Ma Saradamoyee in which, the shopkeeper said, she was made to sit by Sri Ramakrishna in front of him.

Once Uncle felt a desire to go and see Satya Saibaba at Bangalore. But was he approachable in such crowds to a simple man like him! I said, "He will certainly see you. He'll call you. When he does that don't ask for any worldly goods. Tell him, 'I want God. Please fulfil my desire.' "

Satya Saibaba came. Hundreds had thronged. He cast a moment's glance at them, then beckoned to Uncle and said, "You have ear-ache. Don't eat eggs," and so on, but gave him no chance to speak. Finally taking courage and, recalling my words to him, he asked, "Baba, I've a prayer...." No sooner had he uttered these words than Saibaba looked piercingly into his eyes and asked, "What prayer?"

He replied, "I don't crave for any worldly goods; I want only God, please...." Before he could end, Saibaba gave him a piercing look and asked, "Is this your prayer? Don't ask parrotlike for things that others have taught you. Ask what comes from within." And he left. What power!

However, my repeated teachings seem to have produced some effect, for my Guru told me that I had done a good service.

Uncle's wife who was a devotee of Saibaba was supposed to have complained to him that her husband had fallen under the spell of a lady whom he almost worshipped and listened to nobody else. Would Baba free him from her evil power? Baba replied, "No, nothing evil will happen to him. On the contrary it will do him good. Don't worry."

Let me narrate another story about Saibaba. Uncle and I had a mutual friend. He was very much charmed by his wife's singing of bhajans. He went with them to Saibaba at Bangalore. Baba asked my friend, "What do you want from me?" My friend replied with much humility, "I have a brother who is suffering from gangrene on his feet. Would Baba cure him?" Baba pointed a finger to his chest and said, "It is not gangrene, there is something wrong here." My friend failed to catch the indication. Much later he understood it, for the gangrene was cured but the patient died from heart-failure.

Such indeed is the power of Saibaba. What a personality!