Esha's recollections of some episodes of her life, as narrated to Nirodbaran in Bengali, who translated it in English. This is presented here in form of a book.
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Nirodbaran on Esha's story : Esha, the late Dilip Kumar Roy's niece, was a little girl visiting the Ashram when I came to know her through my niece Jyotirmoyee with whom she had become very friendly. She wanted to settle in the Ashram, but her mother did not want it as she was still a minor. When after many years she came to the Ashram again and stayed with Sahana Devi, I became more closely acquainted with her. By that time she had already married and obtained her divorce and had decided to settle here. I came to her help and made all possible arrangements for the purpose. Since then I have come to know her well and listened to her narration of the incidents of her life. As I found them interesting I began to note them down and was thinking of publishing them in Mother India when somehow she got wind of it and strongly objected to it. As I felt I had Sri Aurobindo's sanction for it, I did not listen to her. In spite of my disregarding her objection, luckily she did not stop recounting her saga. Of course she narrated it in Bengali and later I put it down in English as faithfully as I could. When the story began to appear in Mother India, she insisted more than once that I should stop it. My answer was that I believed it could be helpful to many readers and that Sri Aurobindo seemed to support me.
THEME/S
I was not in favour of a divorce. In fact there was no need for it. I had my child who was now my sole preoccupation and my entire life was centred upon him. Though my conjugal life had definitely come to an end, my husband and I had kept a good friendly relationship. His personal life did not not matter to me so long as he did not interfere with his claim on my child. And since I was not going to marry again and nor was he, I thought there was no point in suing for a divorce. Besides, a divorce case in high society is delicious food for scandal and the entire social elite of Calcutta would be buzzing with the exciting news. Already my relatives and friends were pressing me to cut off my connection with him, for they did not approve of the way he was leading his life. There were others who were against any break with him. Only one influential lawyer-relative encouraged me to go ahead with the divorce; otherwise, he said, my life would be at the mercy of my husband. I was particularly afraid of going to court lest he should demand possession of the child, nor was I sure that I would win the case against him. However, circumstances, or the Divine Will I should say, forced upon me the choice.
To make myself sure of his attitude towards a divorce, I sent a friend of mine to ascertain his opinion about it. My message said that since both of us had no intention of remarriage there would be no point in creating a scandal for the wide attention of the Calcutta elite society. I received a taunting reply from him. He said, "Oh, she is afraid of me and wants to placate me by this overture? I don't care a bit for the scandal. Let her do as she likes." That settled the matter for me. And my friends too now lent their weight to my resolve and pressed for immediate action. I filed a suit against him on the grounds of his betrayal of the conjugal bond. Strangely enough, he did not defend himself. And it was not at all difficult for me to prove his infidelity. I won the case in a month's time. Our relations were now completely broken.
But now also began the work of his vindictive spirit with all the power he could command. He filed a suit against me for possession of the child. The case dragged on for more than two years. For a young woman with no elders in the family to guide her, who had very little experience of the world, least of all lawsuits, and who had none to help her and stand by her, and many opposed to her because she went against their advice to give up the child to the legal claimant — those two years were like the condition of one who was drowning with hardly a straw to clutch at to save herself. But the Divine stood by me and finally I won and my husband was utterly routed.
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